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General Parenting
Can problem solving be learned?
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 342802" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Thanks, guys. Listening to my kid Tues nite, it just struck me again, very forcefully, that after umpteen years of interventions, his problem solving skills are still nil. He cannot prioritize a thing. Has no sense of what are pressing problems versus what are small irritations. As he's been all his life, it's all or nothing. He has no filter. Since he sees all "problems" as being top priority, he's of course incapable of solving any of them because he's completely overwhelmed. At the same time, his grand plans are missing most of the steps from here to there.... he only sees the finish line. Again, nothing new but increasingly difficult to work with.</p><p></p><p>Right or wrong, my perspective got dramatically changed at the beginning of this year with the self-inflicted deaths of 2 young men in our circle of friends. My line in the sand shifted. He is still not a law-abiding productive adult, but... I've softened my stance in terms of what assistance we will give and in terms of "do to get". </p><p></p><p>No Janet - he and (ex?)girlfriend now have their own apartment, no income, and for some reason *he's* responsible for rent. Don't ask, LOL. It's gone from ridiculous to surreal. I'm dancing on the head of a pin here, trying to ensure he keeps a roof over his head while trying *really* hard not to get involved in the never-ending drama, and at the same time trying to coach him without it sounding like I'm telling him what to do. It's a wee bit like Groundhog Day around here - lather, rinse, repeat. </p><p></p><p>Thanks for the list, Fran. That's what I was looking for - something concrete to start with. He's challenged at pretty much every step of the way, and is still looking for the easy way out while insisting he do it his way. Same old go around the hoop rather than thru it mentality. The list is taped to my desk so I can mull it over during the day and figure out how to shape it for his particular frame of reference. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 342802, member: 8"] Thanks, guys. Listening to my kid Tues nite, it just struck me again, very forcefully, that after umpteen years of interventions, his problem solving skills are still nil. He cannot prioritize a thing. Has no sense of what are pressing problems versus what are small irritations. As he's been all his life, it's all or nothing. He has no filter. Since he sees all "problems" as being top priority, he's of course incapable of solving any of them because he's completely overwhelmed. At the same time, his grand plans are missing most of the steps from here to there.... he only sees the finish line. Again, nothing new but increasingly difficult to work with. Right or wrong, my perspective got dramatically changed at the beginning of this year with the self-inflicted deaths of 2 young men in our circle of friends. My line in the sand shifted. He is still not a law-abiding productive adult, but... I've softened my stance in terms of what assistance we will give and in terms of "do to get". No Janet - he and (ex?)girlfriend now have their own apartment, no income, and for some reason *he's* responsible for rent. Don't ask, LOL. It's gone from ridiculous to surreal. I'm dancing on the head of a pin here, trying to ensure he keeps a roof over his head while trying *really* hard not to get involved in the never-ending drama, and at the same time trying to coach him without it sounding like I'm telling him what to do. It's a wee bit like Groundhog Day around here - lather, rinse, repeat. Thanks for the list, Fran. That's what I was looking for - something concrete to start with. He's challenged at pretty much every step of the way, and is still looking for the easy way out while insisting he do it his way. Same old go around the hoop rather than thru it mentality. The list is taped to my desk so I can mull it over during the day and figure out how to shape it for his particular frame of reference. ;) [/QUOTE]
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