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Can somebody who is very religious give me insight
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<blockquote data-quote="Martie" data-source="post: 85391" data-attributes="member: 284"><p>MWM,</p><p></p><p>I remember your story about your son very well. I also remembered we agreed to disagree about adoption issues. You may not like my response, but since no one else has yet mentioned it, I will.</p><p></p><p>I think what he is doing is related to adoption. I believe adoption is a life long process. That does not mean that the the adopted person is doing poorly, but that "it" is always there. I know it is for my kids, especially my son. Often adopted persons are looking for something to complete themselves. There are many ways to do this---searching for a birthparent is one way; having a biological child is another; being "against" adoption is another (CUB counts among their members adoptees); and so is joining a cult like religion that controls everything---that is the ultimate "belonging," to give up one's family and free will. What is REALLY sad for your son is you are the second family he has given up, and you want to continue to have a relationship.</p><p></p><p>For me, the goal is to keep "it" from becoming destructive to my children. I am not religious but when I realized my ex-difficult child was so inclined, I really got behind his being an Episcopalian. My husband was really skeptical, being even less religious than I am, but he quickly saw the point of "better an Episcopalian than a Moonie"---an adopted child who is drawn to religion is particularly vulnerable to cult-like experiences in my opinion. Notice I did not say "adopted persons" My daughter is irreligious as one would predict a child raised in our home to be--and I do not worry she will join a cult. She is not "drawn to religion" however but your son may have been for a long time before he actually joined this group by way of marriage.</p><p></p><p>Because of what I saw, ex-difficult child was baptized and confirmed at 13 by his own choice and feels he "belongs" to his church. They certainly claim him and do not discriminate against his irreligious parents. I see his adoption concerns emerge in his strong need to get to Korea last summer, his thinking about searching (which will be a lot tougher for him than a US adoptee) and his studying Korean formally. I am very happy that the "missing part" currently has to do with Korean culture---that is healthier than some other things he could be doing right now.</p><p></p><p>I do not think anything good about a religion that separates a son from his mother who loves him. What mainstream faith teaches that? None I can think of...Cults always control access to the outside world for good cause if you understand their purposes. So do certain closed religious communities, but they are not cults, and their members may leave, but if they do, they are no longer members of the faith. this is what distinguishes Old Order Amish from a cult in my opinion. </p><p></p><p>I hope your son frees himself and comes back to his family. I can only imagine how painful this must be. I wish you the very best...</p><p></p><p>Martie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Martie, post: 85391, member: 284"] MWM, I remember your story about your son very well. I also remembered we agreed to disagree about adoption issues. You may not like my response, but since no one else has yet mentioned it, I will. I think what he is doing is related to adoption. I believe adoption is a life long process. That does not mean that the the adopted person is doing poorly, but that "it" is always there. I know it is for my kids, especially my son. Often adopted persons are looking for something to complete themselves. There are many ways to do this---searching for a birthparent is one way; having a biological child is another; being "against" adoption is another (CUB counts among their members adoptees); and so is joining a cult like religion that controls everything---that is the ultimate "belonging," to give up one's family and free will. What is REALLY sad for your son is you are the second family he has given up, and you want to continue to have a relationship. For me, the goal is to keep "it" from becoming destructive to my children. I am not religious but when I realized my ex-difficult child was so inclined, I really got behind his being an Episcopalian. My husband was really skeptical, being even less religious than I am, but he quickly saw the point of "better an Episcopalian than a Moonie"---an adopted child who is drawn to religion is particularly vulnerable to cult-like experiences in my opinion. Notice I did not say "adopted persons" My daughter is irreligious as one would predict a child raised in our home to be--and I do not worry she will join a cult. She is not "drawn to religion" however but your son may have been for a long time before he actually joined this group by way of marriage. Because of what I saw, ex-difficult child was baptized and confirmed at 13 by his own choice and feels he "belongs" to his church. They certainly claim him and do not discriminate against his irreligious parents. I see his adoption concerns emerge in his strong need to get to Korea last summer, his thinking about searching (which will be a lot tougher for him than a US adoptee) and his studying Korean formally. I am very happy that the "missing part" currently has to do with Korean culture---that is healthier than some other things he could be doing right now. I do not think anything good about a religion that separates a son from his mother who loves him. What mainstream faith teaches that? None I can think of...Cults always control access to the outside world for good cause if you understand their purposes. So do certain closed religious communities, but they are not cults, and their members may leave, but if they do, they are no longer members of the faith. this is what distinguishes Old Order Amish from a cult in my opinion. I hope your son frees himself and comes back to his family. I can only imagine how painful this must be. I wish you the very best... Martie [/QUOTE]
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