Can this be done???

[CAmom]

I'm not sure exactly where to post this, but here goes.

We have an agreement with our son that he is to call (or text message if it's past 11:30 pm) if he's not going to be in by 2:00 am, his curfew.

A couple of months ago, he spent the night at a friend's house, and, for the first time, I didn't receive a text message. He lost his allowance for that day, also as per our agrement, since he said he had deleted his outgoing message box and couldn't prove to me that he actually sent a message.

The next time, he sent me five copies of a text message letting me know he wasn't going to be home.

Last night, I received a text message at 11:30 letting me know that he'd be home by 2:00 am, but he didn't show up all night. This morning when he came in, he again insisted that he had sent me a second message but also admitted that the first time this happened a couple of months back, he had lied about the messsage and had actually fallen asleep. More likely, he was at a party and didn't want to bother.

However, THIS time, he came and showed me the message he had sent me in his outbox. Yet, I never received that second message, and I'm wracking my brain, trying to figure out why and/or how this happened. When he showed me the message in his outbox, the date and time were right, and the number the text message went to was mine. The status option also confirmed that the message was sent.

My gut feeling tells me that he was probably partying again, and, in the months between the first time he lied and last night, some clever techie type showed him how to outwit his cell phone sim card. I can't think how, though.

Even though he admitted to lying a couple of months ago, because of the "proof" he was showing me, I gave him the benefit of the doubt this time, but I still feel as though I'm being snowed. Does anyone have a clue if it's possible to do this?

PS I know this sounds really petty compared to the much more serious problems many of you are having (and I have had off on and on as well), but this is making me crazy.

 

[meowbunny]

Maybe he could change the date/time on the phone, send it and then change it back. Does your company give you detailed billing info on calls and texts? If so, you should be able to confirm that the date/time do in fact coincide.

As to it being possible that he was telling truth, it is possible. I know I've received more than one message hours after it was sent -- it seems to get lost in cyberspace. However, they've always ultimately shown up. To have his say it was sent and received and you not to get it all makes me a little suspicious.

The easy way to find out if it is possible is to call your service provider. They should be able to tell you what tricks a kid could use to fool the phone or why it could be lost in cyberspace.

Hope you find an answer. I really hate when my daughter lies to me. It leaves me with such an emptiness to know her word is worth so little to her.

 

[CAmom]

Meow, I wondered about resetting the phone's date and time, but I thought it was automatic. It's a Metro PCS phone, and there's no detailed bill, and trying to get through to a human for any reason other than buying something is impossible.

Knowing my son, I can't imagine him going to all that trouble just to save himself a few bucks, so there's a chance he was telling the truth. But, it seems a bit fishy...as you said, it's not a nice feeling to suspect they're lying to us.

 

[witzend]

I do know that text messages don't always show up right away, but usually they do. I did some google search on "change date and time stamp text message" and got a few hits, but the geekspeak is beyond me. Here's one:

http://help.lockergnome.com/office/Manually-change-Date-Date-received-messages-ftopict949459.html

I don't remember exactly what is going on with him now. Did you post last week that he was supposed to be looking for a job? Or was that someone else? How does he earn an allowance?

Maybe it's just me, but even at 18, someone staying in my house wouldn't have a regular 2:00 AM curfew. Getting home at 2:00 makes it pretty hard to get up and look fresh to search for a job or pay attention in class.

I think you are right to be suspicious. There's really no reason (other than partying) for him to stay out all night.

 

[Star*]

Sadly, I have never sent or received a text message.

I just got a trac phone.

I'm not challenged, I'm timeless. lol

As far as my son? We pretty much silent joke that if he opens his mouth - it's a lie. Sad but it keeps us on our toes. And they lie about the stupidest things.

I can tell you that when my son decided to start creating his own curfew and wasn't respectful of our sleep/work habits while he just had to sleep? We put a stop to it. We also explained to his buddies that our house was locked up at 11:30 PM. Only emergency calls after 9:30 - as we were in bed by 9:00. Dude would constantly miss curfew and it was a pain to get up, unlock the door, and have that "WHAT I TRIED TO CALL BUT." conversation that I would rather not try to sleep on.

Glad you're home, but when it's your house - you can come in when you want to. Not obeying curfew meant don't ask to go out. A few times of "But I'll be home I swear" and a BIG RESOUNDING OH NO YOU WON'T. Then we'd allow him to go somewhere but only for 1 hour - if he did that for a week? It built trust and the following week he got to go out 2 hours. A month of being on time and he could go out with friends until 11:00. (Had to laugh - the foster family told him curfew is 9:30)

ANd as far as not pulling his weight or paying some bills or helping with food? At 18 - these are things I felt Dude needed to be learning through working and helping out at home. No free rides.

hang in there - oh and by the way - if you have a dog door? Like we do? Put it down and lock it too. Nothing freaks a kid out worse than sneaking in past curfew, going through the dog door, in the dark, in the den, and having your mother meet you in the hall thinking it's a burglar. - Dude said I don't need a pit bull. lol.

Hugs
Star

 

[chrisdog01]

I have AT&T and have quite a few text messages delayed, but they did end up showing up eventually (sometimes 2 days later). So hopefully he's not lying to you. But, as others have said, they will lie about the stupidest things.

You said you thought your problem sounded petty, as far as I'm concerned they are all drops in the bucket that add to our big old tub of water. Each little instance really affects trust between our kids and us, I just wish they would figure that out.

 

[witzend]

as far as I'm concerned they are all drops in the bucket that add to our big old tub of water.

I like that!

 

[trinityroyal]

CAmom, I looked at the link that Witz posted. Apparently there is a little computer widget that lets you manually change the date and time stamp on text messages.

So...it could be a faked message, or not.

However, your son has given you ample reasons NOT to take his word for things. If your gut feel is that he's snowing you, you're probably right.

As chrisdog01 said, bigor small, everything our difficult children do to breach our trust in them hurts, and makes it that much harder to trust them the next time.

 

[Suz]

I have no idea if it's faked or not but I do know that sometimes messages sent to me are delayed as much as 12 hours. It's very annoying!

Suz

 

[witzend]

Well, according to L's boyfriend, if someone (L) sends you 152 text messages in one day, it can take up to two days for them all to get to you.



I don't even want to know...

 

[Abbey]

I have AT&T and have quite a few text messages delayed, but they did end up showing up eventually (sometimes 2 days later). So hopefully he's not lying to you.

Actually, I have this happen to me all the time...same with voice messages. I'm with Cingular/At&T. I'll get a message a few days after it was sent, or my message was received for a few days.

Abbey

 

[dirobb]

I would skip the texting for now if it is not working. Place a voice call and actually speak to you or husband. I think that will get old soon enough and maybe he will work on actually following through. But if the text messages arent going through, then maybe looking at an alternative so that everyone is happy would be the next thing. But I know using rationale does not always work with our precious lot. The goal is to give you a heads up on if he will be back or not...a quick call could do the trick...although most of our kids would rather text (mine have a lack of phone etiquette)

 

[Star*]

Well beyond the texting........

WHAT is his punishment/consequence for being late?

I'm thinking - whatever it is? It IS NOT stiff enough, because he keeps skirting the rules.

 

[witzend]

Dirobb has an excellent point. If texting isn't working, voice calls should be the standard.

 

[DammitJanet]

I have had text messages from other people show up hours if not days later. Nothing ticks me off more with cell phones than getting a beep saying I have a message, get up to read it at 2 am, see that a friend wants to talk to me NOW!, and then going to get online only to find they arent there. When I talk to them later I find out they sent the message at 8 pm the previous night...ugh!

I would have him call you directly and bypass texting. If you dont answer he can leave a voicemail.

 

[CAmom]

Witz, I checked that link, thanks, but it was regarding e-mails.

Yes, my son is looking for a job through an employment service company and doing everything he's supposed to do.

It's very rare that he stays out past 11:30 pm, so we don't mind the occasional night away from home...he's usually with a particular friend on our street who doesn't go to work until around noon.

Once he does get a job, if any of his habits interfere with it, he knows things will change.

 

[CAmom]

Star, I cracked up about the doggie door. My son and most of the neighborhood used ours for years. Our dog is an Aussie and a really big one at that, so the boys could probably still fit through it. However, we replaced it with one that requires a special magnet to open which the dog wears on his collar. Without it, the door won't open.

We all agreed on the curfew idea a few months back. I came up with the 11:30 notification via text messaging so that the phone ringing wouldn't disturb me if I was already asleep. We also came up with the 2:00 am limit, mainly to cover the weekends. We told him that, if he wanted to be out past that time, we'd prefer him to stay where ever he is.

And, trust me, it took me probably a half hour the first time I tried to text message him back. I don't know how they do it.

 

[CAmom]

Witz, Suz...Then it could be that I'll receive that message. My son probably sends out and receives 100 text messages a day. If he didn't, he'll probably tell me the truth eventually as he usually does.

Trinity, I shouldn't be surprised that there's a gadget available to help people "trick" their phones. Sheesh! But, that would be way more trouble than my son would go to.

 

[CAmom]

Drobb and Dammit, actually, that's exactly what I ended up telling him...that, since it appeared that text messaging was "malfunctioning," he needed to make a call and speak to us or leave a message.

I figure that that should solve the problem...

 

[SONS GONE WILD]

We have Verizon. husband and I were texting back and forth recently and he didn't get one of my messages, but it was shown as "sent" in my phone. (Hey, maybe he did get my message and deleted it! ) Anyway, you can't trust cell phones 100% of the time, just like you can't trust difficult children!