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<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 438429" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>Steely, I understand exactly where you are comming from. You said that he is not willing to let others help him and he wants to be away from your influence. Until he is ready to admit that he needs someone to oversee his life there is nothing you can do. It is hard on us moms. Especially when we know that they likely will fail or at the very least that life will be harder for them than it would be if they let us manage things for them. </p><p></p><p>I have lived through this with my son. I repeatedly got him plugged into services, got him a place to stay, got him medical and dental care etc. He repeatedly walked away from the help offered. Like you, I have also dealt with the fact that one day a policeman might come to my door to tell me he is dead. But I cannot stop it from happening. At some point we have to accept that we really do not have any control over their lives. They will mess up or not whether we are active in their life or not. The reality is that any control we might think we have after they are of legal age is just an illusion. The only other alternative I can think of is to have them declared incompetant to manage their own life by a court . However to accomplish that we must prove it without a doubt. Only way to get proof is to let them try and ultimately fail. </p><p></p><p>If we get caught up in the worry cycle that this scenario sets up we loose our health our happiness and our life. As I see it, just for survival, we must step back. We raised them up, tried to teach them, tried to give them the tools they need to succeed, tried to hook them into the services that could make their lives easier. We have given it our all and it is time to give it over to them and God. -RM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 438429, member: 2315"] Steely, I understand exactly where you are comming from. You said that he is not willing to let others help him and he wants to be away from your influence. Until he is ready to admit that he needs someone to oversee his life there is nothing you can do. It is hard on us moms. Especially when we know that they likely will fail or at the very least that life will be harder for them than it would be if they let us manage things for them. I have lived through this with my son. I repeatedly got him plugged into services, got him a place to stay, got him medical and dental care etc. He repeatedly walked away from the help offered. Like you, I have also dealt with the fact that one day a policeman might come to my door to tell me he is dead. But I cannot stop it from happening. At some point we have to accept that we really do not have any control over their lives. They will mess up or not whether we are active in their life or not. The reality is that any control we might think we have after they are of legal age is just an illusion. The only other alternative I can think of is to have them declared incompetant to manage their own life by a court . However to accomplish that we must prove it without a doubt. Only way to get proof is to let them try and ultimately fail. If we get caught up in the worry cycle that this scenario sets up we loose our health our happiness and our life. As I see it, just for survival, we must step back. We raised them up, tried to teach them, tried to give them the tools they need to succeed, tried to hook them into the services that could make their lives easier. We have given it our all and it is time to give it over to them and God. -RM [/QUOTE]
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