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Can we talk about jail?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 615945" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Reading your post Echolette, brought me back these last two years where I have been in those shoes you're presently wearing quite a few times. That back and forth, doubt/certainty/doubt/certainty is exhausting ............and yet, it seems that most of us here go through that for awhile. From where I am now I think perhaps it is simply a part of the journey as we stop whatever enabling we've been doing and begin our own detachment process..........and the in-between parts of that are where you find yourself now. </p><p></p><p>I wish I could say that one could avoid all of that mind blowing inability to conjure up the appropriate and healthy response, but I don't think there is a shortcut through this. These are our children, for all the insane choices they make, we love them, we want to protect them and keep them safe and when confronted with choices where we feel we may adversely impact their lives or futures, well, of course, we hesitate, we worry, we churn inside and cry. But, ultimately we make a choice. Whichever way we go, we'll doubt that choice too.</p><p></p><p>I believe that with each choice we strengthen our resolve to hand over the reins to the author of the discontent..............to the creator of the mess............to the degree that we continue in that process, making the hard choices to allow natural consequences to take over, we arrive, a little battered, somewhat broken at detachment and then ultimately, acceptance. </p><p></p><p>Replace the should of helping him with the word COULD. You could help him and you could choose not to. When we fight what we believe we should do, it is a hard fight indeed. But, that 'could' gives you the option. There is no right or wrong answer to these questions, we all go through this in our own unique ways............taking the right or wrong out of it helps too. </p><p></p><p>Your reaction to paying the $1500 seems to be saying, "No, I don't want to pay it." Then don't pay it. You have a lot of resentment, which we all know a lot about.............we've all felt that.............I was sick with resentment about what I had given my daughter.............and little by little, at my own pace, I stopped. And, I went through similar battles with myself along the way.............until one day, I had stopped all enabling................completely.............and was only left with what I WANTED to give, which for a time was NOTHING. </p><p></p><p>It's a process Echolette, it's a hard process too. Like no other. Those moments of despair you describe are pretty crummy, I know..............but each choice will get easier as you move a long, whatever you decide to do...........hang in there, we're with you...........we get it............we've been there...............you're not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 615945, member: 13542"] Reading your post Echolette, brought me back these last two years where I have been in those shoes you're presently wearing quite a few times. That back and forth, doubt/certainty/doubt/certainty is exhausting ............and yet, it seems that most of us here go through that for awhile. From where I am now I think perhaps it is simply a part of the journey as we stop whatever enabling we've been doing and begin our own detachment process..........and the in-between parts of that are where you find yourself now. I wish I could say that one could avoid all of that mind blowing inability to conjure up the appropriate and healthy response, but I don't think there is a shortcut through this. These are our children, for all the insane choices they make, we love them, we want to protect them and keep them safe and when confronted with choices where we feel we may adversely impact their lives or futures, well, of course, we hesitate, we worry, we churn inside and cry. But, ultimately we make a choice. Whichever way we go, we'll doubt that choice too. I believe that with each choice we strengthen our resolve to hand over the reins to the author of the discontent..............to the creator of the mess............to the degree that we continue in that process, making the hard choices to allow natural consequences to take over, we arrive, a little battered, somewhat broken at detachment and then ultimately, acceptance. Replace the should of helping him with the word COULD. You could help him and you could choose not to. When we fight what we believe we should do, it is a hard fight indeed. But, that 'could' gives you the option. There is no right or wrong answer to these questions, we all go through this in our own unique ways............taking the right or wrong out of it helps too. Your reaction to paying the $1500 seems to be saying, "No, I don't want to pay it." Then don't pay it. You have a lot of resentment, which we all know a lot about.............we've all felt that.............I was sick with resentment about what I had given my daughter.............and little by little, at my own pace, I stopped. And, I went through similar battles with myself along the way.............until one day, I had stopped all enabling................completely.............and was only left with what I WANTED to give, which for a time was NOTHING. It's a process Echolette, it's a hard process too. Like no other. Those moments of despair you describe are pretty crummy, I know..............but each choice will get easier as you move a long, whatever you decide to do...........hang in there, we're with you...........we get it............we've been there...............you're not alone. [/QUOTE]
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