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Parent Emeritus
Can we talk about what boundaries really mean?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 627282" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Another good, thoughtful post, Cedar.</p><p></p><p>Reading about all this "family of origin" biz (I call them my DNA collection), I am relieved that I had such a small family. They sure caused fireworks for so few of them. Thankfully, they didn't include many and my brother and my uncle (mother's brother) and my father's brother did not breed. I think it's a good thing. I feel that personality disorders/meanness is partly inherited, if not mostly inherited. I think it will be proven in the future, just as we now know that schizophrenia is biochemical and inherited and only fifty years ago, when I was a kid, they swore it was caused by faulty parenting. I think biology is going to win the battle of who we are, in large part. We have difficult children. We tend to have crazy DNA collections too. The difficult children, if not adopted, did not happen in a vacuum. If adopted, look at the family of origin they came from.</p><p></p><p>I am also glad that, for reasons beyond my own will, that I had little contact for over ten years with difficult child mother, little to do with brother in NJ (talk to him once every four or five years now) and my mother's brother (my unc) who my first memory of is when he called me "brat" back when he was in college and I was maybe four years old. That was his nickname for me and he meant it and my mother cracked up when he called me that, even when I cried. Then I was being "sensitive." Such a nice guy!!!! </p><p></p><p>I've actually only had contact with my own little family (husband and children) and my sister and she's been driving me up a wall. Oh, yeah. I can deal with my Dad too, since I set boundaries and since he has been very good about following them. </p><p></p><p>My mother kept my pretty much away from my father's family and he allowed her to do it. He has a big family. I do not know how they function. I am not a part of them. I guess I'm glad, knowing my father's narcissism, that I did NOT know them because I can only guess what sort of drama goes on amongst that many people who are or are living with difficult child adults.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 627282, member: 1550"] Another good, thoughtful post, Cedar. Reading about all this "family of origin" biz (I call them my DNA collection), I am relieved that I had such a small family. They sure caused fireworks for so few of them. Thankfully, they didn't include many and my brother and my uncle (mother's brother) and my father's brother did not breed. I think it's a good thing. I feel that personality disorders/meanness is partly inherited, if not mostly inherited. I think it will be proven in the future, just as we now know that schizophrenia is biochemical and inherited and only fifty years ago, when I was a kid, they swore it was caused by faulty parenting. I think biology is going to win the battle of who we are, in large part. We have difficult children. We tend to have crazy DNA collections too. The difficult children, if not adopted, did not happen in a vacuum. If adopted, look at the family of origin they came from. I am also glad that, for reasons beyond my own will, that I had little contact for over ten years with difficult child mother, little to do with brother in NJ (talk to him once every four or five years now) and my mother's brother (my unc) who my first memory of is when he called me "brat" back when he was in college and I was maybe four years old. That was his nickname for me and he meant it and my mother cracked up when he called me that, even when I cried. Then I was being "sensitive." Such a nice guy!!!! I've actually only had contact with my own little family (husband and children) and my sister and she's been driving me up a wall. Oh, yeah. I can deal with my Dad too, since I set boundaries and since he has been very good about following them. My mother kept my pretty much away from my father's family and he allowed her to do it. He has a big family. I do not know how they function. I am not a part of them. I guess I'm glad, knowing my father's narcissism, that I did NOT know them because I can only guess what sort of drama goes on amongst that many people who are or are living with difficult child adults. [/QUOTE]
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Can we talk about what boundaries really mean?
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