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Can you bear one more husband whine? It's not getting better but vice versa
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 566170" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I'm doing well in developing my own interests now that I have time. Exercising, especially running, is my life line, but I'm having fun keeping my self occupied also otherwise. I just started an university class that has absolutely nothing to do with my work or anything useful, just out of interest. And I'm planning to take another one for spring. And I have gone to all those concerts and art thingyes and public lectures I always wanted but didn't have time. And I have been renting a horse of a friend weekly to get back to riding. I'm most certainly enjoying myself and my extra time now that kids are big and difficult child out of home and easy child almost never home except to sleep. I may have a mid-life crisis and i may be feeling that I'm too young to have this much time in my hands and feeling a void but I'm also having fun <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>With husband and his attitude I have been thinking about guilt and feelings of failure. This started very soon after difficult child was diagnosed with PTSD and almost till now it was almost only directed to difficult child. My husband is doer and somewhat conservative in certain ways. He does feel it is his responsibility to protect his own. He feels a need to solve the problems. He is not good with 'nothing to be done's or 'something you just have to live with's. His child was hurt in the way that caused permanent issues and that happened on his watch more or less (well more on my watch, but doesn't matter to him, I think.) And now difficult child is even more vulnerable and broken than he would be otherwise. And difficult child's vulnerability, or that part of his vulnerability that has been clear he is not growing out off, has always been tough for husband. He can handle vulnerability that is because of age. When boys were young he never demanded them to be tougher than age-appropriate or anything like that. But he has always had tough time dealing with certain innate sensitivity difficult child has always had and which easy child mostly lacks. </p><p></p><p>I have been thinking if husband simply feels guilty over what happened to difficult child, felt he failed as a father and as aprotector and that caused difficult child to be damaged in a way that is very difficult for him to see in his son. And because husband has certainly not used to feel like failure or feel guilty (he is one of those who usually don't have to), he is having so difficult time with it, that he can't handle that but is projecting.</p><p></p><p>In fact him accusing me yesterday about all those things, while hurt, didn't hurt as much as i would had expected. Somehow I see it as him having an issue and I'm not taking those words by heart. And let's face it, I have said much harsher things for myself over it. husband could never be as harsh as I'm in my worst moments.</p><p></p><p>by the way, oddest thing is, that the one who have not blamed me at all, at least not yet, is difficult child who I would had suspected to be the first one to throw the blame around.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 566170, member: 14557"] I'm doing well in developing my own interests now that I have time. Exercising, especially running, is my life line, but I'm having fun keeping my self occupied also otherwise. I just started an university class that has absolutely nothing to do with my work or anything useful, just out of interest. And I'm planning to take another one for spring. And I have gone to all those concerts and art thingyes and public lectures I always wanted but didn't have time. And I have been renting a horse of a friend weekly to get back to riding. I'm most certainly enjoying myself and my extra time now that kids are big and difficult child out of home and easy child almost never home except to sleep. I may have a mid-life crisis and i may be feeling that I'm too young to have this much time in my hands and feeling a void but I'm also having fun :winking: With husband and his attitude I have been thinking about guilt and feelings of failure. This started very soon after difficult child was diagnosed with PTSD and almost till now it was almost only directed to difficult child. My husband is doer and somewhat conservative in certain ways. He does feel it is his responsibility to protect his own. He feels a need to solve the problems. He is not good with 'nothing to be done's or 'something you just have to live with's. His child was hurt in the way that caused permanent issues and that happened on his watch more or less (well more on my watch, but doesn't matter to him, I think.) And now difficult child is even more vulnerable and broken than he would be otherwise. And difficult child's vulnerability, or that part of his vulnerability that has been clear he is not growing out off, has always been tough for husband. He can handle vulnerability that is because of age. When boys were young he never demanded them to be tougher than age-appropriate or anything like that. But he has always had tough time dealing with certain innate sensitivity difficult child has always had and which easy child mostly lacks. I have been thinking if husband simply feels guilty over what happened to difficult child, felt he failed as a father and as aprotector and that caused difficult child to be damaged in a way that is very difficult for him to see in his son. And because husband has certainly not used to feel like failure or feel guilty (he is one of those who usually don't have to), he is having so difficult time with it, that he can't handle that but is projecting. In fact him accusing me yesterday about all those things, while hurt, didn't hurt as much as i would had expected. Somehow I see it as him having an issue and I'm not taking those words by heart. And let's face it, I have said much harsher things for myself over it. husband could never be as harsh as I'm in my worst moments. by the way, oddest thing is, that the one who have not blamed me at all, at least not yet, is difficult child who I would had suspected to be the first one to throw the blame around. [/QUOTE]
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Can you bear one more husband whine? It's not getting better but vice versa
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