Cannot raise this child.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jody, May 9, 2013.

  1. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Yesterday my van breaks down 608.00 to get it repaired. Get rides to get around and get home, difficult child brings me a kitten she found, cute as can be but about 4-5 weeks old. Supposedly, the mother cat gave birth in a shed of a person who hates cat and was going to drown them. Well since I can't believe a thing that my pathological liar daughter says, I have no idea what really was going on. Probably if she brought this beautiful kitten with this big sob story home, I might let her keep it. Not, I had no vehicle to to go take it back and dont know where it was in the first place and I can't walk that far with my knees and back. Well anyway, liar liar pants on fire, gets up this morning and asks can she stay home in such a nice sweet voice, when I say no, oh my goodness, she called me the C word, the B word, and then the DB word and so on and so forth. Then when she realized that she really had to go to school, she threw an entire glass of cold water on me. I have to keep this kid in my house till the end of June so that I can claim her on my income tax. I really need that money. I just dont think I can do it though. I am putting her back in fostercare asap. I just wish I could get along with her till then but it doesnt seem possible. Oh yeah then she said hey you dumb B i need a dollar for school. I need to pay someone back. Um did she really think she had a shot at getting a dollar from me? Oh how can this be happening. I cannot stand her, I don't like her and at this point, I just want to cut ties with her. I dont want to see her or talk to her. I just cant take it.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a lot of the kids who are so damaged by what life has thrown them, they become their own worst enemies and can't help it. Classic attachment disorder, which I know I could never again live with.

    What is the story with her? Why do you have her in your care? Are you sure you can't tell the caseworker early that it's not working out?

    Keep a good eye on your pets, even if she pretends to like them.
  3. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    OMG Jody! That's like the time my difficult child rode his bike 3 miles to the animal shelter, STOLE a cat (not just any cat but the resident mascot) and a cage, brought it home, and then told us he found it at the end of the street! Really? You found a well groomed, well fed cat in a CAGE at the end of the street??? Uhhhhh nope - don't think so! It escalated into such a problem that the police were called shortly after and he wound up going to the psychiatric hospital.

    I'm so sorry she's being so impossible. Sending you lots of hugs! Hang in there!!!
    Last edited: May 9, 2013
  4. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    thank you, i do love her but its really hard to find right now. I know that I can't let my life get back to the way it was, i just can'tbelieve she called me that and threw water on me like that.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry. It's hard to pick up and keep going when you are faced with-that day after day.
    When was she in foster care? How/why did she come home? Did it help her at all, or was it more to give you a break?
  6. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    She was in care because I was having a mental breakdown. Due to stress brought on by her antics for so long. Just couldn't handle anymore, it was breaking me down mentally and my physical health was terrible. I ended up getting fibromyalga and just haven't really been the same thinking wise since. She was hitting me and throwing things at me, she came home and was doing really well, and then got caught up with the wrong crowd. She came home a year ago last February.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Is she still with-the same crowd?
    I would be hunting down doctors until I got all of my answers, even if I had to crawl to the door, if I were you!
    I'm sure you know that you have to get extra sleep with-your fibro.
    Have you spoken to your daughter or to the soc wkr about going back into foster care? How is she doing in school?
  8. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Geez Jody, I am so sorry. Sending you warm wishes and good thoughts that you find a solution that brings you peace....hugs.....
  9. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    Sorry that can't be easy. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
  10. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    is there any chance you can get some respite services? I worry about how she is affecting your physical and mental health. I cannot believe she threw water on you. ((hugs))
  11. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I am ashamed but you know what I did, she threw it on me and I didnt even get up and do anything about it. She called me terrible names and thru ice cold water at me and I didnt do anything. I wanted to bet her behind, but church people were coming to pick me up to take me to work. Just ashamed I did nothing. She has no remorse either. None.
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Jody... You've been down this road once before. You ended up with a break-down. You can't afford to have that happen twice.
    Things are escalating. Who in the system can you reach out to? It isn't even good for difficult child if you end up with another breakdown...
  13. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I'm sorry that it's going so badly again for you. Honestly, I'm not sure what I would have done, either. I have found that in our house when difficult child does something and we retaliate it does nothing but escalate things. I've let so may things go that I would never allow easy child to get away with.

    Weren't you trying to send her back into foster care? Can you call social services and try to get her back into the system? You can't let her break you down physically. That is not fair to you, although what about being the parent of a difficult child is fair?
  14. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, Jody. Sending hugs and strength.
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Oh, ok. I remember now.

    I am so very sorry. Try to get help, if you can...respite if you can. It is so sad that we can raise children that sometimes can not be parented or live with us. Big hugs!
  16. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Jody, I have not been there done that but honestly I think you should report her as an abuser. I have no idea what your community is like but she has a history and you have a reputation for honesty...AND...she really is making you feel at risk. This is not my area of expertese but very seriously I think you need to advocate for YOU and your safety. in my humble opinion it is likely to get worse and once that happens both of you will suffer consequences. Sending sincere caring hugs. DDD
  17. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    My easy child says she can't live at home. I don't blame her, but I am so hurt and mad and glad for her. She will be leaving to go stay at one of her church family's home today. Im mad because this is always what happens, I lose my time with my easy child and get left with difficult child. I can't stop crying today and I am at work.
  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Jody, call the cops and press charges for battery and/or assault. If the cops give you problems, go to a DV center and get them to help you make the cops respond. You have a teen who is likely the size of an adult, is far stronger than you are, and is violent. Having fibro means you are very vulnerable and she can do serious damage that could end up being permanent.

    Throwing water on someone can be considered assault, and in many places is. I was at a restaurant where a jerk threw a glass of ice water on a server because his drink was watered down from the ice melting. The server was in tears, just really upset. I would be too. He was arrested and taken to jail.

    I know money is tight and the income tax money for next year would be very helpful, but you have to get her out of your home before she seriously hurts you or kills you. The other thing that is likely to happen is that you snap and do serious harm to her. Right now you just didn't react, but at some point you will feel so threatened and scared that you lash out at her and one of you will be in the hospital or worse .

    Part of being a parent is making the hard choices where there are no good options. You have to protect both you and difficult child from doing something that cannot heal. It is time to find another way to get the money and to get her out of your home before one of you is dead or in the hospital and the other ends up in prison. You don't want that to be her future or yours. It is time to send her back to foster care and look for other financial resources.
  19. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Sending strength hon. Hope easy child gives you a nice Mother's Day at least.
  20. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Is she still spending half time with the former foster parents?

    Quin has dumped drinks on people several times, sometimes to be funny, sometimes to be mean, its infuriating to me. Thank God it's been over a year at least..... And got sure I've dumped it back on him a couple of times which he did not like.....but I wish i hadn't.

    These days I do what you did at the time. I barely do anything and it works best, he doesn't get a reaction. But after I remind him he made his choice....we have some things that are contingent on no aggression. So he loses allowance or phone card and though chalk of it is less, when he does get loud or threatens to do something (happy to say he hadn't touched me in a looong time) I've made it clear that that kind of thing makes me not want too help him out. Make your own breakfast, find your own special shirt, wash your own glasses....kind of like what you did with the dollar.

    What are you doing with the kitten? Hope your not paying one cent toward it's upkeep. She should have to find it a home. Even if you like it, she didn't ask.

    Anyway, I know our kids have different issues and intent but I just wanted you to know I get how demoralizing and upsetting it can get to have your child do things like that. I wish she could get better but that isn't happening right now and you need to protect your and easy child's mental health. She should not have to leave her mother and home. I'm so sorry difficult child has done that to you two. Hugs. Big big hugs.