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Can't bring myself to visit difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="wheredidmylittleguygo" data-source="post: 39757" data-attributes="member: 3182"><p>It is extremely hard for me to think he is truly ill. This was his 3rd trip to the hospital & no one has a diagnosis other than ODD. They have ruled out so many things & tell me it's just behavioral. He has no mental illness. </p><p>Nothing sends him into a rage other than him not getting his way. I don't think that's an illness. I think he's making a choice to act like that. I think he's perfectly capable of chosing differently. I think he's just stubborn and is upping the ante to see if he can win.</p><p></p><p>I guess I'm resentful because I don't blame an illness for his behavior, I blame him.</p><p></p><p>I feel like if I call him first then I've lost or given in to him. Perhaps this is unrealistic and I'm just thinking this way because I'm so used to being manipulated by him. </p><p></p><p>He told the DJO he hadn't called because he was mad at me. I guess he thinks I should have just hid him out when he first ran from Residential Treatment Center (RTC). </p><p></p><p>I want so bad to forgive him & put this behind us but I can't seem to let go of the anger. These last two years have been a nightmare. The therapist said I need to forgive myself before I can forgive him. I find that very hard to do. When I'm not mad at difficult child then I'm mad at myself for making him this way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="wheredidmylittleguygo, post: 39757, member: 3182"] It is extremely hard for me to think he is truly ill. This was his 3rd trip to the hospital & no one has a diagnosis other than ODD. They have ruled out so many things & tell me it's just behavioral. He has no mental illness. Nothing sends him into a rage other than him not getting his way. I don't think that's an illness. I think he's making a choice to act like that. I think he's perfectly capable of chosing differently. I think he's just stubborn and is upping the ante to see if he can win. I guess I'm resentful because I don't blame an illness for his behavior, I blame him. I feel like if I call him first then I've lost or given in to him. Perhaps this is unrealistic and I'm just thinking this way because I'm so used to being manipulated by him. He told the DJO he hadn't called because he was mad at me. I guess he thinks I should have just hid him out when he first ran from Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I want so bad to forgive him & put this behind us but I can't seem to let go of the anger. These last two years have been a nightmare. The therapist said I need to forgive myself before I can forgive him. I find that very hard to do. When I'm not mad at difficult child then I'm mad at myself for making him this way. [/QUOTE]
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