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Can't get started with our 10 year old son
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 399939" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Hi Dad and welcome.</p><p></p><p>First off, I think it's very positive that he's doing so well in school and athletics. That is a very hopeful sign, in my humble opinion.</p><p></p><p>While I understand the dilemma of ultimatums and line-in-sand-drawing provoking defiance, the bottom line is that this is a 10-year-old *boy* who is being violent toward his family members. Whether or not he is evaluated is a decision you and your wife, as his responsible parents, must make. Certainly his cooperation would be more than helpful, but ... as the mother of a child who was incredibly violent for years, I feel very *very* strongly about a zero tolerance for violence in the home. You and your wife do have an obligation to protect his siblings, as well as yourselves. The damage a violent/aggressive sibling can cause to other sibs in the household is significant.</p><p></p><p>If a carrot approach (aka bribery) would work, I'd go for it. If reasoning is possible, I would explain that the behaviors he is exhibiting at home are having a negative impact on 4 other people and it's time to find out if there is something that can be done to help him control his behaviors. In essence, by making home life unsafe, he actually has already made the choice to have further evaluations. But bottom line, the evaluation needs to be undertaken regardless of whether or not he agrees.</p><p></p><p>You cannot allow your marriage and your family life to be held hostage by a violent 10-year-old. Your other children have an absolute right to live in a safe home. Realistically, what is the alternative? What will be *your* line in the sand for forcing evaluation/treatment? </p><p></p><p>Just my opinion - again, our family dealt with violence, destruction, and aggression for years from our difficult child, and I feel that while we did address it quickly, my other children were exposed to way too much of it. Hindsight being 20/20, I would have been much more proactive in keeping them away from the violence (and verbal aggression is just as harmful to sibs as physical violence, in my humble opinion). </p><p></p><p>Again, welcome and I'm glad you found us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 399939, member: 8"] Hi Dad and welcome. First off, I think it's very positive that he's doing so well in school and athletics. That is a very hopeful sign, in my humble opinion. While I understand the dilemma of ultimatums and line-in-sand-drawing provoking defiance, the bottom line is that this is a 10-year-old *boy* who is being violent toward his family members. Whether or not he is evaluated is a decision you and your wife, as his responsible parents, must make. Certainly his cooperation would be more than helpful, but ... as the mother of a child who was incredibly violent for years, I feel very *very* strongly about a zero tolerance for violence in the home. You and your wife do have an obligation to protect his siblings, as well as yourselves. The damage a violent/aggressive sibling can cause to other sibs in the household is significant. If a carrot approach (aka bribery) would work, I'd go for it. If reasoning is possible, I would explain that the behaviors he is exhibiting at home are having a negative impact on 4 other people and it's time to find out if there is something that can be done to help him control his behaviors. In essence, by making home life unsafe, he actually has already made the choice to have further evaluations. But bottom line, the evaluation needs to be undertaken regardless of whether or not he agrees. You cannot allow your marriage and your family life to be held hostage by a violent 10-year-old. Your other children have an absolute right to live in a safe home. Realistically, what is the alternative? What will be *your* line in the sand for forcing evaluation/treatment? Just my opinion - again, our family dealt with violence, destruction, and aggression for years from our difficult child, and I feel that while we did address it quickly, my other children were exposed to way too much of it. Hindsight being 20/20, I would have been much more proactive in keeping them away from the violence (and verbal aggression is just as harmful to sibs as physical violence, in my humble opinion). Again, welcome and I'm glad you found us. [/QUOTE]
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