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Can't get started with our 10 year old son
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 399941" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>Welcome. Glad you found us but sorry you needed to. It's a difficult road but you all can survive.</p><p> </p><p>First, and foremost, where do you and your wife agree? Do you both agree that an evaluation is needed? Do you both agree that you will schedule it and get him there? Can you discuss what method both of you can agree to for accomplishing this goal?</p><p> </p><p>Obviously he can not be the one who decides. That empowers him. That makes him confident that he the ruling force in the family and can dictate to everyone..perhaps even encourages the concept of more violence to make sure that you all do as he wants and says. Can't happen.</p><p> </p><p>Agree on that one thing with your spouse. Then go for it. If bribery is necessary. Oh, well. Is bribery good? Of course not. It is imperative that you all know his strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps he thinks he will be given physical tests. There are no physical aspects. on the other hand, he will learn how smart he is. That should appeal to his ego. Play it however you both agree it can be played and do not get into long drawn out conversations about it. It just is going to happen.</p><p> </p><p>Does your family have a history of troubled behavior? Is he a biological son? Sometimes the past gives clues to the present. </p><p> </p><p>On a sincere sympathetic note, I am sorry you are facing this. It is <strong>not </strong>your fault. It is <strong>not </strong>your wife's fault. Anything that either of you has done or said in the past did not cause this degree of trouble. Get together as a parental unit to identify the issues and then you'll be on the way to trying for some resolutions. You can do it! We are all rooting for you.</p><p>DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 399941, member: 35"] Welcome. Glad you found us but sorry you needed to. It's a difficult road but you all can survive. First, and foremost, where do you and your wife agree? Do you both agree that an evaluation is needed? Do you both agree that you will schedule it and get him there? Can you discuss what method both of you can agree to for accomplishing this goal? Obviously he can not be the one who decides. That empowers him. That makes him confident that he the ruling force in the family and can dictate to everyone..perhaps even encourages the concept of more violence to make sure that you all do as he wants and says. Can't happen. Agree on that one thing with your spouse. Then go for it. If bribery is necessary. Oh, well. Is bribery good? Of course not. It is imperative that you all know his strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps he thinks he will be given physical tests. There are no physical aspects. on the other hand, he will learn how smart he is. That should appeal to his ego. Play it however you both agree it can be played and do not get into long drawn out conversations about it. It just is going to happen. Does your family have a history of troubled behavior? Is he a biological son? Sometimes the past gives clues to the present. On a sincere sympathetic note, I am sorry you are facing this. It is [B]not [/B]your fault. It is [B]not [/B]your wife's fault. Anything that either of you has done or said in the past did not cause this degree of trouble. Get together as a parental unit to identify the issues and then you'll be on the way to trying for some resolutions. You can do it! We are all rooting for you. DDD [/QUOTE]
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