I have decided that one of the things I HATE about all this is you can't give an inch...because they'll take a mile. My son now has a job - starts tonight. It's less than a mile from the shelter so he can walk...which is good since it's also 8 p.m. to 3 a.m., cleaning a State building. But of course, he won't get paid for two - three weeks. He called and asked for a loan, just $10 for cigarettes or something. I told him no. But I don't want to tell him no! Jabber and I have talked and one thing we agree on is: If our son straightened his act up, is working, is taking care of business like an adult, we would be willing to help him from time to time. If he's only making $8.00/hr and he's out of money after paying rent and utilities, we'd buy him food. We'd kick in on rent or pay his phone bill from time to time. We'd do these things if he was really trying...not spending money on junk food or Magic cards or video games. I want my son to know that - but we can't tell him that. If we tell him that, then within days he'd say, "But, I'm trying!" Or in a couple months he'd say, "Gosh the electric bill was high and I'm out of money." when he'd still have money - just keeping it to spend on something else. We can't trust him to do the right thing and not take advantage. It sucks so much! I want to help him out. Even after all he's done, I want that! Knowing I shouldn't just...sucks! I happen to know there's a cheap, partially furnished apartment for rent right up the street from where he'll be working. I'd love to tell him about it. I'd love to pay the darn deposits and get him in there and settled...but I think he'd just settle in J-1 or some other bum and next thing I'd hear is, "Well they eat all the food! I need more money!" Because he wouldn't kick them out. He won't be without his "friends". Why does it have to be this hard? I know you guys are probably sick of me whining....It's not right. He shouldn't be this way. It's not FAIR! ...But I just SO don't understand it. I want to understand it! More than anything else I want to understand this behavior. Maybe then I'd be able to come to terms with not being able to be a "normal" mom who can give her kid a gift, or a helping hand, without having it be an opening to being taken advantage of.