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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 627855" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks, COM. It was eye-opening and this was before my daughter was using drugs. I never thought any of my kids ever WOULD use drugs, since we had set such a good example...hahahahaha. Silly me. Jokes on me.</p><p></p><p>The two difficult children I know of here on CD who actually did stop using drugs and are living productive lives did not quit due to parental intervention or even rehabs. My own daughter detoxed in her a****hole brother's basement (this is Scott who has all the compassion of a rock and probably no idea what was happening in his basement). She did it alone. She did not tell anyone about it until after and she had been clean for a few months. Her lightbulb moment was when she moved to brother's basement, knowing he would throw her out if she even lit up a cigarette, and realized that his controlling, restrictive enviroment at least allowed her to be free of her crazy druggy life...she did not want to built another crazy druggy life and she quit. </p><p></p><p>The other difficult child who quit was pregnant and in jail an d quit. I assume it was because of her beloved child, but that doesn't stop all difficult children. Something had to have gone off in her head too...some lightbulb...and she also was not living at home.</p><p></p><p>But of course plenty are on the streets and DON'T have a lightbulb moment. Many of our clients, as we called them at the homeless shelter, had been coming for years and years and some were middle aged, some were elderly. All had addiction. None were there because they were down on their luck. I assume if anyone just down on luck became homeless and had no family to help the family would ask for assistance and follow the rules so they could stay until better arrangements could be found. Our difficult children don't want to follow any rules. Unless we don't attach any behavioral strings to their behavior, they reject help. Often they abuse us if we set a boundary or walk out of an expensive rehab that we funded or trash an apartment we paid for (and probably signed for so we are culpable for the destruction). </p><p></p><p>The common thread I noticed with the homeless people who would come to sleep at our shelter was substance abuse and a total unwillingness to get clean. Now it's not like they whispered secrets into our ears. Street folks are very private. But you could tell by red eyes, behavior, and the little they did say to us or one another that this was what was going on. Sometimes we'd hear them talking in the community room about where to get drugs or what drugs to get. And where they could hang out during the day (the library was a big draw). At night, a different church had a hot, delicious meal and a thick mattress and blankets every nigiht. We gave them vouchers to use the train. Trust me, nobody else got free train vouchers...the train was expensive. They would definitely go place to place to get the meal. We even packed a sandwich for lunch. We gave them warm clothing for free. Most were satisfied with that type of life as long as they could keep using drugs. Some disappeared forever. Some came every week. It taught me a lot.</p><p></p><p>This, by the way, was not in an inner city. This was a very VERY elite community in the Chicago suburbs where you really don't SEE the homeless and if you didn't work at the shelter you may not believe there WERE homeless. These people were the sons and daughters of successful people who probably did all that we did and are/were probably also just as heartbroken as us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 627855, member: 1550"] Thanks, COM. It was eye-opening and this was before my daughter was using drugs. I never thought any of my kids ever WOULD use drugs, since we had set such a good example...hahahahaha. Silly me. Jokes on me. The two difficult children I know of here on CD who actually did stop using drugs and are living productive lives did not quit due to parental intervention or even rehabs. My own daughter detoxed in her a****hole brother's basement (this is Scott who has all the compassion of a rock and probably no idea what was happening in his basement). She did it alone. She did not tell anyone about it until after and she had been clean for a few months. Her lightbulb moment was when she moved to brother's basement, knowing he would throw her out if she even lit up a cigarette, and realized that his controlling, restrictive enviroment at least allowed her to be free of her crazy druggy life...she did not want to built another crazy druggy life and she quit. The other difficult child who quit was pregnant and in jail an d quit. I assume it was because of her beloved child, but that doesn't stop all difficult children. Something had to have gone off in her head too...some lightbulb...and she also was not living at home. But of course plenty are on the streets and DON'T have a lightbulb moment. Many of our clients, as we called them at the homeless shelter, had been coming for years and years and some were middle aged, some were elderly. All had addiction. None were there because they were down on their luck. I assume if anyone just down on luck became homeless and had no family to help the family would ask for assistance and follow the rules so they could stay until better arrangements could be found. Our difficult children don't want to follow any rules. Unless we don't attach any behavioral strings to their behavior, they reject help. Often they abuse us if we set a boundary or walk out of an expensive rehab that we funded or trash an apartment we paid for (and probably signed for so we are culpable for the destruction). The common thread I noticed with the homeless people who would come to sleep at our shelter was substance abuse and a total unwillingness to get clean. Now it's not like they whispered secrets into our ears. Street folks are very private. But you could tell by red eyes, behavior, and the little they did say to us or one another that this was what was going on. Sometimes we'd hear them talking in the community room about where to get drugs or what drugs to get. And where they could hang out during the day (the library was a big draw). At night, a different church had a hot, delicious meal and a thick mattress and blankets every nigiht. We gave them vouchers to use the train. Trust me, nobody else got free train vouchers...the train was expensive. They would definitely go place to place to get the meal. We even packed a sandwich for lunch. We gave them warm clothing for free. Most were satisfied with that type of life as long as they could keep using drugs. Some disappeared forever. Some came every week. It taught me a lot. This, by the way, was not in an inner city. This was a very VERY elite community in the Chicago suburbs where you really don't SEE the homeless and if you didn't work at the shelter you may not believe there WERE homeless. These people were the sons and daughters of successful people who probably did all that we did and are/were probably also just as heartbroken as us. [/QUOTE]
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