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Parent Emeritus
Can't take it anymore...I can't...I can't...I can't
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 598781" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Actually, he needs a lawyer or he will lose now that there is an investigation going on. If one parent has a lawyer a nd the other doesn't, it's almost a slam dunk for the one who does. Nothing is black and white in divorce court.</p><p></p><p>But the point is, I am simply falling apart myself. I can't listen to this yet I feel guilty if I don't. If he had started out stable and had become a drug abuser, I'd feel he did it to himself. But he was never that stable. It isn't even about my grandson anymore to me. I barely know my grandson. It's about how much his terrible problems have invaded my life at such a level that I walk around with his ex in my head. And the fear of suicide too. I don't know how he will handle it other than to yell and lose it if his father stops paying, and his father is going to have to put out a good $50K or more if he actually supports 35 through all of this. That's what contested custody cases where one person won't settle tend to cost. He could pull the plug at any time. </p><p></p><p>I think my son needs mental health suppport, not my support. This morning he called and I was too tired and worn out to support him t o the level he wants and needs so he hung up! Maybe that's the key. I can't do it anymore the way he wants me to so I can just act as tired as I feel about this and he won't expect me to be his therapist. BUT WHY IS THERE NO FREE MENTAL HEALTH FOR ANYONE WHO NEEDS IT? Why do you have to make $30K a year to get it? His money means nothing at t his point. It's just a number. With expenses, he has no money and his insurance doesn't cover much of mental health care. I'm very PO'd about this right now. As well as with him for scaring me with his "kill myself" threat. In a way it's manipulation. But I know he could do it too. </p><p></p><p>I have group therapy for myself today. Couldn't have come at a better time. I'm leaving my phone at home. If I let myself focus on 35 today, it's going to be to try to call the county mental health facility in his area to see if he is telling the truth and absolutely can not get services due to his income. </p><p></p><p>Today I need to regroup and talk to my therapist and the other women in my therapy group. Tomorrow is Al-Anon and the Twelve Step concept usually helps me. There is a lady in Al-Anon whose son died from alcohol. In the end, does it matter HOW the child died? I am starting to know her pretty well. I am thinking of asking her to be my sponsor. I need day-to-day reminders of how I can't change any outcome for 35, even if his main issue is mental illness. </p><p></p><p>Being a parent can be soooooooooo hard.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 598781, member: 1550"] Actually, he needs a lawyer or he will lose now that there is an investigation going on. If one parent has a lawyer a nd the other doesn't, it's almost a slam dunk for the one who does. Nothing is black and white in divorce court. But the point is, I am simply falling apart myself. I can't listen to this yet I feel guilty if I don't. If he had started out stable and had become a drug abuser, I'd feel he did it to himself. But he was never that stable. It isn't even about my grandson anymore to me. I barely know my grandson. It's about how much his terrible problems have invaded my life at such a level that I walk around with his ex in my head. And the fear of suicide too. I don't know how he will handle it other than to yell and lose it if his father stops paying, and his father is going to have to put out a good $50K or more if he actually supports 35 through all of this. That's what contested custody cases where one person won't settle tend to cost. He could pull the plug at any time. I think my son needs mental health suppport, not my support. This morning he called and I was too tired and worn out to support him t o the level he wants and needs so he hung up! Maybe that's the key. I can't do it anymore the way he wants me to so I can just act as tired as I feel about this and he won't expect me to be his therapist. BUT WHY IS THERE NO FREE MENTAL HEALTH FOR ANYONE WHO NEEDS IT? Why do you have to make $30K a year to get it? His money means nothing at t his point. It's just a number. With expenses, he has no money and his insurance doesn't cover much of mental health care. I'm very PO'd about this right now. As well as with him for scaring me with his "kill myself" threat. In a way it's manipulation. But I know he could do it too. I have group therapy for myself today. Couldn't have come at a better time. I'm leaving my phone at home. If I let myself focus on 35 today, it's going to be to try to call the county mental health facility in his area to see if he is telling the truth and absolutely can not get services due to his income. Today I need to regroup and talk to my therapist and the other women in my therapy group. Tomorrow is Al-Anon and the Twelve Step concept usually helps me. There is a lady in Al-Anon whose son died from alcohol. In the end, does it matter HOW the child died? I am starting to know her pretty well. I am thinking of asking her to be my sponsor. I need day-to-day reminders of how I can't change any outcome for 35, even if his main issue is mental illness. Being a parent can be soooooooooo hard. [/QUOTE]
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