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Can't take it anymore...I can't...I can't...I can't
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 598873" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>It's not the custody and who gets it that I'm worried about. Grandson will not win with either scenario. These are two very damaged parents who do not have their acts together. His ex is probably a sociopath with some histronic and borderline thrown in and she has also suffered from depression and has had brain surgery that may have impacted her ability to be rational. She has screaming fits and does not treat her family any better than 35 treats me when he is having one of his adult fits. So Grandson will not be in stable hands either way, nor is either parent to the point where this child will be taken away, is being neglected, or is being physically abused. So Grandson is, as they say, pretty much screwed and there's nothing I can do about that. </p><p></p><p>This is my main worry. I'm worried about my son surviving this. It's easier when he's abusing me. When he isn't, then the mom feelings come back and I'm sick with worry.</p><p></p><p>Today I told him that I can't listen to him talking about suicide or I couldn't give him ANY support. He said, "I'm not going to do it." But I'm not so sure. Still, I hope he stops because it's my biggest fear. If he's going to do it, do it. I can't stop him. He never says "I'm killing myself NOW" so I can't even call 911. It's always sometime in the future. Well, I don't want to hear about it anymore unless you took pills or have a gun to your head, then I can call 911. I don't need to worry about sometime in the future.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for all your kind thoughts. I do try to help. Sometimes I can't take my own advice, I guess. I'm better with kids who use drugs than with this mental illness bit. I have no problem being tough on a normal person who screws up life by taking drugs or drinking too much, but I have a real issue with abandoning somebody who has struggled with mental illness all of his life. He had to drop out of college because, even though he was gifted, he couldn't stop himself from counting and counting...every word the professors said he had to count. It drove him nuts. It drove me nuts. He was in ER all the time with panic attacks. He was on SSDI for three years. </p><p></p><p>Then he went into remission until the panic attacks came back. God help me. Why did I breed with all this garbage on my family tree?? I wonder what little gifts my Grandson will get from both of his parents (shudder). Right now, he seems ok. </p><p></p><p>Thanks for letting me vent. Soon enough 35 will swear at me or call me a horrible name again and that will make it easier to detach (sigh).</p><p></p><p>I'm planning a trip to Chicago with Jumper to see my daughter Julie and that will be very good for my nerves. "The girls" (what we three call ourselves) always have a good time together. I need the break badly.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 598873, member: 1550"] It's not the custody and who gets it that I'm worried about. Grandson will not win with either scenario. These are two very damaged parents who do not have their acts together. His ex is probably a sociopath with some histronic and borderline thrown in and she has also suffered from depression and has had brain surgery that may have impacted her ability to be rational. She has screaming fits and does not treat her family any better than 35 treats me when he is having one of his adult fits. So Grandson will not be in stable hands either way, nor is either parent to the point where this child will be taken away, is being neglected, or is being physically abused. So Grandson is, as they say, pretty much screwed and there's nothing I can do about that. This is my main worry. I'm worried about my son surviving this. It's easier when he's abusing me. When he isn't, then the mom feelings come back and I'm sick with worry. Today I told him that I can't listen to him talking about suicide or I couldn't give him ANY support. He said, "I'm not going to do it." But I'm not so sure. Still, I hope he stops because it's my biggest fear. If he's going to do it, do it. I can't stop him. He never says "I'm killing myself NOW" so I can't even call 911. It's always sometime in the future. Well, I don't want to hear about it anymore unless you took pills or have a gun to your head, then I can call 911. I don't need to worry about sometime in the future. Thanks for all your kind thoughts. I do try to help. Sometimes I can't take my own advice, I guess. I'm better with kids who use drugs than with this mental illness bit. I have no problem being tough on a normal person who screws up life by taking drugs or drinking too much, but I have a real issue with abandoning somebody who has struggled with mental illness all of his life. He had to drop out of college because, even though he was gifted, he couldn't stop himself from counting and counting...every word the professors said he had to count. It drove him nuts. It drove me nuts. He was in ER all the time with panic attacks. He was on SSDI for three years. Then he went into remission until the panic attacks came back. God help me. Why did I breed with all this garbage on my family tree?? I wonder what little gifts my Grandson will get from both of his parents (shudder). Right now, he seems ok. Thanks for letting me vent. Soon enough 35 will swear at me or call me a horrible name again and that will make it easier to detach (sigh). I'm planning a trip to Chicago with Jumper to see my daughter Julie and that will be very good for my nerves. "The girls" (what we three call ourselves) always have a good time together. I need the break badly. [/QUOTE]
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