Can't take it

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Sep 27, 2007.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Well, difficult child was removed again from class. I just don't understand. Forever, he has had trouble transfering notes from overhead/board to paper. Teachers are aware of this. Apparently today the teacher was getting on him for this and he yelled out "fricking A". Which resulted in class removal.

    He cannot make it two days in a row. But, when I am at school in the office (1000 kids at this school), I hear the office ladies talk about all the truant kids. I witness kids yelling and swearing and swinging at the staff. difficult child is not violent.

    He seems to be blinking very deliberate, and moving his mouth weird. Loses absolutely everything. I just cannot afford a neuropsychologist evaluation.

    I don't feel as if I should be coming to the board, as I have absolutely no advice for all of you who also have difficulties. I am doing all I can to just make it through the days.

  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry. I wish I had some wise words or an answer for you that would help. I now that you're lonely and miserable and the only advice I can offer is that eventually it will pass.


    I regret to inform you that by virtue of being a loving mother who would give her right arm for her child, who at times seems nearly impossible to parent, you belong here just as much as any of us misfits.


    You're not getting out of it that easily, young lady! Besides, if you can't fit in with us, who can you fit in with? (Don't tell me, I don't want to know!)

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{Big Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}
  3. envisablepuppet

    envisablepuppet New Member

    We have all felt this way at some time or other. If we stopped coming because we all thought we were to needy and had nothing to offer others, this board would be quite bare :(.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree we have all felt that way. I know lately I have. However, you do belong here so keep coming! I'm sorry difficult child is struggling so. I wish his teachers knew his IEP better so she wouldn't have been getting on him.
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I second what witz and lea said! All of us have been, at some point (or points), so wrapped up in the current issues with our difficult children that we feel we are of litte support or help to others. But it is the ups and downs we share that make this site strong.

    In regards to your son, I seem to remember that at one point your husband was the point of contact for the school. Perhaps if that is not the case, it needs to be now. You need to talk with him and tell him that you need a break here. You have done everything you can to help your son - it's time for dad to step up to the plate.

    Let dad handle this for awhile - if they are removing him from class, call dad. If he is causing real trouble, have them call dad. If they need to fill someone in on what has happened during the day, call dad. Give them dad's cell number and email address so he can be the primary contact for awhile. So many folks think we have to handle the majority of the difficult child issues with school. But heck, last time I checked it took two to have a baby!

    Take a little break from this K. :sleeping:

  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    Sorry to hear that difficult child is struggling so in the school environment. Is is possible to find difficult child a more structured, less crowded classroom? I'm wondering if he doesn't need a more contained class setting.

    In the meantime, we all go through our times of being drained & not having much to offer. You'll come out the other side, educated on difficult children issues & be able to share that knowledge with some other parent.

    Take care of yourself.
  7. Kjs

    Kjs Guest


    Dad works in a shop. Cannot get phone calls. Has only limited (25 minutes) at lunch to return calls..then staff is at lunch. As for email..he has no computer. He doesn't even know how to click a mouse!
  8. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'm not convinced it is your son who is the problem. It sounds like he is being singled out. When he finally gets sent to the office for breathing, it will be 100% confirmed. There are some teachers who just want the slow, difficult, needy kids out of their class and will do anything to make this happen. Maybe it is time to get him out of the classes that are constantly sending him to the office?

    Middle school was the worst for my daughter. For the first two months of 7th grade, she was in the office every day. She was sent by the same two teachers daily. And, yes, she was actually sent to the office for breathing too heavily (she had a cold!). I finally insisted she be removed from these classes.

    For us, it was a little too late. The damage had been done to her self-esteem and I'm not sure she ever truly recovered (blame by me, constant teaching by classmates, cruelty of the teachers). When it first started happening, I put the blame on my daughter, not the teachers. She'd always been difficult in class. If she didn't want to do something, there was no one on this planet who could get her to do it and she would do anything and everything to irritate those around her to get out of doing class work she considered boring. So, I gave her consequences, I punished, I yelled, I screamed and she was still being sent to the office. It took my friend intervening and really listening to my child to get me to understand this was not my daughter but the teachers who just wanted her out BEFORE she actually disrupted the class!

    Having ADHD and being highly disorganized doesn't help these type of situations. Sometimes the best we can do is try to give our kids every tool we can think of to help them survive (mind you, I said survive, not succeed). I used to go to the school once a week and clean out my daughter's locker. Photocopies of homework not turned in would be put in the teacher's slot; the originals would be given to my daughter to give to the teachers. After straightening up the locker, I would leave a little something (note, treat, surprise) so that it was less of a mom checking up and more of a wow! look what mom left thing.

    As to worrying you're not giving enough, like in every relationship there are times you give, there are times you take and there are times you share. I've seen you give a lot. I've seen you share when you've had problems and posted at the same time. Now is your time to take. Your friends, acquaintances and board members are here for you.
  9. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    You have gotten some good advice.

    In terms of the eye blinking and mouth movements, they are likely not deliberate but rather tics. Tics can be exacerbated by either anxiety, medications or just appear in childhood. You should check in with the neurologist about these movements.
  10. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member


    does your son take seroquel by chance? (I remember a post a few days back about a child being put on seroquel)

    At any rate, my daughter had terrible difficulty with tics and involuntary muscle movements when she was on seroquel. You may want to talk to the doctor and see if any of his medications could be causing this.
  11. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    On the last thread, when you were given links about Tourettes and executive function disorders, did you look them up? The tics and the inappropriate yelling could be a good indicator that he may have Tourettes.

    The kid has GOT to have a neuropsyche evaluation. I do not believe his diagnosis is correct, or at least it is not complete. At this point, it is as though you are treating him for diabetes, when he may have pneumonia. Then, not only is he getting in trouble at school for not having his blood sugar under control, he is getting yelled at by you when he gets home.

    I think that most of what goes on at the school is not his fault. I think the school is singling him out, but to be fair, they are doing nothing different than you are. With the diagnosis they have, and the IEP that there is in place, they too are like "why can't this kid just get his act together!"

    He is being done a great disservice. He can't get a better IEP without a more accurate diagnosis. All the yelling at him in the world is not going to change him. All the screaming at the school in the world is fighting an uphill battle, too. As soon as one issue gets resolved, another one pops up. You need to solve the CAUSE, not the EFFECT.
  12. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    First off I am glad you are here. I believe all of us are needed here so that we can deal with our rollercoaster ride. Please, don't ever feel you don't belong. We are all part of a vital system that keeps those of us who are falling apart at the time all glued too are the glue!! I get feeling that way too, however I have nobody here to lean on and I am not willing to give in to insanity.

    I am terribly sorry about the school issues. Have you talked with the school psychologist? This has to be affecting your difficult child emotionally and even socially, not to mention academically. Does your difficult child have a counselor that can help you out at school? Maybe even a child advocate can help. Just suggestions on what I've heard others try when they are beyond frustrated. I would document everything. You never know when you will be asked to recall those events.

    Also, peanut was on Abilify and had a severe reaction. They changed him to Seroquel, but he has tics. They put him on Benztropine to help with the tic movements, apparently he is better on the medication then off. Please keep us posted. HUGS!!
  13. Gramma

    Gramma New Member

    Please stay on the board. You are valued here even when it feels like there is no point in going on anymore. Several have said that they have times when they don't feel they have something useful to say, but they are on, giving hugs to help through the day.

    Take care. May God bless you and give you the strength you need to get through each day.
  14. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    :smile: Apparently Gramma edited her post.She is my mother. Only 4 of the 7 grandkids in her home are my children. The other three belong to her step son. I live there too and I am fully involved with my 4 boys and take care of their needs, however with peanuts psychiatrist telling me I can't work until he gets under control my income comming in is very minimal, thus putting more financial stress on Gramma. On the other hand I cook almost every meal for everyone, I watch their girls when they get home from school and make sure baths and homework are done. Gramma and Papa don't get home until 7/7:30pm they leave at 5:30am. Bedtime is 8pm. Dinner is 5/5:30pm. I too am trying, however it is hard to fix everything. My vehicle is broke down and has had the spare tire on for a month now, but I know life will get better soon.
  15. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    When I asked the psychiatrist about a neuropsychologist evaluation last year he said waste of money and said it was approx $6000. This psychiatrist is a pediatric board certified works with Rogers Memorial Hospital.
    Childrens Hospital is not far away, Medical university..If it would be covered on my behavior health portion of my insurance I would do it, but it is not. It would go towards the medical portion and I do not have the money for that.

    difficult child has use to be so angry. Nice one second and in a drop of a hat he was this angry screaming, mean kid. Never knew when or what would cause it. He has been on Lamictal for 3 years now. We rarely see any anger. Rarely see severe mood changes anymore. I was thinking of asking psychiatrist if we can begin to come off the Lamictal. Tried adding Lexapro last year and it did not go over well. Tried adding Remerom, that did not go well.

    Yes I did read the links on Tourrettes. I sent it to the Program director at his school. She is the one person that told me she does NOT believe it is difficult child causing these problems. Unfortunately she works at three different buildings. She emailed me today and told me not to give up. difficult child will be a success. She did read the link also and said she will look into it further and see if there is anything we can do to add accomodations into his IEP. This lady is wonderful. I do not know how she has time to work at other schools. Seems as if she is always with difficult child.
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hugs, Hon, stay with us. Don't go running off alone because your life is in turmoil. That is what we are here for. To help support you. And to love you.

    Maybe it is time to let school issues be SCHOOL issues. SCHOOL seems to be CAUSING some of the issues.

    What would happen if at home you had a defined study time, and then had family time. No mention of school or homework or anything else then. JUST time to BE.

    School sometimes has to realize that other issues are more importatnt. NO school does not want to, but tough cookies.

    If you can opt out of school crises unless your difficult child calls barfing, then you will have some peace, which may lead to less stress for everyone and better performance.

    It is really hard. I know. I am the daughter of a teacher and a college professor. So it was incredibly hard when I had to do it.


  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Stay with-us, Kjs!!!! We're all in the same boat.
    Your director at school sounds like a charm. I'm so glad she is thinking positive thoughts and believes your difficult child isn't the problem.
    I, too, would wonder if there is a drug related tic, or if it's Tourettes, and would want tests. There's got to be a way to get a referral and figure it out.

    My son blinked strangely when he was about 6 or 7. I can't recall the age now, but I remember the exact moment that I saw him do it the first time. I told him it looked strange and to please stop it. He said he couldn't. I asked him if his eyes itched and he said sort of, but mostly, they were sticky. I thought, hmm, very dry. By coincidence, we had a camp physical and his pediatrician did a regular eye exam and referred him to a pediatric specialist, based on what he saw with-his otoscope. Turned out he has glaucoma. Weird blinking is one of the symptoms. (No, of course the docs didn't tell me that part ... I found it online when I looked up details on glaucoma.)

    I would go back to your pediatrician and be very firm about a referral. Then find resources to help with-payment. Many places have a sliding fee scale. Our local children's hospital. has numerous fundraisers all yr to raise $ to provide for people who can't afford the full fee.