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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Can't tell when to help and when to step back!
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<blockquote data-quote="jbrain" data-source="post: 270195" data-attributes="member: 3450"><p>Hi and Welcome to our group. You'll find a lot of support here and great advice. I guess from my perspective it looks like you are invested in your boys' academic success but they aren't. I think at this point any "help" you give them is really just taking the responsibility away from them and putting it on you.</p><p></p><p>I remember with my difficult child 1 that we did everything we could to keep her in school and to keep her out of trouble. It didn't work. The more we helped the more helpless she became. She didn't really take on the responsibility for running her own life til she was kicked out of our house at the age of 18. I don't like a lot of the choices she made but she does run her own life now and she showed she was capable of a lot more than I thought she was.</p><p></p><p>Since your boys are not doing well in school anyway I would not be driving them--they should be totally responsible for getting up and getting to school. If they don't they face the consequences. For Heaven's sake, why can't you be able to do something for yourself every morning--they are not small children who need to have you there every moment. And this is not a good example to set for them--they sound like they feel very entitled. That is not healthy for them or for you. I think you are going to have to get tough and stand up and be the mom. You will lots of help and support for that here! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>Others will be along soon! Best of luck to you!</p><p></p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jbrain, post: 270195, member: 3450"] Hi and Welcome to our group. You'll find a lot of support here and great advice. I guess from my perspective it looks like you are invested in your boys' academic success but they aren't. I think at this point any "help" you give them is really just taking the responsibility away from them and putting it on you. I remember with my difficult child 1 that we did everything we could to keep her in school and to keep her out of trouble. It didn't work. The more we helped the more helpless she became. She didn't really take on the responsibility for running her own life til she was kicked out of our house at the age of 18. I don't like a lot of the choices she made but she does run her own life now and she showed she was capable of a lot more than I thought she was. Since your boys are not doing well in school anyway I would not be driving them--they should be totally responsible for getting up and getting to school. If they don't they face the consequences. For Heaven's sake, why can't you be able to do something for yourself every morning--they are not small children who need to have you there every moment. And this is not a good example to set for them--they sound like they feel very entitled. That is not healthy for them or for you. I think you are going to have to get tough and stand up and be the mom. You will lots of help and support for that here! :) Others will be along soon! Best of luck to you! Jane [/QUOTE]
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Can't tell when to help and when to step back!
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