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Substance Abuse
Can't tell when to help and when to step back!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 270217" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. Sorry you're suffering. Been there/done that, but I want to set you straight. You do not have children. They aren't ten. They are young adults and you most certainly SHOULD live your life. Just because they are choosing to be irresponsible doesn't mean you have to cater to them.</p><p></p><p>Tell ya right off the bat, in my opinion you should make these two almost men grow up and do things themselves. My daughter did drugs. You have no idea if your boys are just smoking weed or more involved in worse drugs. Your NP is right. Nothing works when they're doing drugs or drinking. In fact, ADHD drugs are very abused--my daughter abused them. THey are crushed in pillcrushes and snorted either alone or mixed with other drugs from cocaine to some OTC stuff.</p><p></p><p>My daughter had to ride her bike to school or walk. If she didn't go, she dealt with the cops. I give her credit: We cut off all her money (and I think you need to stop supporting the boys too except for essential food and necessities). She got a job, even while using drugs and she quit--and to this day she has a very good work ethic! I think you are making it very easy for your boys to do nothing but do drugs and goof off. I made it as hard as possible for my daughter. At eighteen, when she refused to get help for drugs, we made her leave, and that's when she quit. </p><p></p><p>Nothing good comes of doing everything for seventeen year old boys who don't do anything for themselves. What are you going to do when they are eighteen and still asking you to drive them around? I hope you don't allow them to get driver's licenses, unless they pay for it and their gas and insurance, while they are using drugs. My daughter got her license and paid for her own insurance and had to buy her own car. She cracked it up, and she then had to walk until after she was eighteen and after she moved out and quit using drugs. It didn't hurt her. It helped her. If you asked her, she'd say you are making things very easy for your boys and she would probably still be goofing off if we had made it easy for her (we did not). </p><p></p><p>My suggestion is to pull your money and driving. They have to be allowed to fail or they will never succeed. My daughter is in college now and she and her boyfriend just closed on their first home today. She even quit smoking cigarettes (which, by the way, we never allowed her to do in our house). We also used to check her room on a routine basis. When using drugs, I would not allow the boys to have privicy.</p><p></p><p>I digress: If you are paying for cell phones, stop. If they buy them nice clothes, they can work and buy clothes at resale shops or garage sales or Walmart. I have no idea what you mean by spoiling the boys, but it hasn't worked and if YOU don't change, THEY won't change. They have no incentive to change.</p><p></p><p>Maybe you need to go to some Narc-Anon meetings. I am guessing that they are probably more involved with drugs than you think. All parents are told "I just smoke weed" and most parents want to believe that. But if kids are getting into legal trouble and failing school it is most likely more than that. Not that weed is good, just that it usually isn't just weed if things are that bad. One kid was already abusing Ativan. Assume he is probably abusing other drugs too.</p><p></p><p>I think Narc-Anon is a good place to start. You have to learn to be strong to do what is right for the boys.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 270217, member: 1550"] Hi there. Sorry you're suffering. Been there/done that, but I want to set you straight. You do not have children. They aren't ten. They are young adults and you most certainly SHOULD live your life. Just because they are choosing to be irresponsible doesn't mean you have to cater to them. Tell ya right off the bat, in my opinion you should make these two almost men grow up and do things themselves. My daughter did drugs. You have no idea if your boys are just smoking weed or more involved in worse drugs. Your NP is right. Nothing works when they're doing drugs or drinking. In fact, ADHD drugs are very abused--my daughter abused them. THey are crushed in pillcrushes and snorted either alone or mixed with other drugs from cocaine to some OTC stuff. My daughter had to ride her bike to school or walk. If she didn't go, she dealt with the cops. I give her credit: We cut off all her money (and I think you need to stop supporting the boys too except for essential food and necessities). She got a job, even while using drugs and she quit--and to this day she has a very good work ethic! I think you are making it very easy for your boys to do nothing but do drugs and goof off. I made it as hard as possible for my daughter. At eighteen, when she refused to get help for drugs, we made her leave, and that's when she quit. Nothing good comes of doing everything for seventeen year old boys who don't do anything for themselves. What are you going to do when they are eighteen and still asking you to drive them around? I hope you don't allow them to get driver's licenses, unless they pay for it and their gas and insurance, while they are using drugs. My daughter got her license and paid for her own insurance and had to buy her own car. She cracked it up, and she then had to walk until after she was eighteen and after she moved out and quit using drugs. It didn't hurt her. It helped her. If you asked her, she'd say you are making things very easy for your boys and she would probably still be goofing off if we had made it easy for her (we did not). My suggestion is to pull your money and driving. They have to be allowed to fail or they will never succeed. My daughter is in college now and she and her boyfriend just closed on their first home today. She even quit smoking cigarettes (which, by the way, we never allowed her to do in our house). We also used to check her room on a routine basis. When using drugs, I would not allow the boys to have privicy. I digress: If you are paying for cell phones, stop. If they buy them nice clothes, they can work and buy clothes at resale shops or garage sales or Walmart. I have no idea what you mean by spoiling the boys, but it hasn't worked and if YOU don't change, THEY won't change. They have no incentive to change. Maybe you need to go to some Narc-Anon meetings. I am guessing that they are probably more involved with drugs than you think. All parents are told "I just smoke weed" and most parents want to believe that. But if kids are getting into legal trouble and failing school it is most likely more than that. Not that weed is good, just that it usually isn't just weed if things are that bad. One kid was already abusing Ativan. Assume he is probably abusing other drugs too. I think Narc-Anon is a good place to start. You have to learn to be strong to do what is right for the boys. [/QUOTE]
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