can't we have one day with out drama??

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ksm, Sep 25, 2011.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    We had a group meal after church - everyone was very full. Went to play practice. Came home, husband and I started painting the family room. difficult child and little sis sit and watched a movie while we worked. Moaned and groaned when I had them pause it during commercials (two times) and put their room back in order. difficult child had pulled her mattress off the bed frame and had it on the floor all weekend.

    After we got done painting she announced that she was hungry, what was I fixing? I said it would be left overs... BBQ meatballs, mashed potatoes, corn. Of course she didn't want it. Told her she could make mac and cheese... "we have that all the time!" I reminded her we have had it once in two weeks. She announces she wants to go to Wendy's for supper. Told her we were tired from painting all afternoon, and no Wendy's. She wanted to walk to Wendy's with out us. No Wendy's. Offered hot dogs, ramen noodle soup, baked potato in the microwave. Grilled cheese, egg sandwiches. cans of soup. Ham sandwich. No, she would starve because I didn't cook a meal. I told her no one had ever starved from missing one meal.

    Little sis decided on mac and cheese and she made most of it by herself. difficult child decides she wants to cook egg noodles... and then put velveeta on top. Duhhh... how different is that from mac and cheese? Let her make it - she cooked the noodles too long. they were mushy. I had asked her several times about how long she was cooking them, but she said she had tested them and they weren't done.

    Can't we have one day of no drama??? I work part time and I cook decent meals practically every night. This week we had poppy seed chicken casserole, BBQ meatballs and mashed potatoes, chicken enchiladas, potato soup, tacos/burritos. What is wrong with left overs once in a while? She has such a one track mind that she can't let go and gets rude and obnoxious. As she ate her egg noodles with velveeta, she kept going on and on to little sis about how much better hers was than mac and cheese. Really.

    So glad that tomorrow is Monday... and she will be at school. I am starting to hate weekends. KSM
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    OMW! When did my girls move to your house??????? Seriously i have almost the same exact discussions at my house. They don't bug me too much because I've been practicing not engaging them for......Oh......6 years or so. They still try (it's been getting less and less recently) but since I"m not "playing" the game with them, it doesn't bother me as much.

    You want to go get fast food? Sure! Go ahead! Fortunately my girls never have enough money so they cannot accomplish this, but they have my *blessing*. Oh, you don't like what I'm making? (I only make food they like) Well, then don't eat. No desert until you eat dinner though. And we have plenty of nights that I call "free for all" where they cook for themselves and can choose anything they want as long as it requires minimal help from me. Sometimes the older two end up making mac and cheese for all three of them. Other times it's each one for themselves.

    You know there is food, you know she won't starve, don't let her suck you into the drama. It takes practice, but once you get the hang of it, it get easier. Once you master disengaging on food issues, it makes it easier to disengage on other issues.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Given that this sequence would be too much for ME... and way, way, way too much for difficult child in our house...

    Is this level of busy-ness "normal" at your house? If so, there may be a link between the level of busy-ness and the level of "drama".

    We had to reduce our lifestyle to the level that fit for difficult child. That meant dropping many activities, only doing others on days when nothing else was going on. Required major sacrifices to social life. BUT... major improvements in difficult child.

    Maybe your difficult child had already burned up her "resources" and was beyond coping?

    Just a thought... only because it worked for us. You know your own situation better.
  4. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Now that I think about it, she seems worse when it is a do nothing day. She is always "bored". Dreams up wild things she wants to do and then gets mad when I put on the brakes. Like, can we go ice skating (70 miles away)?? Can we go out to eat where they cook the food in front of you?? (No, In two weeks I have surgery and can't work for 3 months) Can we sleep in a tent in the back yard, I have this little lock I can put on the zipper? etc. Most of oour drama comes from the word NO. or even NOT NOW. You would think by now that she knows that when husband and I say NO we mean no. We try not to say NO too often, and offer an alternated. Like, no, you can't sleep in the tent but you can stay in it til 11pm, we will start a fire in the fire pit and you can make s'mores.

    Having to do homework is a drama situation. One month, and she has two D's and one C-. Mainly all the work that she hands in is A's and B's - but the ones that never get back to the teacher brings grades way down.

    Well, 20 more minutes of peace and quiet, then time to wake them up. Last night was the night we upped the Seroquel XR from 50 to 100. Not sure if she will be even more groggy than she has been. Oh, on a funny note, she said she was glad she was going up to two pills, as the ARNP said they would not be as "seducing" as one pill. Reminded her it was "sedating - not seducing". KSM
  5. keista

    keista New Member

    Seriously, when did DD1 move in with you? That is exactly what she does. I call it chronic boredom. She's just gotta do something new, different and exciting!

    Lately, I've been telling ppl that if I *could* overschedule her that I would. I often wish I was an 'A type' that could have her in 4 clubs, six activities and have a non-stop social schedule. I think she's doing wll so far this school year because she has strings, chorus, color guard, future problem solvers, therapy, friends close by, and we are looking forward to adding ice skating and guitar or Karate lessons. It's her busiest schedule so far.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Ah. Yes. The fine act of balancing.
    We had to come up with all sorts of structure to handle Saturdays and holidays. But you have to know the kid... interests, abilities, etc. Not all of it has to be "outside" activities - sports etc. But they need a PLAN and structure, for every single day. And yes it takes piles of time and effort to come up with this stuff, and stay ahead of them.

    At least you've got a week to prepare for the next one!