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Caretaker Fatigue?
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 361931" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Tawnya, </p><p>is your grandmother lucid enough that you can tell her that you need a break, and will hire someone to drive her to see her husband? There are community svcs that provide rides, and some are free.</p><p>Is mother in law a danger to herself or her husband? Does she leave things burning on the stove, etc? I know how worrisome that is. I'm wondering if you can skip taking care of them or thinking about them a few days a wk.</p><p>I'm just trying to pare down the list ...</p><p>I know exactly how you feel.</p><p>My dad has Alzheimers and lives in another state. My little sister is his main caregiver, and even though he is in assisted living and has hired nurses and caregivers, she still goes over there almost every day because some of the caregivers are not effective, and can't get Dad out of bed. When you're dealing with-someone like that, you have to think on your feet and outsmart them, use a lot of humor, etc. to get them to do what you want. (Like get out of bed!) One thing she does is tell him he is meeting a friend for lunch. He will hop out of bed, she will help him dress, they go downstairs, and by the time they are downstairs, he is in a good mood but can't remember why he's there. Then she makes sure he eats (either with-her or someone else).</p><p>I flew up a cpl mo's ago when she was out of town, and I will fly up again this mo, because she is having surgery.</p><p>I am also caring for my cousin, who is 82 and in major league denial about ever living on her own again. We are in counseling (it's mostly her ... I'm not sure if I'm sitting there so the therapist doesn't have to repeat herself or what ... you really have to repeat yourself with-my cousin and it drives you nuts). Then I go pick up difficult child at school and all h*ll breaks loose.</p><p> </p><p>All that is to say, I HEAR YOU!!!</p><p> </p><p>I know what you mean about people firing the people you hire. My cousin did that a lot. I hired a svc to come to her apt last winter, and the manager and I decided to just assume she would fire the first 3 people. In fact, she only disliked 2, and it took her an entire month to tell us! But it's always best to be prepared. </p><p> </p><p>If your uncle has POA, why are you writing checks for your dad? Your uncle needs to put his money where his mouth is. Or something like that, LOL! Yes, that is time consuming ... I do it for my cousin, too. Good thing she doesn't need a good credit rating because most everything I do for her is late ... <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 361931, member: 3419"] Tawnya, is your grandmother lucid enough that you can tell her that you need a break, and will hire someone to drive her to see her husband? There are community svcs that provide rides, and some are free. Is mother in law a danger to herself or her husband? Does she leave things burning on the stove, etc? I know how worrisome that is. I'm wondering if you can skip taking care of them or thinking about them a few days a wk. I'm just trying to pare down the list ... I know exactly how you feel. My dad has Alzheimers and lives in another state. My little sister is his main caregiver, and even though he is in assisted living and has hired nurses and caregivers, she still goes over there almost every day because some of the caregivers are not effective, and can't get Dad out of bed. When you're dealing with-someone like that, you have to think on your feet and outsmart them, use a lot of humor, etc. to get them to do what you want. (Like get out of bed!) One thing she does is tell him he is meeting a friend for lunch. He will hop out of bed, she will help him dress, they go downstairs, and by the time they are downstairs, he is in a good mood but can't remember why he's there. Then she makes sure he eats (either with-her or someone else). I flew up a cpl mo's ago when she was out of town, and I will fly up again this mo, because she is having surgery. I am also caring for my cousin, who is 82 and in major league denial about ever living on her own again. We are in counseling (it's mostly her ... I'm not sure if I'm sitting there so the therapist doesn't have to repeat herself or what ... you really have to repeat yourself with-my cousin and it drives you nuts). Then I go pick up difficult child at school and all h*ll breaks loose. All that is to say, I HEAR YOU!!! I know what you mean about people firing the people you hire. My cousin did that a lot. I hired a svc to come to her apt last winter, and the manager and I decided to just assume she would fire the first 3 people. In fact, she only disliked 2, and it took her an entire month to tell us! But it's always best to be prepared. If your uncle has POA, why are you writing checks for your dad? Your uncle needs to put his money where his mouth is. Or something like that, LOL! Yes, that is time consuming ... I do it for my cousin, too. Good thing she doesn't need a good credit rating because most everything I do for her is late ... :winking: [/QUOTE]
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