Case management meeting Wednesday morning...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by ksm, Jun 7, 2016.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    and I am pretty sure that the powers that be will say Difficult Child no longer needs services and will lose her medical card which is secondary to our BCBS insurance.

    They based her eligibility on her actions last fall, when she got very drunk and we had to take to ER, then the next month took a handful of pills. Since she hasn't repeated those actions, and hasn't threatened to do those things, they feel she is no longer needing services.

    But she isnt doing anything constructive either. Her hours at work are going down, where she works as a hostess at a restaurant. I would guess it's because shortly after getting the job she would rush off to work with messy hair and no make up and wrinkled clothes. I tried to coach her and tell her they gave her the job based a lot on what they saw when she applied.

    Her phone broke, she could get a free phone from the plan I have her on, but she wants a better phone and more data. I helped her apply for a flip phone for those with state insurance...500 minutes/500 texts.

    She keeps saying she is going to apply for a CNA job, but never follows thru. She promised the psychologist (after dropping her) that she would find someone locally and notify her of who she was seeing.

    She has run out of money from her job, and the three SS checks we started her out with. I loaned her $10 so she would have enough to get to work til payday. She has been asking for food to take to my sons, where she moved in.

    Just tired of seeing a train wreck on the horizon, but the professionals won't see it at all. She will tell them how wonderful it all is. least the house is quieter... KSM
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  2. Ironbutterfly

    Ironbutterfly Active Member

    Ahhh yes, the quiet, it's wonderful isn't it. But she is working. Yes, needs more attention to attire and handling of money. If her hours are getting cut, she should get a 2nd job. I know, you can suggest, but will they listen. Sigh....
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    One day, if she is that sick, she will implode and probably get her benefits back. I am so sorry.
  4. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I am just wondering if she will show up for case plan at 10am. I reminded her on Monday. Then yesterday I texted her case mgr and told her about the broken phone and gave her the number of my phone, that I am letting Difficult Child use. Found out she missed her weekly meeting with the case manager that was on Monday. I am wondering if case mgr will call and remind her today.

    It might be rather controlling of me NOT to call her and wake her up this morning...but hey, she's an adult, they think she is pretty I am withdrawing from the job.

    The case mgr said maybe Difficult Child would be moved to the adult services side and receive more life skills coaching. I can hope. I asked Difficult Child if she had ever applied for food stamps. Nope. I asked case mgr about food stamps, and she had talked to her about it. Yesterday she got paid for 2 weeks, $177. She needs to save $40 for car insurance, repay me $10, repay her dad $60 for a new tire, and buy gas for her car for two weeks, and some food. There is some food at her dads house...but she can't eat the lunch meat because it is peppered turkey from the deli, and she only likes honey ham. Sigh...

    How would she survive without if she had to pay rent and utilities?

    She did stop by yesterday and used the computer to fill out one application...she has ignored all my offers to sign up for college classes that s fall.

  5. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I was right, they are closing her case management plan. Difficult Child thinks she is doing great. Her only complaint is that she needs a second job as her hostess job has cut her hours back to 15 hours a week. She has no clue why. Hmmm...rushes to work with messy hair, no make up, wearing the same black shirt (required color) that she just left in the vehicle after crashing at a friends for the night.

    She was offered adult services, job support, etc... But she turned them down. They tried to tell her how to apply for food stamps. Encouraged her to finish her FASFA application for community college...when she has time she will, she said. Hello... 15 hours a week!!

    They did postpone turning in the paperwork until the end of this month, so she will keep her medical card for one more month.

    Just sad. I knew this was going to happen. KSM
  6. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    ksm, I'm so sorry. She just isn't ready. As much as we WANT so much to help them be ready, get ready, we cannot make that happen. The fact that she is working, even though it's not like we would do it, is a plus. It sounds like she has the capability for much but not the maturity right now. That is so standard, I have found, with DCs. My son took forever to start to get it, and he will be playing catch up for a long time. He will be 27 in July and it's just in the past two years that things have really started to improve consistently.

    I know that doesn't help much for you right now. This minute. Learning how to accept what is, stand back from it all as much as you can, lower your expectations to nearly zero and let go of it all (1000 times a day) is the pathway to peace. You need peace. You deserve peace.

    I pray that she does more right things everyday for herself...and for you. Warm hugs.
  7. Ironbutterfly

    Ironbutterfly Active Member

    I'm sorry, I know you were hoping for more for her. But alas, you pointed in her right direction, suggested and she has chosen to take her own path. She was offered tools to get better job, another job, food stamps, college. Naw, she "doesn't want" any of it.

    You have to let her go and learn from her own decisions. It's hard, but in due time, she may "get it" and change course.
  8. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    Is she not 18 why would she need makeup anyway even for a hostess job. The rest matter I guess.
  9. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Sometimes doing your make up also means washing all of it off your face...a blank canvas is better than a messy canvas. She literally had the he previous day's make up still on... And she is 18 now. When she applied for the job, she had tastefully applied make up, styled hair and clean atteactive clothing... KSM
  10. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Been there, done that.

    Very hard to see this part of what the kids do to themselves. A little success has proven to be a good thing. We wish they would take it further, and climb out of the hole they've fallen into. It's like they don't hear us.

    Well, it seems she is not listening to anyone else, either.

    How frustrating.