Catch 22...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Nov 8, 2007.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    First day of new quarter. difficult child seems to be in quite a pickle.
    He is very sensitive when people say things to/about him.
    He has a cool off pass he is to use BEFORE he has an outburst. he is to use his pass, leave the class to cool off.
    New seating arrangements today. he goes to sit down and the girl next to him says, "ewwww...I'm not sitting my you" and proceeds to say things about him. So, he leaves and goes to see the principal. (as instructed) She calls me at work and says he won't go to class. She tells me he refuses to sit where the teacher has assigned him. Gives him the phone. he is still upset, so quite loud. He explains what the other student was doing and says he can't sit there he will get in trouble.
    (he often complains that everyone talks, but HE gets singled out. Teachers admit they allow talking at times, but only identify HIS voice)

    Ok. I tell difficult child he needs to go to class. He tells me that he will get angry and in trouble if he has to sit next to this student.

    Principal wants to know what to do???? She said he needs to sit in the assigned place.

    OK. I understand he needs to sit where he is assigned. He should not be allowed to pick his seat (which would be by his friends) That could cause disruptions due to talking. But, on the otherhand he is doing what he is instructed to do. On a third hand/foot...difficult child would certainly be talked to/punished if HE were to talk mean/negative to anyone, but as usual others don't seem to be seen/heard.
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    I think that the snotty girl should get a detention!! What a little twit.

    What if SHE had to move...? After all, she was the one who started it.
  3. I'm going crazy!!!

    I'm going crazy!!! New Member

    i understand he can't pick his own seat but the teacher can assign him another seat and i would certainly been sure to tell him how proud i was of him following the rules and understanding his own limitations heck he's not even mine and my eyes are full proud of tears and my chest feels all swollen he's sounds like a fine young man :bravo:
  4. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    I would ask the teacher and/or principal to assign him another seat. I would approach it by saying something like, "difficult child is known to be anxious and having a hard time coping at school. No one would like to sit next to someone who openly says mean things to them. I know difficult child needs to learn to cope with such things and is overly sensitive but right now, we are struggling to be able to stay in class without being too talkative. Why add another struggle for him which will get in the way of his learning?"

    I may not have all of the details right in your case but I would definitely ask them to change the seats. Hopefully, they would speak to the girl but I wouldn't really care if they did. Maybe he could agree to sit there a few days and then be moved. It wouldn't be good if any of the students thought they could just complain about someone and then not have to sit with them.
  5. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    I agree with BBK. You should ask to have the girl moved. He can sit where he was assigned and she can be moved somewhere else for her unkind comment.
  6. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I don't think he should be punished. The girl should be made an example of. After all, the schools are supposed to be teaching tolerance and all, right? He did the right thing. Good for him.
  7. bby31288

    bby31288 Active Member

    What the girl did is a form of bullying. She should have been made to apologize, and keep her trap shut! I am pi**ed at the school for not handling that well. Good job BBK, she is a twit. I can tell you if that was one of my daughters difficult child or not and I heard that story, I would demand they apologize in front of the class and keep their trap shut!

    Well sorry for the rant, I wasn't much help!
  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I'm with the others. He did a good thing and should have this positively reinforced. He certainly should not be put straight back into the situation from which he so sensibly removed himself.

    Why are we all so thoroughly in agreement, and the school (supposedly trained professionals) cannot see what to do?

    In what cereal box did they get their qualifications?

  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    First off, take the kid out for ice cream!!! He did what he was supposed to and it was HARD because the school was not supportive!!

    Second, is there a bullying policy? What the girl said is BULLYING. It should NOT be allowed at school. Have your son ask to file a bully report or whatever the policy is on bullying.

    I see sitting next to this horrid girl as a punishment that he has NOT earned. Even if he has to sit separately, he should be able to get AWAY from this child.

    Goooo!! difficult child!!!!!!! Good Job!!!!

    I really think if you can approach it as bullying you might get somewhere. Most schools are really working on this with the kids. Even if you have to call the counselor, give it a shot.


  10. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Just had to let you know what happened. Or, maybe to smile on how difficult child handled this.

    The next day he went to class and spoke to the teacher. He told her he would like to "TRY TO MAKE IT WORK, without having to move". (big smile here)

    Now if he would just DO his WORK. Ok..I must appreciate one thing at a time.
  11. LitlPixy

    LitlPixy New Member

    I've gone through similar things with my difficult child. The "other" child seems never to be punished. Only difficult child is seen or heard committing the offense even when there are other children involved. I've explained to difficult child that even though she did the right thing, and followed the guidelines that were established for her, unfortunately this sometimes happens in life. Once you make yourself "known" to cause noise or trouble unfortunately you'll be the one looked at first for the rest of the school year, etc.

    I've been known to praise her for her actions while cautioning her about being "known" in front of school staff - while they look on sheepishly. Nothing ever changes though...

    That young lady should have been given detention or some other means of punishment for calling names, etc. It is bullying. They need to nip that little flower in the bud!
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Proud of hte way difficult child handled things. Hugs to all of you.

    pd, in the future he should be able to refer things like this to whomever deals with bullying. In our school the young lady would get sent to the Responsible Thinking Classroom to try to see how she could handle it better. 2nd offense is in school suspension and is a BIG deal. It is because we tolerate no bully, ESPECIALLY of hte difficult kids.

    I have seen the teacher step in and do the report themselves for the gfgtype kids when the others were bullying them, even in subtle ways. But our school has had a HUGE push on this for hte last 3 years.

    Good luck,

  13. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....

    What a mature statement from difficult child !! Way To Go !! :bravo: I must say...that the school should move the seat...either hers or his...there is no need for him to sit next to someone who is rude and obnoxious..I'm glad he held it together and followed the plan instead of getting angry--
  14. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    Give Alex a huge hug and a high 5 from Auntie Bad Kitty.

    I think he handled it GREAT. :smile: