HopeRemains
New Member
I had decided that seperate housing was in order to protect easy child. Well, husband sort of tip toed around it for a day or so, then he realized that I mean that we would be leaving soon after Christmas and full on opposed us leaving. He called me 10 times from work yesterday morning, either crying or asking to talk to easy child- just to hear his voice. While I think some of this is a tactic for guilting me, I do know that he would be hurting badly if we left. He had pretty much broken me down after the 10th call and I told him he'd better start think of some viable alternative, then. I came up with: we have to move asap to a better location, hidden video cameras, an alarm on difficult child's bedroom door and I still don't want to be alone with him. Oh, yeah, husband is fine with all of this, so he says. He's usually fine with everything until it's actually time to DO something.
difficult child came home from school yesterday and after a bit I told him he needs to go and start reading for his 20 minutes. I know this is a trigger but I can't avoid all of his buttons all of the time, there are just too many. He goes in and reads for 10 minutes... says he's done. I tell him no, he needs to find another book to fill the rest of the time with. He comes out with a children's picture book. It wouldn't take him 10 minutes to read it, but close enough, so I told him that was fine. 10 minutes later he comes out and asks if his time is up. I say yes, but then realize he's only read 5 short short pages in 10 minutes, so tell him he needs to go and finish the book for me. I quiz him over the stories, so he knows he has to actually read them or I make him redo it. He starts jumping up and down whining/yelling, and kicks easy child when he gets too close. I tell him he will be doing a timeout. He refuses, stands in the same spot for 15 minutes, alternating a defiant stance and screaming that he hates us. I got the video camera going.
easy child asked me if I wanted to go play with him in his room. I said yes, to get us out of the living room where difficult child had taken up residence. husband was on his way home at this point. I left the camera rolling. Almost as soon as we were out of the room difficult child grabs my stapler and begins trying to staple his santa hat. He thinks he hears me coming out so he throws it back on the desk and turns to act like he is sweetly playing with the dog. (YEAH, I guess I thought I kept an eye on him and the dog, but wasn't thinking clearly enough to put the dog in her kennel before we left the room...). In the 10 minutes before husband walks in the door, he has called the dog to him just to hit her (multiple times), lured her with a toy only to kick her (multiple times), tried to stab her with a pen as she ran by and growled in her face a few times.
I made husband watch the tape. He said nothing. I asked... "Well? Do you see anything wrong with it?". He says nonchalantly that we need
need to not let him alone with the dog. That's it. Well, we started doing some reading (First time he's ever taken the initative, I think, ever.) online about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). He agreed that difficult child meets most of the criteria except that he doesn't misbehave in school. I began to tell him how great of actors children can be and how I even see him being manipulated (even last night). He started rolling his eyes at me, being offended at everything I said about these types of children.
I told him that I was irked that I had been alone with difficult child today. I told him since the false allegation of abuse last week, I've been forced to be alone with him many evenings after expressly saying I don't want to be put in that position. husband said condescendingly, "Well, are you really afraid for your life for one hour?". I really just wanted to smack him. And I really don't think that staying here with him and this additude is going to happen. It's the same additude that he's had for years, nothing has changed. I never said once that I am afraid for my life, but that I am afraid for easy child and for the false allegations and being targeted by him constantly. That's just his way of dismissing and trying to make me feel foolish. It's true that he made some sort of effort to get home earlier, but SO???? He didn't make it a point to actually sign up difficult child into the afterschool program and actually be there by 6, did he? The jobs he works are important, but he has leniency in both of them. If he needed to be home by a certain time, he could be with no real problem. So why is it that I'm still picking up the slack and he has never even considered that he could make sure to be home by 6? (He usually gets home any time between 6:30 and 8:30`. That's already BEDTIME for difficult child and 4 hours of possible nightmare!) No sincere apologies, only the additude that "duty calls"... This doesn't even cover his last job where he was out of town for a week at a time sometimes...
Sorry, I know the turned into a vent... but it's just the same thing as it's been all these years. He isn't sincere.
difficult child came home from school yesterday and after a bit I told him he needs to go and start reading for his 20 minutes. I know this is a trigger but I can't avoid all of his buttons all of the time, there are just too many. He goes in and reads for 10 minutes... says he's done. I tell him no, he needs to find another book to fill the rest of the time with. He comes out with a children's picture book. It wouldn't take him 10 minutes to read it, but close enough, so I told him that was fine. 10 minutes later he comes out and asks if his time is up. I say yes, but then realize he's only read 5 short short pages in 10 minutes, so tell him he needs to go and finish the book for me. I quiz him over the stories, so he knows he has to actually read them or I make him redo it. He starts jumping up and down whining/yelling, and kicks easy child when he gets too close. I tell him he will be doing a timeout. He refuses, stands in the same spot for 15 minutes, alternating a defiant stance and screaming that he hates us. I got the video camera going.
easy child asked me if I wanted to go play with him in his room. I said yes, to get us out of the living room where difficult child had taken up residence. husband was on his way home at this point. I left the camera rolling. Almost as soon as we were out of the room difficult child grabs my stapler and begins trying to staple his santa hat. He thinks he hears me coming out so he throws it back on the desk and turns to act like he is sweetly playing with the dog. (YEAH, I guess I thought I kept an eye on him and the dog, but wasn't thinking clearly enough to put the dog in her kennel before we left the room...). In the 10 minutes before husband walks in the door, he has called the dog to him just to hit her (multiple times), lured her with a toy only to kick her (multiple times), tried to stab her with a pen as she ran by and growled in her face a few times.
I made husband watch the tape. He said nothing. I asked... "Well? Do you see anything wrong with it?". He says nonchalantly that we need
need to not let him alone with the dog. That's it. Well, we started doing some reading (First time he's ever taken the initative, I think, ever.) online about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). He agreed that difficult child meets most of the criteria except that he doesn't misbehave in school. I began to tell him how great of actors children can be and how I even see him being manipulated (even last night). He started rolling his eyes at me, being offended at everything I said about these types of children.
I told him that I was irked that I had been alone with difficult child today. I told him since the false allegation of abuse last week, I've been forced to be alone with him many evenings after expressly saying I don't want to be put in that position. husband said condescendingly, "Well, are you really afraid for your life for one hour?". I really just wanted to smack him. And I really don't think that staying here with him and this additude is going to happen. It's the same additude that he's had for years, nothing has changed. I never said once that I am afraid for my life, but that I am afraid for easy child and for the false allegations and being targeted by him constantly. That's just his way of dismissing and trying to make me feel foolish. It's true that he made some sort of effort to get home earlier, but SO???? He didn't make it a point to actually sign up difficult child into the afterschool program and actually be there by 6, did he? The jobs he works are important, but he has leniency in both of them. If he needed to be home by a certain time, he could be with no real problem. So why is it that I'm still picking up the slack and he has never even considered that he could make sure to be home by 6? (He usually gets home any time between 6:30 and 8:30`. That's already BEDTIME for difficult child and 4 hours of possible nightmare!) No sincere apologies, only the additude that "duty calls"... This doesn't even cover his last job where he was out of town for a week at a time sometimes...
Sorry, I know the turned into a vent... but it's just the same thing as it's been all these years. He isn't sincere.
