Cautiously optimistic, re: mother in law

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by hearts and roses, Sep 15, 2011.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    mother in law called last night and I happened to be the only one home. We ended up having a fairly lengthy and mostly pleasant, if somewhat stilted, conversation.

    We mostly discussed the plans and arrangements for the memorial service on Saturday, her incoming flight arrival, etc. She asked me for the name of the exit at HER airport that she needed to get off at in order to catch her flight Friday morning...?? I'm worried for her traveling just that short distance alone and wish she'd have someone drive her! I told her she should ask a friend to drive her but she has to leave her home at 6:30AM and doesn't want to inconvenience anyone. Then she asked me how she 'acquires' her boarding pass...oh my. I was going to explain to her about checking in on line, but then thought better of it and just told her to check in at the airport, that when she checks her bags, they will print her ticket. She's flying Southwest, which means she will be in the last group to board. I would have liked her to be one of the first to board. Oy, I hope she makes it okay and doesn't miss her flight!

    At one point in the conversation, she asked me for my social security number. She's kind of sketchy that way, just asks for random personal information. I asked her why she needed it and she just said, "I am adding you to something and I need that for the form" so who the heck knows. I guess I've finally made it to 'family' status, lol. H said she's probably gearing up to change some of her financials and has decided to add me along with him. While she's with us, she and H will be meeting his sister (the family attorney) in NY to meet with their dad's lifetime financial advisor to get his name off the records and rearrange monthly payouts, etc., so H is thinking that's what this is for. I'm guessing she is not planning on stealing my identity, so all is well. And, I don't want to know in a way, it would cause me to think about it too much.

    I've fixed up the spare room (difficult child's old room) very nice for her with new bedding, sheets, comfy pillows, a window fan, etc. It's clean and comfy, cozy. My house is always clean, it just gets the normal wear and tear during the week along with mail clutter. I have class tonight so I won't really have time to do any major cleaning. I already cleared all the junk mail, the kitchen is tidy, I need to change the tablecloth, easy child is cleaning the bathroom for me today, and tomorrow AM I will pass the vacuum fast. That's all I can muster up the strength for at this point. I'm sure it will be fine. After all, we have our kitchen ceiling all torn apart and insulation hanging out, hahaha, from H's construction project. We're a bit cramped as I've lost an entire hall closet as well as some precious shelving. I'm constantly purging and tossing things out, rearranging and organizing, storing, etc. So there's plenty to detract from the usual wear and tear. There's only so much I can do, right? Just don't have the energy to be freaked out.

    So, I'm feeling less stressed about mother in law coming to stay with us. I think I may see a side of her personality emerging since father in law's death that I kind of like. He had a very strong personality and I did notice because of that she seemed a bit stiff and stifled most of the time. I am cautiously optimistic, as my title says. I will still have my guard up because, after all, she's not been the nicest to me for over 15 years (and that's putting it mildly), but I'm willing to give her a chance to redeem herself, lol!!!
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I know money is tight, Jo, but is there anyway family can chip in to pay for a service to pick her up Friday morning and bring her home when she returns to FL? I imagine she's been very stressed and is realizing how much she can depend on you. Don't count on it to last... just enjoy it while it does.
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a step forward, H& least a baby step. That's good. How is she getting to the airport? If she has never traveled alone the experience may be a bit traumatic. Does she know all the rules that are in place now about packing sizes and pat downs? Does she know how far in advance she has to be there?

    I haven't flown since the new regulations took effect and I think I would find it intimidating even with a long history of being a "do it" kind of person. Hopefully she has had some guidance and there is a reliable taxi system where she lives that can be counted on delivering to the right location.

    See?? LOL! That's why I am finally getting grey hair. I am a bit detail paranoid. DDD
  4. keista

    keista New Member

    Yay. It does all sound positive.

    I was also thinking that she might be better off calling a cab. The cost may be equal to or even less than the long term parking.
  5. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I'm glad you aren't stressing too much about her imminent arrival. That's just one thing I've learned to let go of recently because I used to kill myself with anxiety and cleaning when people would come to visit. Usually only about 10% of my work gets noticed. It's just not worth the aggravation for me to try to make my house look like it's NOT the home of difficult children.

    Your mother in law should be sure to allow p-l-e-n-t-y of time to get to the airport and get checked in because of the extra security measures. Tell her to bring a book in the event she's got time to kill, which she probably will.

    I hope she has a safe trip and that her time with you is pleasant and stress-free!
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I really like the idea of having a service pick her up. When we were down there in July, the cost was $60 EACH way. For her to park in the lot at the airport it would be about that. For $120 we would have the security of door to door service for her and no worries. I've contacted H's sister and have her run it by her Mom. I wish I could call H at work today but he's on a roof! Thanks for throwing that out there, don't know why I didn't push it with her on the phone last night, I should have.
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sad to say, lol, you can't think of "everything". I understand your brain. We have alot in common. DDD
  8. MuM_of_OCD_kiddo

    MuM_of_OCD_kiddo New Member

    Also - for the elderly travelers - you used to be able to get help assigned to them when they pick up their tickets/boarding passes at the counter. It's been ages since I flew, but I am sure that most airlines still offer help and transportation for seniors to get from place A to B - especially if it is a large airport....
  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I think H's mother would be very VERY upset with us if we designated her as being "elderly", but what do I know? We used to do that with our mom when she traveled and we even got her a wheelchair so she didn't have to navigate the airport. I don't think mother in law would go for that, although I feel it would be good for her as she is easily confused. At 77 and with all that's happened, I worry about that. A lot.
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    How a person takes it... depends on the person.
    I've got an 80 year old aunt, who is extremely capable except for her hearing, and totally NOT a PITB at all... and she LOVES it when we order up the wheelchair service at the airport... her attitude is? "At my age, I'm going to accept any spoiling that gets offered to me!" Puts a big smile on, makes a little show of tipping her driver...
  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Oh Thank God. I just called mother in law and told her about the car service we were ordering for her and she said her friend will be driving her to the airport and she's ordered herself a rental for her return. What a relief. And I'm glad that she was able to advocate for herself. She mentioned something about The Hartford (Ins) to me and my ss# and email but I didn't catch it all - and when I ask her about it, she is so darned vague. I guess I will see if I get an email from her accountant, what it's all about! So confused.

    Thanks for the input. IC - If someone offered me up a wheelchair service at the airport, I'd be THRILLED! I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to jump on those little golf carts they have at the airport only to have H tell me no. Hahahaha. Well, hopefully, the next time I travel I will have my new knee!
  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm hoping that the experience of doing this independently will help her grow as a person. So many senior wives don't even know how to write a check as their husband's have done all the "man" things for years. My sister in law (who is sharp as a tack and in great health, by the way) made her first trip last year alone. It was exhilirating (sp??) for her. She'll probably be ready for a nap when she gets to your house but I am sending good thoughts her way. And yours, too. DDD
  13. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Thanks for the good thoughts, we will all need them I'm sure.
  14. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    If you are able to arrange someone to meet her and get her about the airport and to her final destination for embarking, perhaps you could explain it is a service for various types of customers: elderly, disabled, single moms with multiple children, and "Solo travelers not accustomed to the layout and procedures at the airport in the new age of increased security". You could, when arranging for her to be me, request they treat it as such, just helping someone new to this process, and whisper in their ear to NOT bring a chair with them. You could go even further and say something like how envious you are that she can get on site concierge type service since airports otherwise can be so frustrating ;).