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Substance Abuse
CD Versus Socio/Psychopath
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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 206699" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>Your difficult child's story sounds very familiar. There are many on this board who are living/have lived these challenges, and there are some happy endings too! I think that the key to getting out of bed is in NOT giving up hope, but at the same time understanding what we can control and what we cannot, what is our responsibility and what rests with someone else. We all love and hope and pray for our difficult children and at the same time have to accept where our sphere of influence begins and ends. We can pray for success and good things in our difficult children' lives, but the choice to make these things happen is not ours. It belongs to our kids. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes the best thing we can do for our kids is to let them experience the natural consequences of their actions. We've loved them, taught them right from wrong, and encouraged them ... then we have to step back and let them make their choices. Our dreams and wishes for them are just that - OURS - but their dreams and wishes may be different. </p><p></p><p>Paradoxically, the best way to help your son is to help yourself. It isn't really a paradox. You need to be healthy, to stay connected with others through work, activities, friendships etc. Interacting with others and taking time for relaxation and enjoyment keeps your perspective. Talking with people on boards like this, or at a support meeting like Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, or Parents Anon gives you objective feedback and encouragement about your situation.</p><p></p><p>Since your son has admitted to using pot, he's probably used or using much more. That's pretty typical. I assume his treatment program is an outpatient rehab? He'll get good information there even if he isn't inclined to use it at this point; you also need to get information and help from a similar group. That's where Nar-Anon etc. comes in. You'll get information about drug use and addiction, about the typical behaviors and progression of events, and about how to help yourself. Please look for a local group and give it a try. I have found it tremendously helpful.</p><p></p><p>The other issue is to make sure you keep yourself physically safe. Does your difficult child threaten you to get money or things to sell? Does he steal from you? Given his history of theft from others, you'll want to think about boundaries at home. Keep your things safe and decide on house rules and consequences. If you feel unsafe in a situation with him, i.e. if he's raging and threatening you or if you catch him stealing from you, call the police and let them deal with it. These are the natural consequences for breaking the law.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you're going through this, and I understand the pain of coming to grips with a situation that probably won't get better soon. Others here understand and have been through this also. I'm glad you're reaching out here and hope you'll find an Al-Anon/Nar-Anon meeting locally for more support. {{hugs}}</p><p></p><p>It would be helpful to other board members if you put together a signature similar to the one below my posts. It lets people know the basics of your situation and family structure at a glance.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 206699, member: 2884"] Your difficult child's story sounds very familiar. There are many on this board who are living/have lived these challenges, and there are some happy endings too! I think that the key to getting out of bed is in NOT giving up hope, but at the same time understanding what we can control and what we cannot, what is our responsibility and what rests with someone else. We all love and hope and pray for our difficult children and at the same time have to accept where our sphere of influence begins and ends. We can pray for success and good things in our difficult children' lives, but the choice to make these things happen is not ours. It belongs to our kids. Sometimes the best thing we can do for our kids is to let them experience the natural consequences of their actions. We've loved them, taught them right from wrong, and encouraged them ... then we have to step back and let them make their choices. Our dreams and wishes for them are just that - OURS - but their dreams and wishes may be different. Paradoxically, the best way to help your son is to help yourself. It isn't really a paradox. You need to be healthy, to stay connected with others through work, activities, friendships etc. Interacting with others and taking time for relaxation and enjoyment keeps your perspective. Talking with people on boards like this, or at a support meeting like Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, or Parents Anon gives you objective feedback and encouragement about your situation. Since your son has admitted to using pot, he's probably used or using much more. That's pretty typical. I assume his treatment program is an outpatient rehab? He'll get good information there even if he isn't inclined to use it at this point; you also need to get information and help from a similar group. That's where Nar-Anon etc. comes in. You'll get information about drug use and addiction, about the typical behaviors and progression of events, and about how to help yourself. Please look for a local group and give it a try. I have found it tremendously helpful. The other issue is to make sure you keep yourself physically safe. Does your difficult child threaten you to get money or things to sell? Does he steal from you? Given his history of theft from others, you'll want to think about boundaries at home. Keep your things safe and decide on house rules and consequences. If you feel unsafe in a situation with him, i.e. if he's raging and threatening you or if you catch him stealing from you, call the police and let them deal with it. These are the natural consequences for breaking the law. I'm sorry you're going through this, and I understand the pain of coming to grips with a situation that probably won't get better soon. Others here understand and have been through this also. I'm glad you're reaching out here and hope you'll find an Al-Anon/Nar-Anon meeting locally for more support. {{hugs}} It would be helpful to other board members if you put together a signature similar to the one below my posts. It lets people know the basics of your situation and family structure at a glance. [/QUOTE]
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