Cedar...more interesting proof of estrangament...a relief actually

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SomewhereOutThere, Apr 12, 2015.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

  2. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member


    I didn't have a chance to read this one, SOT. I believe you are right about putting physical distance between ourselves and our families of origin until we have developed good, strong boundaries.

    I am reading: 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do by Amy Morin.

    It is an interesting way to recognize those habits we have formed that are weakening us.

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Cedar, I decided to delete it, but will give you a small rundown.

    I had an uncle, my grandmother AND mother's Golden Child/Brother who was the one who called me a brat and, as far as I know, never did anything that did not benefit himself his entire life, at least not in his personal life. Perhaps in his professional life, but not amongst his family. I can honestly say he is one relative who I had to see sometimes who I truly never felt love for. I didn't hate him, but the love wasn't there.

    Today I had the urge to look up his obit. It was a dumb thing to do. I'm starting to get over the spying and lying of my sister and brother, but still have my moments. I saw t hat his obit omitted me as being in his obit. It said beloved uncle of X and Y and left me out. At first I just stared, then I burst into laughter. It was true. He was not beloved by me. But I wonder if this is common to keep family you don't like out of obits. Honestly, this didn't upset me, it's made me chuckle. I believe it was probably meant to hurt, but since I didn't read his obit until now , five or so years after his death, it didn't have that effect on me. I doubt it would have if I'd read it right afterward. The truth is, we didn't like each other. I think I saw him a little clearer than others. What else is new?

    Since I have said too much already, I decided to delete it, but since you replied, I thought I'd share.

    This man was despicable to a some of family and an ex-wife. But he was smart book-wise. That seemed to be what made somebody a Golden Child in our sick family...lol.

    And that was all. Thanks for your response. I need to stick with doing those mentally strong things and not do silly stuff like this. I guess I wanted to double check out just how ostracized I was, since I am on a kick about Scapegoating :). And he is the only one whose obit I can still see, since, again, we have a miniscule family tree.

    Cedar, in my case, I am so done with my two members of famly of origin who will be left after my father passes (and I hope it's no time soon) that I will have no contact with them every again. My sister tends to come back. I don't. She comes back. But she this time, no chances. I have not thought much about my brother since he once sent me a therapeutic letter I'm sure prompted by either his therapist or my sister to tell me all the problems he had with me that I never did read. I never did ANYTHING to him, like not invite him to a wedding because he was too ugly so I discarded his letter. Truly, he has been gone for so long, we have had little contact at all for twenty or more years. It was probably how I abused my mom (Golden Child perspective. He wasn't there. He just heard her version). Oh, well. The garbage had it.

    Once Dad is gone, bless him, they will not know if I am alive or dead and I don't want to know that about them either. I wish I had relatives who are more reasonable, like yours our. Not saying yours are NICE, but they will at least speak to you. But mine are beyond yours and I have a good life now and don't want to bring my husband and kids into their crazy worlds. And I don't want to know about their sad worlds either.
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2015