cell phone / text rants

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Nomad, Oct 17, 2016.

  1. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Do you guys get text rants?
    What am I saying, I'm sure you do.
    I even know how to handle them.
    What I do is I tell my daughter if she continues with the rant, I will disconnect her phone for a few days.
    And, fortunately, the rant stops.
    To make a long story short, she called me DEPRESSED because she discovered she can no longer roller blade.
    She is very over weight and has a bad foot. She is near age 30. She's had brain surgery. She is not particularly coordinated. She has asked me for roller blades repeatedly and I've told her it is too dangerous. She borrowed some...huge problem blah blah blah.
    I personally have been struggling with a health concern. Crazy test results, doctor appointments, unsure of treatment, complications. Not life threatening, but definitely very concerning. Might require hospitalization and difficult medications.
    She has not asked me about it.
    So, when she called crying and depressed about her recent realization about problems roller blading (she borrowed some) and not being able to roller blade I said something like "We've discussed roller blades many times. It is inappropriate for you to even consider such a thing under your circumstances. I need to go." She began wailing about her roller blades...I HUNG UP.
    She texted me calling me some VERY VERY mean things...
    After awhile I texted back saying it must stop or I will have her phone disconnected for a period of time.
    It stopped.
    I just think that when one approaches thirty, the realization that they can no longer roller blade should not be earth shattering. Shouldn't be a "thing." And to cry to your mom about it, esp when mom has her own problems is outrageous.
    Husband called and reminded her of my current health situation and how horrible her behavior was.
    She texted a short apology.
    Saw her last night...not a word. Acted like all is fine.
    This too is common.
    Thank you for letting me get t his off my chest.
    I think this is just a bipolar "tHING."
    I think I handled it fairly well.
    Just tired and frustrated.
    Does this stuff happen to you? I'm sure it does. I do see some tiny positives in this bizarre story. I'm glad she stopped (even though I had to threaten to cut off her phone) and I'm glad she apologized.
    But, How do you deal with it emotionally? I am quickly letting it go. But, again tired AND frustrated.
     
  2. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    I don't know...but prayers for your health and patience!!!
     
  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Sorry to hear this but my son only does it when he is using. He did it a month ago (the last time he was messed up) and I had to block him for about 3 weeks until he showed me he was going to behave properly.

    Can you just block her?
     
  4. mcdonna

    mcdonna Active Member

    Nomad, you have just described my daughter! A couple of years ago, I had my and hubby's cell phone #'s changed because she would text rant and phone rant at all hours of the day and night. I will also no longer accept a Facebook friend request from her because she chronically adds/deletes me, depending on how the sun rises. I also got tired of seeing rude comments about myself & husband. Decided it wasn't worth it. If she wants to contact us now, it's on our landline or via email. And can she rant via email!

    I have told our daughter that when she gets really nasty on the phone or email, I will not respond. If we're on the phone, I simply say, "I am not listening to any further abusive talk. I'm going to hang up the phone now. Goodbye." She will then accuse me of hanging up on her. I remind her that I did not hang up on her. I gave the initial warning, told her I was going to hang up and politely said goodbye. Like your daughter, a day or two later when she calls back, it's like nothing happened.

    I find that if I nip the rude/abusive behaviour right away, I don't feel so stressed. She will either stop the behaviour, knowing that I am going to hang up or keep ranting anyway but to a dial tone on the other end! I also won't speak to her when she's full out crying and yelling. I can't understand her then and I know she's not hearing anything I'm saying anyway.

    I would not continue to argue over the roller blades (or whatever other issue she has at the time). I would state my opinion once. If she continued to rant, I would explain that no further abuse will be tolerated. Then tell her you are going to hang up the phone. If she continues to rant, politely say, "Goodbye, "X" and hang up.

    If she is really continuing the behaviour, then by all means, block her or cut off her phone service (especially if you are paying for it).

    It seems like this behaviour is impulsive and habit forming in our children. We need to break the habit.

    It sure is tiring....and frustrating.
     
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  5. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    Hi Nomad. You handled this very well. You are right, it is ridiculous. Our phone is off at 9pm, we have blocked our son many times to protect ourselves from the grief.

    I also say. "I can't listen to this. Talk to you later." I give him a chance to reply but it's usually a sarcastic "oh well, thanks alot" or worse, in an angry tone. I try to hang up before the litany of abuse and while it seems rude to hang up, he has done this to us for many years. In saying I can't listen to this, I know he gets that although he has problems, they are his and way too much stress for me to endure. I'll bet he thinks "wow, Mom is fragile"--no Mom is strong enough not to take it anymore! Prayers.
     
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  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Just because they leave texts doesn't mean we have to listen to them. I like the idea of cutting phone service...they are old enough to get their own. My autistic son has his own cell phone and service through Cricket... $40 month. It's not expensive.

    You still can delete his cell phone abuse once you hear that it's, well, abuse! Nobody makes us listen.
     
  7. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I only perused the texts...certain words sort of stand out and scream out ya! LOL! I have disconnected her cell phone before for several days at a time. She KNOWS if I say I will do it, I will. The threat is real. She is disabled and tries to work a little. In fact, has odd temporary jobs here and there. We live in a rough city and the phone is important for safety. She lives alone. It is her life line. But she comprehends that if she abuses it...it only takes one reminder, she will lose it and even just a few days without is frightening for her.
     
  8. Mamacat

    Mamacat Member

    I'm new to this group, but I'm so grateful for the support I'm finding here. I've recently said no to my daughter and my last text from her was a sarcastic, smarty remark. I'm praying for the strength to handle what's coming next, but I do know that I don't have to listen to her rants. My prayers for you!
     
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