CFT?? Anyone ever had to go through one??

[gwenny]

I have this CFT meeting tomorrow at noon, with the therapist that we are using and the psychiatrist from the hospital. They told me this is for the after care for difficult child to decide what is the best placement for him.

I'm looking for any advise as to what should and will happen at this meeting? I have been told to really emphasize on the fact that we cannot have him live here. No one has really told me what is really entailed at this meeting. So I am turning to all of you for advise on this. Were not sure as to what will be asked of us?? Just nervous about this as I feel horrible stating that I don't want difficult child living here. I feel horrible for difficult child and am willing to stick it out for his sake but not willing to have him in my home.

 

[susiestar]

I haave no idea what a CFT meeting is. What does it stand for, do you know?

PLEASE try not to feel horrible about saying difficult child cannot live with you. It is for safety reasons for you AND your son AND your husband. You have to choose where difficult child can get the most help - and it ISN'T in your home. Many of us have had to make choices about things like this.

It doesn't have to be a permanent out of home placement. It can be just until he is stable and safe enough to have in your home. You are NOT kicking him out of the family. You are finding the best place to get him the help he DESPERATELY needs.

It IS hard. been there done that - cried all night into the t shirt. My oldest currently lives with my parents. He was beating me and I will not be a battered woman. Just won't. Anyway, if he doesn't get all the help he can now, in a few years you won't be able to get help for him easily because he will be 18 and an adult. So placement should be as therapeutic as possible.

Gentle hugs, and let us know how the meeting goes.

 

[DammitJanet]

I agree with Susie. I am not sure what those initials mean but it is probably some sort of meeting of the minds to decide on placement long term. Given what I have read on here about your step-sons needs, I would be adamant that he simply cannot safely live in your home. That is in the best interest of everyone.

I had to stand my ground and refuse to take my son home from an acute psychiatric hospital one time too. They werent happy with me and made all sorts of snide threats but I refused to back down. I wanted longer term care and eyes on him and they finally came around. It certainly wasnt the easiest day of my life (was also my middle son's graduation day!) but it was something that had to be done.

Let us know how this goes and know that we are here for you in spirit.

 

[gwenny]

Ok found out CFT stands for Child and Family team meeting. This is where we are going to discuss where difficult child can be placed. So now this appointment was originally for thursday at 4 than was changed to today at 1 and now we are on for thursday at noon. Urrr hope he don't change again as it's fustrating not knowing what we are going to do. I don't want the hospital to release difficult child and we have no where to put him.

 

[susiestar]

You can always refuse to take him. They may threaten husband with child abandonment, and others here can tell you how to negotiate that thorny path. When I was in the situation of being afraid they would release my son and knowing he was too sick to be home safely, they helped me negotiate things.

My son hadn't shown them his dangerous behaviors yet, and your stepson HAS shown this. You can argue that the prostitution, fire setting, cruelty to biomom and animals means that he is still a major threat to YOU and he cannot be in your home.

whatever you do, go in with a unified front with husband, make darn sure husband KNOWS that if he brings stepson home he will have to stay at a motel with him until an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or long term hospital bed opens up, and then don't agree to anything other than a placement.

Chances are the hospital knows how dangerous he is as he has NOT been well behaved or controlled in the hospital. Here is hoping things go well. And that you and husband can be united on what you intend to do if they release him. Heck, I would be tempted to send him back to biomom. Maybe SHE can get him into a psychiatric hospital. SHE knows more of the problems than you do!

Hugs, sweetie,

 

[Lori4ever]

You are doing the right thing by seeking help. Mine is 19 and has anti social personality. The older they are, the harder it is to help them. i understand, as do the parents on the board. It is really the only way to help him, but I'm sorry it's so painful. You'll be in my thoughts tomorrow.