Chaos returns and possibly difficult child too.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by rejectedmom, Feb 13, 2010.

  1. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    difficult child called at 7am. It seems that he was awakened for a random drug test and he couldn't perform. He is most likely telling the truth he does suffer from "bashful bladder syndrome" and even as a small child couldn't go when he first awoke. It sometimes was hours before he felt the need.

    So because he couldn't go they are assuming that he wouldn't comply and are awaiting the ruling of the head of the shelter as to whether or not they are going to keep him. If not he will have to come here until we can find another place for him.

    Now I'm not nieve, I do know that there is a possibility that difficult child isn't clean although he has no money to spend on it. But I realy think that is a remote possibility at this point. he calls his sponsor every day and has been going to meetings.

    JUst to bee on the safe side, I told husband to pick up a few deadbolts in case difficult child does end up here. That way I could lock the rooms I don't want difficult child in. husband is opposed to the locks because they are to be installed in our antique solid wood doors. He wants to just get new skelton keyed mechanisms for them instead. I told him no way. That type of lock is too easy to pick and I don't want to have to carry a ring full of skelton keys aroud with me all the time. I'm so ticked at husband for even thinking that a door is more important than my peace of mind I could scream. So if husband doesn't install the locks for me, I guess I'll be calling a locksmith on Tuesday after he leaves for work. -RM
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2010
  2. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I've lost track, where is difficult child currently?
    Good for you for understanding the following:
    1. Your need to protect yourself
    2. Your self worth/value
    3. The chances are HIGH that either your difficult child is not being honest or not being totally honest
    4. There is some chance your difficult child is telling the truth, you are open to listening, but recognize that there are concerns
    5. Being willing to take action steps to protect yourself so as not to get hurt emotionally, physically or any way... etc.

    On top of step #5, if your difficult child is to come to your place, could you see to it that it is a temporary situation?

    Wishing you have the strength and wisdom to get through this.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Rm, My heart is breaking for you and difficult child. I kind of think that if you know that he suffers from this condition then it is probably true. I was like that as a child. Couldnt go for heck in the docks office. They could offer any incentive in the world. Run water, wait an hour, have me drink a ton. Nothing would work. My mom would have to take me home and have me go and run the sample back.

    Just think how far that would go for a drug I would probably have to live in a PO's office!

    Maybe they will give him another chance to wee wee. I hope so.
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Maybe you could buy some cheap doors to put up and not scar the antique ones? I'm kind of with your husband on that. Don't ruin the doors. Sacrifice some cheap ones.

    Sorry things are going south.
  5. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Agree with- the others.
    Maybe you could store the doors some place else and get some other ones with- the deadbolt. Hopefully, you can find someone to do the work at a reasonable price....especially since hopefully they will be going back in at some point relatively soon. (hugs).
    You could always compromise...take off the most expensive and nicest. Store someplace SAFE where it wont get hurt and replace it with a regular door with- deadbolt. Use the skeleton key for the others.
    You'll make it work...but really love the idea of using the keys/locks and giving some thought about protecting the doors.
    This is a tad complicated. However, us warrior moms can blast through whatever needs to be blasted through. Protect all your gooood stuff (yourself included).
  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    RM, the hasp-type locks don't work. We installed one on the computer room door years ago and I discovered Rob taking them off the doors in the middle of the night. I think Witz's idea of getting cheap replacement doors is genius. Move your valuables into one or two rooms to reduce the risk, damage, and cost.


  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    A decent cheap door at home depot is about $35.
  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Thank you all for your ideas and support. I really like the idea of replacement doors but am not sure we can get some to fit the openings as they are not standard size. I will look into it though. That is what I love about this site so many ideas offered that we might not think of by ourselves.

    As of yesterday afternoon they were going to let difficult child try again in the evening when another male worker came on duty. I have heard nothing at this point but difficult child is supposed to come over around three today for a spagetti dinner. I'll post later this evening to let you all know what is going on. I did ask difficult child outright if he was using and he said no. He also said that even when he had to do the drug tests for his PO he had difficulty and that she eventually began scheduling him later in the day when it seems easier for him. Hopefully all went well last evening and difficult child both tested clean and will got through to them that he cannot perform in the AM.
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Fingers crossed...
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    For non-standard doors be sure to check the habitat for humanity re-stores where they sell salvages building supplies. Usually they ahve LOTS of doors, even solid wood ones, for cheap and they have all kinds of sizes.

    Hoping he did well on teh later drug test.
  11. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Susiestar, That is a great idea i wouldnot have thought of it.

    So far difficult child is still at the shelter they never did do his drug screen so don't know anything more as to his status on that. I will have to take his word for now. He has been just showing up at my door when the shelter kicks them out for a couple of hours to clean and inspect the areas. difficult child says he has to do chores so that is good at least he isn't getting something for nothing. He says he is going to start trying to get a job this week but I really donot hold our alot of hope inthat department. People are getting laid off alot around here and jobs are scarce even the unskilled ones. -RM