Chapter 3

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by KFld, Oct 24, 2007.

  1. KFld

    KFld New Member

    This is just funny. Somebody told me last night that at the pre-reunion party my ex attended last Friday night, he was drinking and dancing with this one girl all night that he remembered from highschool, and guess what????? They left together. People heard them talking about who's house they were going to go to.

    So I guess he couldn't remain faithful to his flavor of the week very long and is cheating on her already.

    He is a piece of work.

    Guess he must have been drinking voda that night because that's what happens when he does. Did you ever hear that song Tequilla makes her close fall off?? It's a country song and it's all about a girl who does all these crazy things when she drinks tequilla. Well vodka always has the same effect on my ex and that is why I hated when he drank it, but he turned that into me try to control him. :grrr: instead of seeing it for what it was. I couldn't stand him making a you know what out of himself when he drank it.

    And I'm the one with the drinking problem!!! :rofl:

    By the way, niether one of them showed up the next night for the actual reuinon.
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Crikey, Karen, it just doesn't stop, does it?

    Of course they didn't go to the reunion - they had both already got what they came for!

    And husband just said to remind you of the 'drinking problem' in "Flying High" - have you seen it? Next time someone comments on your drinking problem, grab a glass of water, and miss. Then say, "Yep! Looks like I DO have a drinking problem..." (don't do it in cold weather though...)

  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    Please forgive me, while your soon to be ex is really making awful choices - don't you think you're getting a bit obsessed with this?

    I imagine the loss of such a long marriage is painful at best, but isn't this just adding to the pain?

    I guess I just don't understand the daily updates; I'd find them painful.

    Take this from someone who is concerned & not as a criticism.
  4. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! I see your point Linda, but I have to say I tend to handle adverse situations the same way that Karen seems to be.

    When my marriage was in wicked shape last year, I found it to be very cathartic to open up to someone who wouldn't judge me and even him. I was on the fence leaning toward ending it, and it was just easier to laugh when I needed to, cry when I needed to, question when I needed to and even love him out loud when I needed to.

    Believe it or not, it was my BFF L (who is my mother in law - lol) who was that impartial person (even though I think she was on my side :D).

    I see where Karen is coming from. I think the ability to laugh, reinforces the decisions that she's making, and shifts that doubt to the side so that the grief can then "flow".

    It is kinda cool that the way Karen writes these updates are so conversational. You feel like she's bouncing things around out loud to you over a cup of coffee.

    I know I felt better when I knew exactly what was going on in my situation. It validated my feelings and emotions and the actions that I was taking.

    Just my opinion! Absolutely no disrespect intended! :whew:

  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    His enjoyment of the single life will end soon enough.

    What a winner he is!

    I would never want to hear about my BFs new flings if we broke up - but I love him and that makes it different. If I wanted out of the relationship and had no more feelings for him I would be thinking 'sucker!' and 'good luck' with every woman he was with! LOL!
  6. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    divorce is a process. you go thru so much emotion and change. be sure to keep yourself busy with new adventures. I know I repainted and wallpapered my kitchen thru that time, read several books just sitting at the barnes and noble each night.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well I know that I have to admit that I have gotten several years (ok decades) worth of satisfaction knowing that my ex has been a jerk to wives number two and It was even better when wife number two, who kept him hidden from child support for years, called me for help in her divorce proceedings....lmao!

    Ohhhh it was just tooooo rich! I wonder what he thought when my notarized statement was part of her evidence? Giggles.
  8. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I have to drop papers off at the house this afternoon and I have let him know I'm coming by as I have time to waste before I drive up to counseling and will come and get the bills as well. I've been told he's looking for the opportunity to tell me about the girlfriend, so I'm leaving this opportunity for him wide open and he's knows I'm going to counseling afterwards which he believes I am going to need so badly when I hear the news.

    My response to him is going to be this: Yeah it's been around town for almost a week now, but I didn't let on that I knew about it to anyone because you were given the easy way out when I confronted you about your first affair and I wasn't give you the easy way out on this one. Then I'm going to say: poor girl, does she realize this is at least your 3rd relationship in less then 2 months. First me, then Anne Marie, not sure what Christine was, oh and maybe you even went back and found the girl you met in the bar 5 or 6 years ago and who knows how many people in between you needed to satisfy you. Then I'm going to say: As your asking me why I wasn't feeling intimate towards you anymore, instead of concentrating on what people do for each other in relationships, try concentrating on what they don't do to each other and maybe you'll get your answer.

    Then I'm going to walk away.

    I told Jill once he confronts me and I say what I have to say, I don't want to know anything he's doing after that because then I will be ready to move on and start my life.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Just another nail in the coffin, in case you doubted it, Karen.
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911

    How primal - which one has a brow ridge?
  11. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    Just a suggestion.

    Try "That's nice" and walk away.

    I SO know that you want him to hear everything that you have to say. He is not going to hear it. He will hear words coming out of your mouth, but the message will be "I got her".

    If you say "that's nice" and just go, he will be standing there like, "uh, wait! you are supposed to react!" and yet, you didn't. you simply left.

    Try it. For your sake down the line. Remember, he thinks he has done nothing wrong.
  12. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    He does. And drag marks from trailing his knuckles on the ground...
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911

    KAREN - SHE's RIGHT!!!


    I promise you till the day I die, the fact that my x tried to talk to me and I refused on every level (phone, email, letter) once his mom "outed" our whearbouts...

    The fact that I had NO reaction made him NUTS. His Mom would talk about him and I would say "I have a cardinal in my yard" or she would bring him up in pictures and I would turn them face down and say "I have to go to the bathroom".

    I know you THINK you want to tell him what you're thinking....but for the love of yourself DO NOT. It gives him fuel and you're telling him EXACTLY what peeves you off. Saying nothing leaves you mysterious, classy and guarantee will make him walk away going "What was all that about? No reaction, no words?"

    There will be a time and a place to tell him what you think of him and THAT should be in court, in front of a judge with witnesses. IF that's how you go.

    IF NOT and you ever get back with him and repair this marriage - you will be the one that never said anything ugly. Again - a very classy move.


  14. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Whether he hears me or not, this is something I have to do for myself. In the past I would not say these things to him because I didn't have the courage. I need to know I said them and told him exactly how angry I am. I will know I did this whether he hears the words or not.

    This for me is one step forward in what I need to do for me.
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    After listening to advice from all of us, do what YOU feel is right and feel you need to do.

    If you regret it later, forgive yourself and move on.

    Life is too short to feel you NEED to do something and not do it. It is also to short for regrets. That is what forgiveness is for.

    Hugs to you!

  16. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member


    Yeah, Karen!

    Way to be assertive! Do what you want to do!

  17. KFld

    KFld New Member

    There are to many things I regret not doing in my life and I don't want to regret not saying what I need to today. That would be a huge mistake and step backwards for me. I'm always afraid to say things because I don't want to regret what I said, but for now, I'd rather regret what I said then to not have said it at all. I need to start speaking up and standing up for myself. Another point a friend of mine just made to me was instead of me saying to him that he needs to stop concentrating on what you should do for each other in a relationship and concentrate on what you shouldn't do, I should make it more personal by saying instead of concentrating on what you think I should have been doing for you in our relationship, maybe you should start concentrating on everything you have done to me in our relationship and then you'll have the answer to why I wasn't intimate with you anymore.
  18. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    :bravo: :bravo:

    You go girl!

    The only thing I would suggest is to not try to hard to get specific words in there. Go with your heart, soul & mind at the time. I think you can trust them today. You KNOW what needs to be said because it is what you feel.

  19. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I tend to agree with Busy...

    If you feel you need to say it, then say it. If you regret it later, oh well. You can deal with that later too.
  20. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Just got the official word that he is going to tell me today that "he's in a relationsip".

    The showdown begins at approximatley 3:15.

    I'm going to counseling at 5:15. Should be an interesting session. I'm looking forward to it.