Checking In and updating My Friends

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Coookie, Aug 18, 2007.

  1. Coookie

    Coookie Active Member

    Hi All,

    Don't know if many of you remember me but I got on this morning, after a very long absence and read some of the threads and wanted to say Hi and update on what's been going on.

    I am working a lot, good for me... :smile: and husband is doing well.

    difficult child is in Arizona, living with his bio-mom. Things are not going well and of course husband and I "are to blame for his current state of affairs". She is feeding him all kinds of lies, and he is believing them but husband and I are holding on to the hope that as he gets older he will see the truth. After all, he did live with us for 18 years...right????

    He told me I was like a "little animal crawling up his leg".

    We found out that difficult child was molested by his brothers best friend when he was 8. :crying: We filed a police report but because he is an adult that is all we could do. difficult child does not want to pursue it any further. It explains a lot of what we went through with him and we had no idea.. :frown: not even any suspicion.. :frown:

    So my friends, husband and I are still trying to adjust to life without all the drama, except when we get a call or an email from difficult children big brother alerting us to the newest problem and seeking our help.

    Seems difficult child has alienated everyone and his bio-mom is feeding him alcohol so we are waiting for the big explosion and praying that jail is not the final destination for him.

    Peace of mind is very infrequent, only when I'm working and husband is fed up to the max and almost entirely refuses to discuss difficult child.

    We started out with the best hopes and intentions. Do you ever wonder how things could have gone so wrong? I have battled the "What did I do wrong's" frequently. :crazy2: Knowing in my heart I did the best I could.

    Well, as usual I am off to work but I did want to check in and say hi and let you all know what has been happening at the Coookie house.

    I honestly think I am getting to old for this crap. :smile:

    Hugs to you all..
     
  2. judi

    judi Active Member

    Hi Robby - glad you and husband are doing well.
     
  3. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    :salute: So nice to see you again, Cookie! Of course we remember you! Thanks for the update, sorry it's not better news. That's a shocker about 8-yr old difficult child issue.

    <span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'> <span style='font-size: 14pt'> Please Let Go Of That Guilt!</span> </span>

    You didn't abuse difficult child. Someone else did. That's not on you. Put that blame where it belongs. Same thing happened to my son. He was 14 when our neighbor kid abused him, and we found out about it when difficult child was 15, in treatment. We pursued all our options, but neighbor kid denied it and nothing ever happened. The upside is your difficult child is finally facing it, and with time can heal from it.

    Big hugs to you! :flower: Try & pop in when you can, always good to hear from you my friend!

    Peace
     
  4. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Robby, you need to check in more often! We really do miss you. I almost missed this thread, because I don't check PE too often, so you should post in WC or General.

    I'm sorry that things have turned the way they have. I hope you and husband can just get along knowing that you did do the best that you could. YOU DID! Stop beating yourself up and wondering what you could have done differently. It is what it is and you can't go back and change it. You and husband did everything in your powere to provide this boy a good life, the best life possible. Now it's up to him to decide which path he is going to lead.

    He certainly knows the right words to to dig a dagger in your heart, doesn't he? What a wicked little thing to say. I'm sure you and husband are just hurt beyond words, by him. All you can do is just pray for him.

    Sending hugs!
     
  5. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Hello, and thanks for the update....was wondering how it was going with your difficult child in Arizona.....at least there is a good distance between you and difficult child.....

    If he doesn't want to persue the molestation charges that's up to him. Sorry to see bio-mom turning to alcohol as the medication.....that usually doesn't work out.....

    Thinking of you and your family.....
     
  6. skeeter

    skeeter New Member

    hey Coookie, glad to see you sign in.

    You not only did the best you could - you went over and above "the call of duty" in my book. Maybe someday all the pieces will finally fall together and C will "get it".

    Take care of yourself and husband, and know that there is always friends out here in cyberland.
     
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Hey, Stranger! Nice to see you and hear the latest...although I
    had hoped that you and husband were happily spending all your spare
    time chasing each other through the house! :smile:

    Just a few weeks ago a new poster joined the Board. She becamse
    Mommy to her stepson at a young age and now he is imitating your
    difficult child by rejecting her etc. I told her to keep reading on the Board because we had a longtime CD family member who would relate
    exactly to her pain.

    You are greatly missed, my friend. DDD
     
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Robby I have missed you so much! Please dont be such a stranger.

    Im so sorry about C. Being abused at a young age will mess you up. Hopefully he will come to terms with it as he gets a bit older. I also hope it is before he messes up so badly and ends up in jail. That is something I dont wish on any parent.

    Keep checking in with us ok?
     
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Hi Robby!!! :smile: :flower:

    Sorry to hear difficult child is letting bioMom fill his head with junk. I think eventually he'll figure that out on his own.

    As for the abuse, don't let difficult child lay that guilt trip at your feet. That guilt belongs to the person who abused him, period. He might have been only 8 when it happened, but he had ten years to tell you. You're not a mind reader.

    I hope you stop by and check in more often. We sure miss you around here, lady.

    ((((hugs))))
     
  10. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I honestly think I am getting to old for this crap. </div></div>

    You are.

    Me, too.

    It's good to see you, Robby. You are missed :flower: .

    Hugs,
    Suz
     
  11. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Robby! Thanks for the update. I was just thinking about you the other day and wondering how things were going.

    Pop in more often! I miss your sweet posts.

    ~Kathy
     
  12. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    so while he was under your care, he had stellar parenting. he knows it.

    he is learning the alternate.

    he will remember your lessons later.

    meanwhile, take care of you. he will be back.
     
  13. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    :salute:<span style='font-size: 17pt'>... Robby!... </span> :salute:

    I'm so glad you checked in with an update! I've been wondering how things were going with you.

    I'm sorry that you and husband are still being dragged back into the drama ... and I'm not a bit surprised that things aren't working out for him in Arizona. But don't YOU accept even the tiniest little shred of guilt or blame over it! You devoted many years of your life to him. You did everything humanly possible to help this boy, gave him every opportunity, went further and tried harder than most people ever would have - there's nothing more you can do. The rest is up to HIM. He's an adult now and his problems are because of his own bad choices. Maybe someday he will wake up and see this too.

    Please take care and drop back in to see us again soon. It's just not the same without our "Coookie"! We miss you!
     
  14. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I've been wondering about you, Robby. And your difficult child. I'm sorry that it seems to be more of the same. His bio-mom will get her due.

    I think I would his big brother to stop writing and calling about difficult child's antics. There's nothing anyone can do to help difficult child until he faces up to the fact that he needs help. It's painful to you and there's nothing you can do about it except worry. It's not good for your health, and it doesn't help anyone. If big brother is worried and he needs to talk to someone about it, maybe he could seek out help from al-a-non or a friend of his own. But for now, it might be better if he didn't burden you with it. It will make you both stronger if you can tell him that you just don't want to know anymore.

    Please don't be such a stranger! Just because difficult child is out of the house doesn't mean that he's out of your heart. Let us be there for you when you need to talk.
     
  15. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    Coookie,
    You and your husband did a great job with him. All these choices he has made since he graduated high school have been HIS choices.

    He will get tired of living like this, sounds like he is burning his bridges.

    You know I have my fingers crossed that Chad turns his life around. He is capable of it. He did well in the marines till he screwed up.Hopefully he will get sick of screwing things up.

    Check in more often. You give great advice and have experience to share with other people.

    Glad you are working a lot. I know that keeps the mind busy.

    Oh and I see he still has a sharp tongue when it comes to you. "Little animal that is crawling up his leg". He should be so lucky to have you to genuinely care for him. I think he will see it like that one day.
     
  16. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Well, hello Coookie! It's about bloody time that you spoke to all of us again. How dare you go off like that and leave all of us here "all alone" without you!! You can see from the previous messages how much you have been missed. And especially by me, who has met you "in the flesh" and hugged you "in the flesh" and I truly truly miss you. I know, I also don't write very often, but I am on the board at least once a day, and usually twice or more. (I presume you realize that the tone of what I said at first is only in jest, I am THRILLED to see your post.)

    I am so sorry to read that Chad is still giving you a hard time. What a chutzpa to say that to you. The only true word there is "little" which you can't deny! In a way I envy you slightly that he is so far away from you, and I am waiting for the day when my difficult child is similarly physically distant from me.

    I'm happy to read that your work is keeping you busy and is going well.

    I send you lots of love, and a very big hug.

    Love, Esther
     
  17. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I honestly think I am getting to old for this crap. </div></div>
    I am right there with you! I'm too old for ANY crap these days. What a blessing (I hope) that at least you have your husband to go thru these "shi**y" (sorry, kinda) times with. I quit smoking 6 months ago and have been doing very well. Let me tell you that the last couple of weeks are testing my strength and endurance to the max! Cigarettes were such a stress reliever for me. I just keep telling myself, "you are NOT a smoker, you are NOT a smoker" over and over until the urge passes.

    This place has been a Godsend for me in my worst times, I hope you keep in touch when things are good and when they are not so good. Hold your head up high lady!
     
  18. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    So good to see a post from you!


    I see difficult child is still unwilling to be responsible for himself. I would also request his brother not contact you regarding his antics.

    I'm sorry to learn of what happened when he was eight.

    Check in more often!

    (((hugs)))
     
  19. Coookie

    Coookie Active Member

    It was so good to read kind words from you all. Running emotionally is a strange thing isn't it? Guess that is what I have been doing. I have tried a few times to post but the pain of times past, and present just seemed overwhelming. Don't know if you can understand that. :frown: It was like if I stayed away, it would go away.. :frown: Pretty stupid huh? Oh well, maybe I am a slow learner but a learner I am. :smile:

    It is 2:45am right now and I am about to get ready for work. I have taken a job with a Sterling Silver Jewelry Store at the MSP Airport. I am being trained as a Manager. I love it, been there almost 3 months and I meet the most interesting people. When I open the store I have to be there by 5:30am. :smile:

    I've stopped my Mystery Shopping and my part time work at Babie's R Us so I will have more time now.

    I am so sorry I haven't been here for you guys. I'm so sorry I fell into selfishness...sometimes the pain was too great.

    Last time I talked to difficult child, about a month ago, his bio-mom was swearing at me in the background. Dropping the F bomb several times...never found out why for sure but it is probably because of some perceived wrong committed I'm sure. :confused:

    Such a different environment than here. I have had to take all of his pictures down..is that strange? Seems to be pain everywhere. :frown:

    Well my friends, I will check in when I get home and try to catch up as much as I can. I have missed you all terribly. I hope you understand my absence as I am really just beginning too.

    Hugs & love too all...


    p.s. I am still into my HMJ and my Oreo's in the morning. :smile: Somethings never change. :biggrin:
     
  20. TYLERFAN

    TYLERFAN New Member

    Robbie:

    Missed you my friend. :smile:
    I can't tell you how sorry I am about difficult child :hypnosis:
    He will realize the truth....at some point.
    :hammer:
    You are an extrordinary step-mom. You are his mom....remember that! :warrior:

    Blessings and peace,
    Melissa :angel:
     
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