buddy
New Member
I knew I was getting hit hard with PMs but since you guys know about everything with me right now... I might as well overshare...
I got hit with the worst cycle of my life and barely could leave my bed. I was weak and just needed to stay healthy. So I took Q to his horseback riding every day (our therapist has been giving him extra days just to help him get over this. She is worried she sees a big lack of confidence in him. So he has had some of his old volunteers come in and he has had two days of heaven). Other than that, I rested.
Thanks for the love and support from my last post. I am not so worried I need medications at this point. I am pretty good at talking out my feelings and I thank you all for helping with that. But on the months and few days in those months when it is worse I know it will be over in a few days and sure enough I am not as upset .... hormones are a strange thing.
I definitely feel very real situational upset over this though. But I think it is healthy to feel upset about it and ok to cry and be angry. I dont need to medicate that away, I am really tough and am ok feeling my feelings. Not fun for sure...but I know it will pass and I will figure things out. As time goes by and I sort thru the dozens of issues it comes down to this....
I was worried they were setting him up for a fall... and it happened. The tone from the top down has been one of intolerance and burn out. The principal stated that it didn't matter what the IEP said, he was not going to have those kinds of issues in his school and he was going to call me and make life miserable. I had a brand new team member there for the last two meetings and he, with no prior knowledge of the situation said to my advocate (I just found this out)... "by the next meeting this kid is going to be out of this school, they just dont want him here".
They made it a hostile environment and now he got hurt. If he went back he would either be hurt worse or they would push him over the edge and he would be dragged away in cuffs and it is my job to protect him. He will never set foot there again.
I am so tempted to say just let him go to that other school because there is nothing better but I am just not convinced it is the right placement. It would be far worse to have him start somewhere and then change again and again. Even out home psychiatric who thought it was an ok place said that we have to make sure for the LONG run...not just be reactive.
Advocate plans to call the doctor to ask her to state that Q can't go back to that school due to the risk of increasing his anxiey and PTSD. She is doing that because they are officially saying , " we stand ready to serve him starting Tuesday...he is welcome to come back here" That is BS as we all know... It is a hostile environment for him and the psychologist is still being allowed to see him and set him off so he is simply not safe.
I will call a near by district to ask about open enrollment but I dont know what programs they ahve... Advocate says it doesn't matter because they customize (sp ed director has a husband who had a brain injury and still is in recovery, so she lives with it). She said she has NO open cases in that district and the only time she meets with them is when people from our district move there to get away. Very sad indeed.
It is a quite White community though, and I get that advocate doesn't think it is a big issue, but to a kid who is a child of color, it does add a layer to it.
There are several people of color at the SUN program though... I didn't know that till my fourth visit and some are direct providers which was really cool... He needs those role models. It is just that it is the same district and I worry about their attitudes... so quick to touch kids.
It rings in my ears that mr sp ed said .... I have never seen Q act like that.. he was just totally out of control. I asked, did you come in AFTER he was restrained and he said YES. His arms were pulled back and above his head.... I said that is what I told you would happen if anyone touched him, that is why I told you I have been so concerned over the past incidents where this guy confessed to grabbing him....... if he is held he will PANIC and he doesn't even know who you are... he is in pure fight/flight. Add to it that it was not just a hold, they were twisting his wrist and arms behind his back and smashing his head into the floor so of course he was upset and trying to get away. When that person was out...Q was able to totally calm.
we are supposed to be getting the incident report in the mail by Tuesday. We are going to meet and discuss strategy. I told her I would rather not even go. She said that it would be better if I did and then to allow her to shut the meeting down if the principal goes off on a tangent about how awful Q is. I will think about it and see what happens when we get the report. She also wants it in his record that this is a manifestation of his disability even though it is already written in his IEP that it is... just to make sure.
For now, compared to the stress I have felt when he went to school daily, I like having him home and we have had some really good moments so it brings me back to major confusion. I know I can't provide him the diversity in academics he could get in a school but I can provide the therapies and behavior plan. I can help with reading and basic math and so I have to figure out what the bottom line is for me to have him "making progress" without my getting in trouble. As I said, he has not been given access to anything this year anyway and it is not like he is anywhere near grade level. He test well compared to Special Education students but below the first percentile for gen ed. I am sure I can do better than that.
I am just not so sure we can be together that much....
I got hit with the worst cycle of my life and barely could leave my bed. I was weak and just needed to stay healthy. So I took Q to his horseback riding every day (our therapist has been giving him extra days just to help him get over this. She is worried she sees a big lack of confidence in him. So he has had some of his old volunteers come in and he has had two days of heaven). Other than that, I rested.
Thanks for the love and support from my last post. I am not so worried I need medications at this point. I am pretty good at talking out my feelings and I thank you all for helping with that. But on the months and few days in those months when it is worse I know it will be over in a few days and sure enough I am not as upset .... hormones are a strange thing.
I definitely feel very real situational upset over this though. But I think it is healthy to feel upset about it and ok to cry and be angry. I dont need to medicate that away, I am really tough and am ok feeling my feelings. Not fun for sure...but I know it will pass and I will figure things out. As time goes by and I sort thru the dozens of issues it comes down to this....
I was worried they were setting him up for a fall... and it happened. The tone from the top down has been one of intolerance and burn out. The principal stated that it didn't matter what the IEP said, he was not going to have those kinds of issues in his school and he was going to call me and make life miserable. I had a brand new team member there for the last two meetings and he, with no prior knowledge of the situation said to my advocate (I just found this out)... "by the next meeting this kid is going to be out of this school, they just dont want him here".
They made it a hostile environment and now he got hurt. If he went back he would either be hurt worse or they would push him over the edge and he would be dragged away in cuffs and it is my job to protect him. He will never set foot there again.
I am so tempted to say just let him go to that other school because there is nothing better but I am just not convinced it is the right placement. It would be far worse to have him start somewhere and then change again and again. Even out home psychiatric who thought it was an ok place said that we have to make sure for the LONG run...not just be reactive.
Advocate plans to call the doctor to ask her to state that Q can't go back to that school due to the risk of increasing his anxiey and PTSD. She is doing that because they are officially saying , " we stand ready to serve him starting Tuesday...he is welcome to come back here" That is BS as we all know... It is a hostile environment for him and the psychologist is still being allowed to see him and set him off so he is simply not safe.
I will call a near by district to ask about open enrollment but I dont know what programs they ahve... Advocate says it doesn't matter because they customize (sp ed director has a husband who had a brain injury and still is in recovery, so she lives with it). She said she has NO open cases in that district and the only time she meets with them is when people from our district move there to get away. Very sad indeed.
It is a quite White community though, and I get that advocate doesn't think it is a big issue, but to a kid who is a child of color, it does add a layer to it.
There are several people of color at the SUN program though... I didn't know that till my fourth visit and some are direct providers which was really cool... He needs those role models. It is just that it is the same district and I worry about their attitudes... so quick to touch kids.
It rings in my ears that mr sp ed said .... I have never seen Q act like that.. he was just totally out of control. I asked, did you come in AFTER he was restrained and he said YES. His arms were pulled back and above his head.... I said that is what I told you would happen if anyone touched him, that is why I told you I have been so concerned over the past incidents where this guy confessed to grabbing him....... if he is held he will PANIC and he doesn't even know who you are... he is in pure fight/flight. Add to it that it was not just a hold, they were twisting his wrist and arms behind his back and smashing his head into the floor so of course he was upset and trying to get away. When that person was out...Q was able to totally calm.
we are supposed to be getting the incident report in the mail by Tuesday. We are going to meet and discuss strategy. I told her I would rather not even go. She said that it would be better if I did and then to allow her to shut the meeting down if the principal goes off on a tangent about how awful Q is. I will think about it and see what happens when we get the report. She also wants it in his record that this is a manifestation of his disability even though it is already written in his IEP that it is... just to make sure.
For now, compared to the stress I have felt when he went to school daily, I like having him home and we have had some really good moments so it brings me back to major confusion. I know I can't provide him the diversity in academics he could get in a school but I can provide the therapies and behavior plan. I can help with reading and basic math and so I have to figure out what the bottom line is for me to have him "making progress" without my getting in trouble. As I said, he has not been given access to anything this year anyway and it is not like he is anywhere near grade level. He test well compared to Special Education students but below the first percentile for gen ed. I am sure I can do better than that.
I am just not so sure we can be together that much....