Feeling okay now, but it seems every day between about 10AM-2PM I am in a plan old funk. Difficult to feel joy and hope. I am just needing to put some stuff out there, and there's always the chance somebody will come hold my hand again. As far as husband and I know, gfg32 has arrived at his destination by now (He was to fly out today...1500 miles away---no place to stay---ex girlfriend has a restraining order on him). husband and I suspect he will try all sorts of guilt, etc. to get her to let him stay with her a day or two. She told me yesterday she was picking him up at the airport! My brother said that restraining order will be thrown out if she does. Okay, I am to stay in the moment, but I'll just slip this in real fast. gfg32 will get smug and braver and do something else stupid and exgf will get another restraining order and he will land up in jail. He never respects boundaries. I called my brother this afternoon, just for a sounding board. My brother is a judge. About 13 years ago, the first time gfg32 started having trouble with the law (another girlfriend, another restraining order), I mentioned mental illness to my brother. At the time, he sad something like, I think he's just an ****. That is the only time I have heard my brother curse, lol. I kinda wanted to believe that. Now, of course, my brother feels differently. I told my brother about this site and how I had read much about not putting mentally ill out...and I have also read this on the NAMI discussion boards. So, guilt was seeping and starting to settle. My brother assured me that husband and I did the right thing...that there was nothing we could do for gfg32 in that department because gfg32 is still far from admitting he has a problem. He blames, blames, blames. My guess is the guilt ebbs and flows and takes a while to disappear? This is not funny (at all), but husband and I were talking about the only relief we have had in the last 15 years was when gfg32 was incarcerated (horrible experience for us), sponging off my parents (that only lasted a few months) or sponging off the last girlfriend.