Checking in...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by lovemysons, Nov 26, 2012.

  1. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi all,
    Between selling our home and Thanksgiving I have just been too busy to type out my thoughts but I have been periodically checking the board to see how all of you are doing.

    Our house gets put on the market today. They should be putting the sign up in the front yard shortly. I, of course, have been up since "O dark thirty" making sure bathrooms are clean and smelling good...dusting, etc. I need to get my hair/makeup together soon so that I can make a quick getaway if realtor's office calls with a showing.

    Young difficult child comes home next Monday from prison. daughter in law will pick him up with Jordyn, their baby. They plan to stay first night at a hotel. Apparently young difficult child gets 100 dollars when released from Prison and we will also give daughter in law alittle money for gas etc.

    I will have to get young difficult child into his Parole officer's office within 24 hours of his release. Then, I will have to start taking young difficult child to job site where oldest difficult child works. I so hope my son's can get along while working. They really don't like each other much. Oldest Thinks he is SO MUCH BETTER than his brother and young difficult child does not respect oldest at all. SO they are at odd's.

    by the way, Thanksgiving consisted of Oldest difficult child and his oldest daughter, My easy child and her girlfriend, my mother and husband. Thank goodness there were no "issues" really to speak of except that oldest said he would not see us on Christmas with his daughter (s) if young difficult child were here.

    SO that's about it for now. I am a bit anxious about everything, but I will survive.
    Please send out positive vibes that our house sells quickly...Like THIS WEEK!!! lol.
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Lots of good juju
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm hoping you'll get a filthy dirty rich couple who just can't live without your house before Christmas! on the other hand, don't expect too much activity because the holiday season is "usually" slow for the real estate market. My thoughts stay with you and yours. Hugs DDD

    PS: I thought difficult child#2 was going to be working a separate part of husband's business so he wouldn't be near #1.
  4. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    LMS - You seem like you are in a really good place. As always, I am awed by your grace under pressure.

    I am glad you had a lovely Thanksgiving...

    and I wish you peace in the days and weeks ahead.

  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Sending house selling vibes... and hoping young difficult children release goes smoothly, that it feels good to see him, and that he appreciates all that you are doing for him.

  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Wishing you the best luck selling the house. Im so happy difficult child is getting out. Sorry older difficult child is still feeling above it all...sigh.
  7. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good to hear from you, LMS. Good luck selling your house!!

  8. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Thanks Pasajas!!!

    DDD, The plan has changed a few times now regarding where young difficult child will be placed to work. See, Oldest difficult child does the "Cabling" side of the business while husband does the Network side. it stands today, young difficult child will be doing cabling with oldest. Oldest asked husband the other day, "SO why do you think you OWE young difficult child anything?" husband says he does not think that oldest wants young difficult child to succeed :-(
    I think as long as young difficult child stays focused on taking care of his sweet little family that he will be fine. And once oldest see's how hard young difficult child is willing to work and how it will actually benefit/make oldest difficult child more money then it could be a win/win. I so hope so.
    Do you remember years ago when I first got here and the boys were in Drug Rehab for close to 6 months? Well, the councelors told us that the boys had a very co-dependent relationship. They put "Puppet Strings" on young difficult child to show him just how much control he gave to his brother. husband thinks that it was at Drug Rehab that their relationship began to deteriorate. It's very sad, ya know. When they were little, they were best buddies. They were apart for close to 2 months when they were ages 4 and 2 yrs old. I'll never forget getting oldest back from my mother's in Texas. They held onto each other as I went shopping. They were in the cart hugging each other the WHOLE time. They so loved one another then. But as we all know...Drugs Destroy.

    Sig, Smile and giggle. Oh, I have been such a mess all day. LOL I have frantically been picking up lint off the carpet, spot cleaning the wooden stair rails, windexing above light fixtures, and jumping everytime the phone rang. And guess what...Not a single showing on our first day. OMG, I am such a mess, truly I am. I just need so desperately for the house to sell before young difficult child gets home, yikes! Young difficult child is my "Linus". He loves walking around the house with a blanket, he loves to leave a trail wherever he goes, he "forgets" things like no shoes on the carpet, no food or drinks other than the kitchen or breakfast nook will probably be forgotten about many many times before he really gets it! Thank you for wishing me peace...I need to mediate and pray..."in all things give thanks" "be anxious for nothing" etc. I'm trying.

    TL, I do look forward to seeing young difficult child. I look forward to seeing him sober ya know. This will probably be the single longest time that he has been substance free since he was around 13 yrs old.
    daughter in law talks to him on the phone these days because she has a "lan line" I do not. She says she truly believes young difficult child has changed.
    He will likely "honeymoon" for the first 2 weeks. So I don't really expect to get a clear picture for awhile. I don't want drama though...I can't go through it again. My mental/emotional health depends on me keeping it together...or letting husband handle things if it gets rough.
    Thanks for the "house selling vibes".

    Hi buddy, Ya, oldest difficult child "thinks" he is better than the whole family now. He lives in fear too. See, I have mental Illness. Young difficult child is coming out of prison. easy child is gay. And husband...well, he's pretty perfect, lol. Okay he can be a little rough around the edges at times. But ya know...It's just so sad. I think his wifes influence has alot to do with it too though I don't "blame" her entirely. Yes, we are a "colorful family" as my mother puts it, lol. But there is love. And there is alot of goodness and strength. I wish oldest difficult child could see the all of that from us. But his life and that of his daughters is very seperate from ours now. I see him a few times a year now. When I do see him, I still see the beautiful little boy that he once was. I still kiss his face and tell him how much I love him.
    I "know" young understands these things. Young difficult child has a very good heart.
    I thank you again for writing to young difficult child while he was locked up. Every bit of good sent his way is a blessing.

  9. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi Kathy! You snuck in on me, smile.
    I sure have been wondering how your daughter is doing since she has been taking the Abilify now for a month or more, huh? Looking forward to an update from you.
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    My pleasure. Hope he didn't think it too weird lol. I hope he can pick up where he left off in some ways ...I think you were saying he was generally doing much better.
  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hey LMS, wow lots of changes happening all at once. I hope your house sells fast. Where are you moving? I do remember when you first came here and your boys were in rehab and I remember their relationship being difficult at that time. I hope they can work things out so that they can both do well at work.

    You have a lot going on, remember to take care of yourself and maybe hit a meeting or two.

  12. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sending good vibes and caring hugs...............good ju ju for selling the house and above all for peace of mind for you...............
  13. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    No, I don't think my difficult child thought it weird at all. He knows I talk about him here on the Board. And he knows how very much I love him. I am sure he thought your graciousness was an act of kindness prompted by me.
    Now...Unfortunately, his wife, daughter in law thought that perhaps you were one of "those women" lol. I tried to explain to her that you were just a very dear soul reaching out to a fellow parent's child in care. She is young and immature in ways and they have both given reason to feel insecure along the way too.

    We are moving further North of our town. We will be renting instead of owning, sigh. We have incurred alot of debt over the past 5 yrs. We are trying hard to take our equity and pay off some things as well as widdle away at the debt. We are hoping our quality of life will improve.
    Yes, There alot of changes all at once. And I am feeling rather overwhelmed.
    I need to stop projecting. I look into the near future with young difficult child coming home Monday and think...Will he try and kill himself again? Will I have to call police to our home (with a for sale sign out front and the neighbors watching)? Will Young difficult child bring alcohol into our home? Try and hide it in various places like he did before? Will he get angry and break things/put holes in doors or walls?
    All of these questions and more while we go through stressful changes here at home.
    I so hope and pray young difficult child has a changed mind. I told daughter in law yesterday that I thought if Young difficult child can stay focused on caring for his family that he may not get emotionally bent out of shape over the way husband or Oldest difficult child talk to him. husband is not so touchy/feely like me. He states a thing rather bluntly...He is direct and sharply to the point.
    Then we have Oldest difficult child who will say things in an angry tone. Young difficult child is emotionally effected by these things. He may...He may use it as an excuse to start sub abuse again. I don't know.

    Recovering enabler,
    I am trying to remain calm. That is all I can look at the next 2 months of our lives is a bit overwhelming. I have to take it in small chunks...and one day at a time. I do feel that there will be many critical moments...important talks with young difficult child, important decisions that must be made re sale of house, where we move, etc.
    I am so relieved that I have you all to talk to and learn from and share life with.

    Hugs and love,