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Cherub's day at school and beyond
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<blockquote data-quote="Christy" data-source="post: 296731" data-attributes="member: 225"><p>Hi Trish</p><p></p><p>My son took forever to master the toilet (still working on the aim, lol) and was still having accidents in the fourth grade. It was partly his medication, partly the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), and mostly a bad attitude where he wasn't going stop what he was doing for anyone, including his own bladder. I began to wonder if he'd ever grow out of this and I think he finally did.</p><p></p><p>As for deals, rewards, incentives...BEWARE. If you offer an incentive for having a good day at school, and difficult child does not meet the goal, she may see it as something you are denying her rather than something she hasn't earned. It tends to backfire and make you the bad guy. This has been my experience anyway. It infuriated my difficult child when he did not earn a reward yet he took no responsibility for his actions. On the flip side, when he did something well and I praised him, his response became, "what do I get?" I'd respond, "you met the expectations so you have all your priveleges." This upset him at first but eventually it sunk it that he wasn't going to be rewarded for every good deed. I tried the whole, don't you feel good about yourself, proud, etc... but that goes right over his head. </p><p></p><p>I wanted so badly for difficult child to do well in school, worried constantly, lectured, gave pep talks, tried the incentive thing, administered consequences, and after several stressful years, finally realized that there wasn't a darn thing I could do to alter difficult child's behavior at school. I now focus on making a difference where I can. This doesn't stop me from being a warrior mom at ieps, fighting for what I think will most help difficult child, but what happens at school is dealt with at school and I focus on his behaviors at home. In fact, his behavior at home is actually better because we don't start the afternoon with a lecture about what happened in school. I still praise him for the good things I see on his behavior chart and sometimes I do something special because he has done well but I never discuss it in advance. "you've been doing so well lately in school, let's go get an ice cream." "I've been thinking about how well you did this week at school and I saw this at the store today and thought you would like ienjoy it. Thanks for doing such a great job." During rough times, it's really hard to find the positives but play them up even if thery are small.</p><p></p><p>Christy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Christy, post: 296731, member: 225"] Hi Trish My son took forever to master the toilet (still working on the aim, lol) and was still having accidents in the fourth grade. It was partly his medication, partly the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), and mostly a bad attitude where he wasn't going stop what he was doing for anyone, including his own bladder. I began to wonder if he'd ever grow out of this and I think he finally did. As for deals, rewards, incentives...BEWARE. If you offer an incentive for having a good day at school, and difficult child does not meet the goal, she may see it as something you are denying her rather than something she hasn't earned. It tends to backfire and make you the bad guy. This has been my experience anyway. It infuriated my difficult child when he did not earn a reward yet he took no responsibility for his actions. On the flip side, when he did something well and I praised him, his response became, "what do I get?" I'd respond, "you met the expectations so you have all your priveleges." This upset him at first but eventually it sunk it that he wasn't going to be rewarded for every good deed. I tried the whole, don't you feel good about yourself, proud, etc... but that goes right over his head. I wanted so badly for difficult child to do well in school, worried constantly, lectured, gave pep talks, tried the incentive thing, administered consequences, and after several stressful years, finally realized that there wasn't a darn thing I could do to alter difficult child's behavior at school. I now focus on making a difference where I can. This doesn't stop me from being a warrior mom at ieps, fighting for what I think will most help difficult child, but what happens at school is dealt with at school and I focus on his behaviors at home. In fact, his behavior at home is actually better because we don't start the afternoon with a lecture about what happened in school. I still praise him for the good things I see on his behavior chart and sometimes I do something special because he has done well but I never discuss it in advance. "you've been doing so well lately in school, let's go get an ice cream." "I've been thinking about how well you did this week at school and I saw this at the store today and thought you would like ienjoy it. Thanks for doing such a great job." During rough times, it's really hard to find the positives but play them up even if thery are small. Christy [/QUOTE]
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