Child support issue. I don't know what to do!!!

Star*

call 911........call 911
I am afraid I won't get MORE If I drop the case.......

AND IF YOU DO?????? AND four months from now you are sitting here going - GOSH what a dunce I was because I dropped the case and NOW I have NOTHING and NO LEGAL RECOURSE - YOU are GOING TO HAVE WAY BIGGER FEARS AND ABSOLUTELY NO MONEY. NONE, NADA, ZIP ZILCH.

The reason he's telling you and LURING you with the $232 now is to GET YOU TO DROP IT........it's a carrot at the end of a stick dear.

I am one of a very, very few women I know that said at my divorce - "PLEASE give me three things......MY good name back - because his is ****, A lifetime ORDER of protection for myself and my son, and NO childsupprt order." The judge thought it was weird, odd and chastised me for it. I said "REALLY? Well in 13 years of marriage I've worked three jobs, he's worked when he WANTED to. I've taken care of my son, HE did drugs, women, and beat me - I am even paying for the entire divorce and he's no where to be found......why do I want to try to get a pittance, which is ONLY going to take away time from one of MY jobs when he's not going to pay it anyway HE has a son - HE knows that is his responsibilty and he has not paid for him in five years." The judge banged his gavel...then I said "I"ll tell you what......I'll pay THAT BAST##$d $25 a week to STAY away from us." and that really peaved the judge off." soooooooo ......I got everything I asked for. ANd I worked sometimes three jobs. MY X - in sixteen years - sent ONE crumpled up one dollar bill in a letter and told his son it was the best he could do - he was broke and working with a traveling circus - as a monkey no doubt. Then he sent him a rusty bike in a brand new bicycle box - and one of his ballcaps with a note that said "This smells like me - wear it often." -------

You do what you want - but I wouldn't trust your x or anyone else - because if he wanted to do the right thing in the first place? He wouldn't have needed the court to do it in the FIRST FREAKIN place. Now think about that. And he'd be passing you that little EXTRA with or WITHOUT a court order. WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES THAT MAKE ANYWAY - DUH/ Tell him - the court says 100.00 and if he wants to give you $100.00 extra for HIS children? SO be it. If he doesn't want to give it to you? Then tell him to oipen each of them a savings account and send them each their balance receipts every month that way YOU can't touch it - and a trustee can be set up so HE can't either. But THEY can get it when they are 21.

IF he's SOooooooooooooo WORRIED about the money.

I gave that option to my X mother in law for my X - and golly - when my son turned 18 - there wasn't a Dime anywhere for him.
 

skeeter

New Member
Haven't read all the responses.

My income didn't count for husband's support (state of Washington). It was based only on his earning POTENTIAL, not what he was actually getting (he took early retirement, so about half of his pension went to the kids based on his last year of actual salary).

I would NOT drop the support case. Let the state deal with it. You don't want to get caught up in the constant battle for the next however many years.
 

Californiablonde

Well-Known Member
Okay so I gave him the number to call so we can sign the papers and settle it out of court. He texted me back, swearing at me, using the f word, and telling me the whole court system is full of s**t. I have no idea what he is talking about. All we have to do is show up at the office and sign a paper stating the amount we have agreed upon. I don't know what the hell my ex is talking about. It's so darn simple and he's making it so darn complicated.
 

keista

New Member
It sounds almost as if you're talking about my FH (in the process of becoming ex)

I think he's just angry that you want to make the agreement legally binding. :sochildish: Piece of work he is.
 
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TeDo

Guest
My guess, he can sign the paper that binds him to the amount he promised you but THEY will collect it and disperse it to you AND he still has to pay the back support or whatever to the state on top of it. He's trying to get out of paying any back support so "bribing" you with more for you if you don't involve the courts is the ONLY way to avoid it. Let him play by the RULES, you know, the ones everyone else has to play by and he can't change them. Show the text to the lawyers or whoever is helping you with this.
 

Californiablonde

Well-Known Member
So child support called me and says that now he makes way more than me...as in $1600 more a month than I do! I almost fell on the floor when they told me that. Now they're saying he needs to pay me $450 more a month PLUS half of daycare. He is flipping out on me and telling me he's taking the kids away from me in the summer. Told me that since I only have a one bedroom and he has three, that they belong to him anyway. He better prepare for the fight of his life. This is going to get ugly.
 

donna723

Well-Known Member
Don't let him bully you! He's trying to threaten and intimidate you in to accepting less than you're entitled to! And if the Child Support office says he owes you a lot more than he's been paying, HE does!

And children don't automatically "belong" to the parent with the most money and the Child Support office won't look at it like that at all. I think they will realize that if he was paying you what he should be paying, you would probably be able to afford a bigger place! That's what child support is for! He can't just short you on the money and then think he's entitled to the children because he has more money than you do! That's ridiculous!
 

Star*

call 911........call 911
And NOW you know why we all said - KEEP THE COURTS INVOLVED.

HE has had his OWN backup plan all along.

HE KNEW he made 1600 more a month than you did - and that's why mr. indigent could offer to pay a little more.

HE KNEW if you found out the courts would make him pay you $450 more a month - Which by the way COULD get you a larger apartment for YOUR children.

HE KNEW when he made this offer to you that HIS children and you were moving into a smaller place that YOU could afford on your pitiful salary with THREE KIDS and the pathetic child support he is orderd to pay. So maybe ......
HE KNEW he had a case of the guilts? THREE Kids in a one bedroom apartment? WHILE HE SITS IN A NICE THREE BEDROOM HOME? HE SHOULD BE ASHAMED - but he's not. I'd bring that up.

YOU are trying to keep the kids and family together - HE"S ALREADY sent a text stating it's HIS intention OVER MONEY ----BECAUSE OF MONEY - TO TEAR THEM FROM YOU - NOT because --------
1.) HE WANTS THEM TO HAVE A NICE SUMMER
2.) BECAUSE YOU'VE worked HARD ALL YEAR AND COULD USE A BREAK
3.) BECAUSE HE WANTS TO LAVISH THEM WITH FUN THINGS AND A GOOD TIME
4.) WANTS THEM TO GET TO KNOW HIS NEW WIFE -
5.) CAN WELL AFFORD IT -

NOPE - THE FIRST THING OUT OF HIS MOUTH ABOUT THE "KIDS" WELL IF I HAVE TO PAY MORE? I"LL TAKE THEM OUT OF THAT ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT AND FIGHT YOU FOR CUSTODY _ I HAVE A BIGGER PLACE AND THEY"LL COME HERE FOR THE SUMMER. GOSH WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER 305 days OF THE YEAR?

NICE GUY......HIS KIDS SHOULD FEEL VERY LOVED BY THAT STATEMENT.
 

skeeter

New Member
In most states, child support and visitation are two different rulings. Just because he's capable of paying more has absolutely NO ruling on where the kids stay.
 
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TeDo

Guest
Starbie's right. He had an agenda all along and now it's out in the open. Keep every single one of those texts and keep careful documentation of every single phone call and/or "visit" from him including date and time and place and every word he says. If you have to and can manage it, make sure all interactions with him are recorded. The more ammunition the better proof of his intentions and reasons for future court battles. Also be prepared for him to get even nastier. I have a feeling these texts are only the beginning.

Won't it be nice to think about a bigger home for your children?
 

buddy

New Member
Sorry, but what a jerk. Praying the decision is made based on reality and they see right through all this intimidation and game play. You hang tough, you are doing what is right for your kids and he is just being so selfish. Saying he will get his in the end doesn't help the kids and you right now but I do think he will ultimately pay for this kind of stuff. HUGS....lots of them.
 

susiestar

Roll With It
Gee, he makes $19,200 more per year than you do. No wonder he offered you that measly not even $3000 per year to keep this OUt of the courts. I am willing to bet that within just 2-3 mos he would have gone back on that promised extra amount - just about the time you had tried or gotten a larger apartment . it was his plan all along. Document document document - everything!
 

Californiablonde

Well-Known Member
Well we finally came to an agreed amount AND I am keeping the case open! He went down to the child support office on Saturday and signed the necessary paperwork. I go down there on Thursday to sign my part. I am not going after the $450 more a month but I will be getting close to it. I waived the half of day care part because difficult child 1 will be in high school next year and won't need it, and with difficult child 2's recent diagnosis he qualifies to go to the boys and girls' club, which is free. The only daycare I will be paying next year is around $100 a month for difficult child 2 to be watched an hour before school at the onsite daycare center because the boys and girls' club is only open after school. He has not mentioned taking the kids away since Friday, the day before he signed the court documents. I don't know if he will follow through on his intentions. He said on Friday that he wants at least my son to live with him by next school year. He is pulling the father/son card even though he does absolutely NOTHING with/for him. We'll see where he takes this. Hopefully it's all talk. I am exhausted over this fighting. I've had enough.
 
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TeDo

Guest
Legally, in our state anyway, if each parent has 1 child full-time NO ONE pays anyone child support. THAT is his motivation. He really is a manipulative jerk isn't he. Glad the child support stuff is done for now at least. That has to be a relief for you.
 

keista

New Member
Sneaky SOB because what TeDo said is generally right, BUT once your daughter turns 18 he will probably demand support for your son - won't be an even split anymore.

Anyway, just take it one day at a time.
 

Star*

call 911........call 911
He's being quiet Cali - because he TIPPED HIS HAND......and now he thinks if he just goes with the flow and plays along for now? YOu'll think just like you're thinking - OH he's calmed down, it's alright - and what he's really doing is REGROUPING for his next PLANNED attack.

Telling you - kiesta is right - when daughter turns 18 he's going to demand support for your son. In some states if you don't call the courts and say "OH my kids 18" they can continue to GET support as long as they REMAIN in schools.

And this part about the boys living with him? I think you should REALLY contact an attorney - and get some information on WHAT IF's lined up for yourself. He is SNEAKY SOB.

You playing nice isn't going to help - he's angry and he's not going to let you forget that you didn't listen to him THIS TIME - so next time it's going to be TEACH YOU A LESSON time. (just guessing ) but guesses aren't usually wrong.
 

susiestar

Roll With It
PLEASE tell me you have an atty and he knows about this? Yes, I know an atty is expensive, by you are going to royally rotate yourself into a board AND mess up your kids!!! WOuld you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop talking to your ex no matter WHAT he does/says? Have the lawyer talk to him. PEriOD.

This is a scheme to pay less than the amount he OWES your chldren. He OWES them and you just let him rip them off of $50 per month for difficult child 2 and who knows how much between what y'all agreed on and what court would demand? Probably at least another $100 per month.

This will NOT NOT NOT stop him from going for custody. It will be used to PROVE that you just want peace and cannot handle things like finances in a business like way. I now you can, and getting the order simplified a lot of things, but it ALSO left room for ALLEGATIONS. They don't have to be true, they just have to be SAID.

Do you want your son to have to lve iwth a man who would not care for him when you had a life threatenng illenss? When foster care was the only other option? Where he will be living FULL TIME with a man and woman who SCARE him constantly?

If you don't want that, WISE UP AND GET THE ATTY WE HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU TO GET. If what you want is your son to live with your ex, be terrified, feel you don't want him (after all you kept his sister), and to forever be damaged? Continue doing what this man wants you to do. Cause you KNOW he has someone's best interest at heart - and it sure isn't your children's or yours.
 
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