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Childish nastiness
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 536255" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I went to a very small school in my early years. We had less than fifty in the whole school. I had an older sister there but that was no advantage - she did not know how to be a big sister (at the time) and we didn't get on. My sister's friends used to bully me. I had friends my own age, but I was glad when my sister graduated out of that school.</p><p></p><p>You did well to bump into the other boy's dad. The problem with this other kid sounds a lot like what easy child went through at our village school - a girl who was very controlling, would "decide" who would be friends with whom and would direct activities. easy child often came home and said, "L said she could not play with me today because A said no." Or "L said she is not my friend any more, because A said if she was my friend, then she wouldn't be friends with L." By next day (or the following week) the friendships would have rearranged themselves, but there was always that uncertainty because A would want to control every relationship.</p><p></p><p>It is interesting now they're all adults, to see how they turned out. easy child is very self-assured and capable. She's married, has a career and a baby. They own a house, a car, a dog. L is still making her way in the world, she's living in the city, renting, trying to find her feet professionally. A has just moved back home (again) with her parents having just changed career direction (again). L and A are both lonely, A especially so. </p><p></p><p>It's interesting - overall, the ones who were most resistant to the control tactics and "if you talk to her you're not my friend" stuff are the ones whose lives are working out well. Married happily with kids and a job they love that they've been doing for some time. Meanwhile the ones who allowed themselves to be manipulated (or who in turn were manipulative) have never learned how to cope with the push-pull of human relationships, and as a result their lives are in a permanent holding pattern.</p><p></p><p>If you move to escape social unpleasantness, you will find more where you move to. it is everywhere, you cannot escape it. Instead, you can use this as an opportunity to teach J how to cope. it happens to all kids, it's not just J being a bit different. The sooner he learns how to protect himself from this, the better. And the greater will be his chances of normal relationships later on. This stuff is nasty, it's hurtful, but it is something we all meet at some stage in our lives. How we learn to cope now, sets the pattern for how we deal with it later.</p><p></p><p>You shouldn't have to move. Make your happiness and your space where you are.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 536255, member: 1991"] I went to a very small school in my early years. We had less than fifty in the whole school. I had an older sister there but that was no advantage - she did not know how to be a big sister (at the time) and we didn't get on. My sister's friends used to bully me. I had friends my own age, but I was glad when my sister graduated out of that school. You did well to bump into the other boy's dad. The problem with this other kid sounds a lot like what easy child went through at our village school - a girl who was very controlling, would "decide" who would be friends with whom and would direct activities. easy child often came home and said, "L said she could not play with me today because A said no." Or "L said she is not my friend any more, because A said if she was my friend, then she wouldn't be friends with L." By next day (or the following week) the friendships would have rearranged themselves, but there was always that uncertainty because A would want to control every relationship. It is interesting now they're all adults, to see how they turned out. easy child is very self-assured and capable. She's married, has a career and a baby. They own a house, a car, a dog. L is still making her way in the world, she's living in the city, renting, trying to find her feet professionally. A has just moved back home (again) with her parents having just changed career direction (again). L and A are both lonely, A especially so. It's interesting - overall, the ones who were most resistant to the control tactics and "if you talk to her you're not my friend" stuff are the ones whose lives are working out well. Married happily with kids and a job they love that they've been doing for some time. Meanwhile the ones who allowed themselves to be manipulated (or who in turn were manipulative) have never learned how to cope with the push-pull of human relationships, and as a result their lives are in a permanent holding pattern. If you move to escape social unpleasantness, you will find more where you move to. it is everywhere, you cannot escape it. Instead, you can use this as an opportunity to teach J how to cope. it happens to all kids, it's not just J being a bit different. The sooner he learns how to protect himself from this, the better. And the greater will be his chances of normal relationships later on. This stuff is nasty, it's hurtful, but it is something we all meet at some stage in our lives. How we learn to cope now, sets the pattern for how we deal with it later. You shouldn't have to move. Make your happiness and your space where you are. Marg [/QUOTE]
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