Childminder again

[Malika]

I was supposed to take J to the childminder tonight so that I could go to the meditation group. I made the mistake of not pre-warning him this morning (forgot). So when I picked him up from school and told him we were taking him to the childminder, he got very upset. He calmed down when I asked if we could talk about it calmly, agreed to get in the car and we talked a bit about why he didn't want to go - he agreed when I asked whether it was because she got cross with him. I know she scolds and punishes him a lot, as she does with her own children and he basically doesn't want to go any more. Talk or no talk, he started getting upset again as we approached our destination, trying to get out of the car, crying frenetically. I don't usually like to "give in" when he has a tantrum but this seems different to me somehow. It feels cruel and irresponsible to make him go to someone else when he gets that upset about it.
So I said he did not have to go, I didn't go to my group and we went shopping in the supermarket (oh joy). The thing is... where does this leave me? Unable to go out by myself because he won't go to the childminder? If only I could find a way to ask her not to punish and scold him all the time, but as said before I think she would really get offended at this and is anyway not about to change. If only she could understand something of hyperactivity and J's pscyhology!
Any ideas...

 

[ThreeShadows]

Malika, I don't think the childminder is willing to accommodate ANY child's needs. She sounds like she wants to "break" her children the way you would break a horse. Do any members of your meditation group have better helpers which they can recommend?

 

[Malika]

Oui, elle veut les dresser, c'est ca... we had the same thought, 3S. Earlier on tonight I emailed the meditation teacher to ask if she knew any good "nounous"...

 

[ThreeShadows]

I wish you luck, Malika. I was stuck at home with hyperactive twin boys. Play groups did not want to accept new members with two toddlers. I felt like an outsider, that was hard.

Here's a shot in the dark: see if your meditator friends would be interested in starting a transcendental meditation group for their own children. There is an out of print book titled TM for tots. Look up TM used in treating ADHD.

Bonne chance!

 

[ThreeShadows]

https://web.archive.org/web/2012010...html/catalog/items/isbn/978-0-87773-422-2.cfm This book was given to us when the boys were about 6y.o. They loved it.

 

[Malika]

Thanks, 3S. That looks exactly like J's kind of thing. I've asked my American brother if he would send it.