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child's behavior affecting reputation
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<blockquote data-quote="SearchingForRainbows" data-source="post: 506949" data-attributes="member: 3388"><p>As I think Buddy mentioned, there is a thread somewhere here that was started recently about loving but not liking your child. in my humble opinion, this is a perfectly "normal" feeling considering what we have to deal with on a daily basis. Life as we knew it, thought it would be, is shattered. Most of our energy becomes centered around the child who needs our help the most. We have to learn all we can about our child's disability and decide which therapist, psychiatrist, neurologist got it right - So many conflicting povs! Then, we're left to deal with finding the most appropriate school, program, etc... to help our children succeed in a world that isn't prepared for them. If we're lucky, we find that "magic" program, school, etc. that is a great "fit" for our children. If we're "lucky" the school will agree to allow our children to attend this "magic" program. And, I haven't even mentioned drugs yet. If our children need medication, life can become a roller coaster ride as we give them one drug, find it doesn't work, switch to another, find it doesn't work, etc., etc., etc., until the right drug or combination is found. Totally exhausting, totally draining... And this is only the beginning...</p><p></p><p>We have other responsibilities in life. We need to take care of our other children, nurture our relationships with our SO, husband,s, etc., Nurture our relationship with ourselves... There is work to deal with, bills to pay, etc., etc., etc., Life goes on... No wonder it is difficult to "like" our difficult children. It can feel like they are s*cking the life right out of us... Draining us... Leaving us empty...</p><p></p><p>I lost many "friends" because either they didn't understand or because I didn't have the time, energy needed to maintain our relationships. I learned to develop a thicker skin, a "rhino skin" (got this word from this site). I'm not going to lie, it wasn't easy, still isn't at times. However, the friends I do have are true friends. I'm grateful for this. As far as families, my husband's wanted nothing to do with our difficult children, especially difficult child 2. We weren't invited to a family wedding because my kids were a major embarrassment. That was the last straw... My family thought they had all the answers, couldn't understand the concept of "tough love." Eventually we drifted, other things happened, and I have no contact with them. As far as the community in general, I learned that I had to hold my head up high, not care what others think, not an easy thing to do!! I just kept repeating to myself that these are my children, I love them fiercely (had to force this part at times when I especially didn't like them), and will do what is necessary to give them the best start in life.</p><p></p><p>So sorry you found us but glad you're here. This is a wonderful site. It helped me get through some of the darkest times in my life. The people here are amazing!! SFR</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SearchingForRainbows, post: 506949, member: 3388"] As I think Buddy mentioned, there is a thread somewhere here that was started recently about loving but not liking your child. in my humble opinion, this is a perfectly "normal" feeling considering what we have to deal with on a daily basis. Life as we knew it, thought it would be, is shattered. Most of our energy becomes centered around the child who needs our help the most. We have to learn all we can about our child's disability and decide which therapist, psychiatrist, neurologist got it right - So many conflicting povs! Then, we're left to deal with finding the most appropriate school, program, etc... to help our children succeed in a world that isn't prepared for them. If we're lucky, we find that "magic" program, school, etc. that is a great "fit" for our children. If we're "lucky" the school will agree to allow our children to attend this "magic" program. And, I haven't even mentioned drugs yet. If our children need medication, life can become a roller coaster ride as we give them one drug, find it doesn't work, switch to another, find it doesn't work, etc., etc., etc., until the right drug or combination is found. Totally exhausting, totally draining... And this is only the beginning... We have other responsibilities in life. We need to take care of our other children, nurture our relationships with our SO, husband,s, etc., Nurture our relationship with ourselves... There is work to deal with, bills to pay, etc., etc., etc., Life goes on... No wonder it is difficult to "like" our difficult children. It can feel like they are s*cking the life right out of us... Draining us... Leaving us empty... I lost many "friends" because either they didn't understand or because I didn't have the time, energy needed to maintain our relationships. I learned to develop a thicker skin, a "rhino skin" (got this word from this site). I'm not going to lie, it wasn't easy, still isn't at times. However, the friends I do have are true friends. I'm grateful for this. As far as families, my husband's wanted nothing to do with our difficult children, especially difficult child 2. We weren't invited to a family wedding because my kids were a major embarrassment. That was the last straw... My family thought they had all the answers, couldn't understand the concept of "tough love." Eventually we drifted, other things happened, and I have no contact with them. As far as the community in general, I learned that I had to hold my head up high, not care what others think, not an easy thing to do!! I just kept repeating to myself that these are my children, I love them fiercely (had to force this part at times when I especially didn't like them), and will do what is necessary to give them the best start in life. So sorry you found us but glad you're here. This is a wonderful site. It helped me get through some of the darkest times in my life. The people here are amazing!! SFR [/QUOTE]
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