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General Parenting
Choosing the lessor of the evils, tough love hurts us all sometimes
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<blockquote data-quote="Farmwife" data-source="post: 373512" data-attributes="member: 8617"><p>Everything you guys say makes a lot of sense. I don't want to take anything from him and am a big advocate of natural consequences. My concerns are pretty basic if I try the short version. : )</p><p> </p><p>1. He is cycling which makes his odds of success pretty low at best. He can set himself back in graduation requirments but that won't kill him. What is more worrisome is the low self esteem and the potential fall out from the thin ice he is walking on. Ultimately, whether he hates me for limiting his choices or himself for failing to meet his goal and falling from social grace there is no happy ending unless he gets under control QUICK. I am going to chalk this up to an expensive life lesson. Okay...</p><p> </p><p>2. I am in a position where there is a fine line between accepting his cycling and the behaviors that he cannot control and what feels like enabling him to get a privilige that he hasn't really earned and allowing him to squeek by on rules/expectations and getting a freebie. Okay, fine I can accept lower expectations due to his condition/diagnosis. However, letting chores slip is completely different from beligerant and hostile moods. I have a big problem with him *thinking* he has us hustled and cornered to where he can do as he pleases (act the fool) and still be immune to our family consequences. IF I discipline him and take the sports for his beastly behaviors he will just melt down harder.</p><p> </p><p>#2 is just so confusing for me to figure out. Ideas?!?!?!?!?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The job is still not negotiable in spite of natural consequences generally being a good thing. Football is nice but my ultimate goal is a semi functional grown up. Without a "junior" job I fear his options to branch out later will be harder to initiate.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Farmwife, post: 373512, member: 8617"] Everything you guys say makes a lot of sense. I don't want to take anything from him and am a big advocate of natural consequences. My concerns are pretty basic if I try the short version. : ) 1. He is cycling which makes his odds of success pretty low at best. He can set himself back in graduation requirments but that won't kill him. What is more worrisome is the low self esteem and the potential fall out from the thin ice he is walking on. Ultimately, whether he hates me for limiting his choices or himself for failing to meet his goal and falling from social grace there is no happy ending unless he gets under control QUICK. I am going to chalk this up to an expensive life lesson. Okay... 2. I am in a position where there is a fine line between accepting his cycling and the behaviors that he cannot control and what feels like enabling him to get a privilige that he hasn't really earned and allowing him to squeek by on rules/expectations and getting a freebie. Okay, fine I can accept lower expectations due to his condition/diagnosis. However, letting chores slip is completely different from beligerant and hostile moods. I have a big problem with him *thinking* he has us hustled and cornered to where he can do as he pleases (act the fool) and still be immune to our family consequences. IF I discipline him and take the sports for his beastly behaviors he will just melt down harder. #2 is just so confusing for me to figure out. Ideas?!?!?!?!? The job is still not negotiable in spite of natural consequences generally being a good thing. Football is nice but my ultimate goal is a semi functional grown up. Without a "junior" job I fear his options to branch out later will be harder to initiate. [/QUOTE]
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Choosing the lessor of the evils, tough love hurts us all sometimes
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