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General Parenting
Choosing the lessor of the evils, tough love hurts us all sometimes
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 373548" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Academics would, in this situation, take a back seat. Not the very back seat, but if he is trying to have it all then he has to learn somehow and at some times, that he can't. As you said, if you step in and make him cut out this or that, then YO will be the ogre and he won't have learned anything.</p><p></p><p>If he fails academically, it needn't be the end of the world. I gather it will also bring its own natural consequences with football. As far as his job is concerned, I'm not sure what you can do because if you step in and say, "quit the job," he loses the income he is looking to for his car. Mum's the ogre again.</p><p></p><p>Seriously, I do think this is turning into a hands off scenario. OK, you're copping more insolence and other crud at home as a result of him not coping with his increased stress levels. This happens with PCs too at this age and under these circumstances. Short of you sitting down with him and saying, "What do you want me to do?" when he rages at you and tries to blame you, I'm not sure what else you can do.</p><p></p><p>Ease back and reduce his stress in other areas as much as you can, but also try to steer him gently on the right path. </p><p></p><p>If you can't, then any failure is his own responsibility. He has to learn at some stage that he must own it himself. I think that time is now.</p><p></p><p>If he fails academically, he can always go back and try again to some extent. And surely there is always going to be some football he can get involved in, at a social level? Does it HAVE to be associated with school? Or is he after the reputation of being a jock?</p><p></p><p>I realise that in tis area, there could be cultural differences that I as an Aussie just don't get. For us, doing well in high school is very important, it opens the door to good jobs later or university. There is a lot of pressure on kids to do well so they can continue on academically. But if they don't meet the required standard, there are other pathways, including adult education options. In our zeal to see our children succeed as much as possible and as early as possible, we tend to forget that it's not the be all and end all.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 373548, member: 1991"] Academics would, in this situation, take a back seat. Not the very back seat, but if he is trying to have it all then he has to learn somehow and at some times, that he can't. As you said, if you step in and make him cut out this or that, then YO will be the ogre and he won't have learned anything. If he fails academically, it needn't be the end of the world. I gather it will also bring its own natural consequences with football. As far as his job is concerned, I'm not sure what you can do because if you step in and say, "quit the job," he loses the income he is looking to for his car. Mum's the ogre again. Seriously, I do think this is turning into a hands off scenario. OK, you're copping more insolence and other crud at home as a result of him not coping with his increased stress levels. This happens with PCs too at this age and under these circumstances. Short of you sitting down with him and saying, "What do you want me to do?" when he rages at you and tries to blame you, I'm not sure what else you can do. Ease back and reduce his stress in other areas as much as you can, but also try to steer him gently on the right path. If you can't, then any failure is his own responsibility. He has to learn at some stage that he must own it himself. I think that time is now. If he fails academically, he can always go back and try again to some extent. And surely there is always going to be some football he can get involved in, at a social level? Does it HAVE to be associated with school? Or is he after the reputation of being a jock? I realise that in tis area, there could be cultural differences that I as an Aussie just don't get. For us, doing well in high school is very important, it opens the door to good jobs later or university. There is a lot of pressure on kids to do well so they can continue on academically. But if they don't meet the required standard, there are other pathways, including adult education options. In our zeal to see our children succeed as much as possible and as early as possible, we tend to forget that it's not the be all and end all. Marg [/QUOTE]
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