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Parent Emeritus
Chossing battles, setting limits ....
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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 584462" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>OMG. It is getting very weird around here.</p><p></p><p>I talked with her about the wine, for what it's worth .. which isn't much. It came up because she violated ANOTHER boundry issue and it made sense to bring it up in that context. </p><p></p><p>This issue had to do with her having a "date". I asked where she was going. "We haven't decided". (Hmmmm... I was just leaving - and she knew this - for my regular Toastmasters meeting). One of the things I was very specific about when she moved back was that, if she was choosing to meet guys online, she would have to meet them in a public place and that NOBODY was to come here to pick her up until after a couple of "dates". My reasoning is that, while I certainly wish my 21 year old was not meeting guys on Craigslist or Plenty of Fish, I could do nothing about her choosing to meet people that way. While I fear (the kind of ice-in-your-veins, heartwrenching fear) for her safety, I can do NOTHING about her risky behavior. HOWEVER, I can and will set boundaries when it comes to my home.</p><p></p><p>Since we discussed on this thread the fact that difficult children will assume that something done once is ok to do forever, I knew I had to lay down the law about guys coming here. </p><p></p><p>When I found out this dude (with whom she is deeply in love, but whose name has never been mentioned in my presence) was picking her up here, I reminded her that I'd told her this was not to happen. Her response? " I wasn't thinking "... followed by a surly "sorry". She then tells me plans have changed ... she will meet him a local restaurant. By then, I'm late for Toastmasters so I just stayed here. THEN she comes into my office, crying. "I got stood up". How can this be? You are still here? "He blew me off". Then drama and blah, blah, blah.</p><p></p><p>Hmm... do you think he possibly "blew you off" because he wasn't coming here - while I wasn't home - for a few hours of fun? </p><p></p><p>And I haven't even gotten to the part where it gets weird!!!!!!!</p><p></p><p>Later still, she comes to me and asks "Do you have a gold chain?" "No, I don't. Why?" She replies, "I have a confession." and produces MY WEDDING RINGS. The same rings I flung at her father in a (perfectly justifiable) fit of rage in 2006. She said "I found them in his dresser and I took them." "Why were you in his dresser?" "I asked if I could borrow a pair of socks." "Why didn't you ask him if you could have them?" "I wasn't thinking."</p><p></p><p>This is the SAME NIGHT we had the confrontation about the wine ("I was going to replace it") and the internet dude coming to the house .... and she calmly tells me this, as though it is perfectly ok for her to take whatever the heck she wants and I'm going to give her a gold chain on which to wear MY WEDDING RINGS?????</p><p></p><p>I did not take them from her and I don't intend to tell Ossy. I did, however, tell her SHE had to tell him. I would have given the rings to her someday, but that is hardly the point.</p><p></p><p>She is CLEARLY not thinking or behaving in a rational way and I am struggling to make sense of what really does not make sense.</p><p></p><p>She has an IC appointment tomorrow. I am going to ask her to make an appointment for the two of us to meet with her IC to sort through this. </p><p></p><p>I have to feel safe in my own home.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 584462, member: 9175"] OMG. It is getting very weird around here. I talked with her about the wine, for what it's worth .. which isn't much. It came up because she violated ANOTHER boundry issue and it made sense to bring it up in that context. This issue had to do with her having a "date". I asked where she was going. "We haven't decided". (Hmmmm... I was just leaving - and she knew this - for my regular Toastmasters meeting). One of the things I was very specific about when she moved back was that, if she was choosing to meet guys online, she would have to meet them in a public place and that NOBODY was to come here to pick her up until after a couple of "dates". My reasoning is that, while I certainly wish my 21 year old was not meeting guys on Craigslist or Plenty of Fish, I could do nothing about her choosing to meet people that way. While I fear (the kind of ice-in-your-veins, heartwrenching fear) for her safety, I can do NOTHING about her risky behavior. HOWEVER, I can and will set boundaries when it comes to my home. Since we discussed on this thread the fact that difficult children will assume that something done once is ok to do forever, I knew I had to lay down the law about guys coming here. When I found out this dude (with whom she is deeply in love, but whose name has never been mentioned in my presence) was picking her up here, I reminded her that I'd told her this was not to happen. Her response? " I wasn't thinking "... followed by a surly "sorry". She then tells me plans have changed ... she will meet him a local restaurant. By then, I'm late for Toastmasters so I just stayed here. THEN she comes into my office, crying. "I got stood up". How can this be? You are still here? "He blew me off". Then drama and blah, blah, blah. Hmm... do you think he possibly "blew you off" because he wasn't coming here - while I wasn't home - for a few hours of fun? And I haven't even gotten to the part where it gets weird!!!!!!! Later still, she comes to me and asks "Do you have a gold chain?" "No, I don't. Why?" She replies, "I have a confession." and produces MY WEDDING RINGS. The same rings I flung at her father in a (perfectly justifiable) fit of rage in 2006. She said "I found them in his dresser and I took them." "Why were you in his dresser?" "I asked if I could borrow a pair of socks." "Why didn't you ask him if you could have them?" "I wasn't thinking." This is the SAME NIGHT we had the confrontation about the wine ("I was going to replace it") and the internet dude coming to the house .... and she calmly tells me this, as though it is perfectly ok for her to take whatever the heck she wants and I'm going to give her a gold chain on which to wear MY WEDDING RINGS????? I did not take them from her and I don't intend to tell Ossy. I did, however, tell her SHE had to tell him. I would have given the rings to her someday, but that is hardly the point. She is CLEARLY not thinking or behaving in a rational way and I am struggling to make sense of what really does not make sense. She has an IC appointment tomorrow. I am going to ask her to make an appointment for the two of us to meet with her IC to sort through this. I have to feel safe in my own home. [/QUOTE]
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