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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 569732" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Hi BKS. I would imagine most if not all of us here can relate to how that note made you feel. It hurts. Recently I noticed on Facebook a post from a woman I went to HS with who put up an article about her son, a very successful business man, who at 37 invented something extraordinary which would benefit mankind and now switched careers to be an inventor. She is from a very loving, extremely successful family. On all counts she has had a charmed life, <em>so very different</em> from mine. It had a negative impact on me for a little while. Then I remembered that comparing my life to another's is always a negative experience. How you felt was a pretty normal reaction. What you did to relieve your pain was an excellent choice, count your blessings, be grateful for all that you have. A very, very good choice BKS. </p><p></p><p>We are a unique brand of parents on this board, thrown into this strange world of difficult child's............we learn resilience, courage, strength, resolve, commitment, compassion and how to love our kids in a very different way. There are no rewards or merit badges, but I believe, in a larger picture, we learn to do what your signature says, 'when we are going through hell, we just keep going' and our experience in that hell elevates our humanity and offers us a connection to others in our understanding and compassion.</p><p></p><p>And, to respond to your postscript, here's my unsolicited advice, throw all that wondering what you and your husband did or didn't do overboard. The likelihood is that you did all the same kinds of things that your note writing friends did, but, for reasons unknown to us parents, your son turned out the way he turned out. I don't think self blame serves any purpose but to keep you suffering........ as if knowing what you could or should have done will change anything, it won't. He is who he is, it is what it is.............how you presently handle the cards you have been dealt, is all that matters. And, from what I can see, you're doing a stellar job under very challenging circumstances. How we respond to difficult situations brings out all the strengths we weren't aware we had. Asking your son to leave, going against your natural parental instincts and societal pressures takes a lot of courage and holding that line takes facing our fears and displaying valor in the face of adversity. You are a Warrior.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 569732, member: 13542"] Hi BKS. I would imagine most if not all of us here can relate to how that note made you feel. It hurts. Recently I noticed on Facebook a post from a woman I went to HS with who put up an article about her son, a very successful business man, who at 37 invented something extraordinary which would benefit mankind and now switched careers to be an inventor. She is from a very loving, extremely successful family. On all counts she has had a charmed life, [I]so very different[/I] from mine. It had a negative impact on me for a little while. Then I remembered that comparing my life to another's is always a negative experience. How you felt was a pretty normal reaction. What you did to relieve your pain was an excellent choice, count your blessings, be grateful for all that you have. A very, very good choice BKS. We are a unique brand of parents on this board, thrown into this strange world of difficult child's............we learn resilience, courage, strength, resolve, commitment, compassion and how to love our kids in a very different way. There are no rewards or merit badges, but I believe, in a larger picture, we learn to do what your signature says, 'when we are going through hell, we just keep going' and our experience in that hell elevates our humanity and offers us a connection to others in our understanding and compassion. And, to respond to your postscript, here's my unsolicited advice, throw all that wondering what you and your husband did or didn't do overboard. The likelihood is that you did all the same kinds of things that your note writing friends did, but, for reasons unknown to us parents, your son turned out the way he turned out. I don't think self blame serves any purpose but to keep you suffering........ as if knowing what you could or should have done will change anything, it won't. He is who he is, it is what it is.............how you presently handle the cards you have been dealt, is all that matters. And, from what I can see, you're doing a stellar job under very challenging circumstances. How we respond to difficult situations brings out all the strengths we weren't aware we had. Asking your son to leave, going against your natural parental instincts and societal pressures takes a lot of courage and holding that line takes facing our fears and displaying valor in the face of adversity. You are a Warrior. [/QUOTE]
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