Christmas card question

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by KFld, Nov 12, 2007.

  1. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I'm kind of torn on how to handle my Christmas cards this year. There are very few people that I send cards to, including family, that know H and I have split. I don't really want them to find out by sending them a card with a new return address on it, signed by just easy child and I.

    I'm thinking maybe this year I'll just skip sending the Christmas cards and go collect the ones that are sent to the house.

    Any good ideas on how to handle this. The only other thing I can think of is not putting a return address and just signing it from the ________ family. This way they can include in their minds whomever they think it's coming from.
  2. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I think your last idea is a good one. This way you don't have any explaining to do, yet can still send your holiday greetings. They'll find this out another way, another time, just sign -from the ------family. That's fine for now.- Alyssa
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911


    There isn't going to be a "good" time to tell anyone that you are getting a divorce. Ever. (Well in my case there was).

    Get on our list instead - we all know your situation and don't care about it - we just care about you.

    It would be the excitement of sending out cards -

    It would be the hope of getting cards back -

    It's making new acquaintances -

    It's keeping the Christmas Spirit with out inquiring minds -

    And if you need some snappy come backs as to WHY you have not called anyone up and told them you're divorcing? I can't think of a better board to help you with that - can you?

    "my private life is still private" worked for me.

    Although I did get one call from someone I could not stand (ever) and I said " I didn't call you and tell you we were divorcing? I am so sorry, what a witch you must think I am, I am so so sorry, Of course when I thought of divorcing, I thought to myself, NOW I SHOULD CALL (her name) right away and cry, cry, cry on the phone and meet her for coffee and drinks or dinner, but then again - I figured since you were DOING my husband HE would have told you."
    -dead silence.
    ANY MORE QUESTIONS I CAN HELP <span style='font-size: 12'>YOU</span> WITH (her name)
    -I heard a faint no-sorry to bother you bye.

    I told you - my life? Science Fiction.

    Of course she called the one that came into the club and "bared" her soul about how sorry SHE was for sleeping with him - and that's the one that I said "Gosh he has AIDS" you should get tested; then walked away grinning. She started crying. I didn't care.

    I'll just say this - because sometimes the fact that it's OUR life makes the pain more real to us, but my x had numerous affairs - I couldn't WAIT to send out Christmas cards from just myself and my son. We even DREW on the envelopes - it was good.
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    The first year I was separated and then subsequently divorced I sent out cards from just my girls and me and astonishingly I did not have any negative responses. I sent out cards to exh's family from the girls only and to my family and friends from all three of us. To combined friends of mine and exh's I only sent to the ones who were my friends first and that was that. No one even seemed to notice the change.

    However, if you really have a phobia about it, then I think I'd skip it altogether. I do not agree with sending out cards signed "From the ______ family" as it appears to be from ALL of you and that's not the case. In fact, I think it may make people wonder if you're really divorcing or not (if they've already heard, which they undoubtedly have). Why do stbx the favor of sending out cards from the family when he's not a part of that family in the true sense of it's meaning anymore? Let him send his own cards if he sees fit - start a new tradition with your own cards this year. Perhaps you and easy child can have your picture taken and send that along with your cards - keep it lite and fun!

    And of course, Stars suggestion for joining the card swap here at CD is great too!
  5. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I think for this year I will send cards to the people who know and skip the rest until next year.
  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    A serious consideration here - if you send out cards, be aware that HP is also likely to as well. And because he seems so involved in his new love, he will undoubtedly use Christmas cards as a way of breaking the news to people - "Be happy for me! At last I've found the true love I've been searching for all my life," or maybe "Merry Christmas from me and my new chick."

    Whatever he does - you don't want to get caught up in a lie by ambiguously sending a card from "Karen, HP and family".

    Something we do - I create a card on the computer. For the 'cover' I use a photo we've taken, sometimes of the family and sometimes of something important to the family, such as the view over the sea from the cliffs near our house. Inside I put the usual Christmas greeting with our names (or "the Marg family"). But this is printed on a sheet of paper designed to fold in four to make the card. If you COMPLETELY unfold the card you get a letter giving news of us all. For some old friends, it may be the only news they get of us all year.

    Alternatively - I email both the letter and any photos (including the cover). I might email the card as a pdf file.

    Some years when I'm short of energy or enthusiasm, I only print a handful and send them just to immediate family. Sometimes I print dozens. But I always include our contact details so if they want to use the letter as a springboard to a phone call, the way is open.

    You could be honest but tactful. Brief. "HP & I have separated a couple of months ago. He is living at [give his address] and I am now living with easy child at [give as much or as little info as you want]. We are selling our various assets but I'm still managing the paperwork of the business for now. Things are still very new, we're both still adjusting each in our own way. I didn't want you to find out via the grapevine so I'm using this opportunity to let you know.

    [Add in any other non-HP news, the nice stuff, the happy side of things].

    I'd love a chat with you sometime. I hope you have a really enjoyable Christmas this year, I am thinking of you."

    Or just print it out and tuck it into a shop-bought card, for the easy option. You don't need to give details, just the facts, ma'am.

    Because if HP is in any way inclined to shout it to the world, Christmas is HIS opportunity to tell it HIS way, noisily.

    And the process of thinking of the nice stuff to put in - it will make you feel happier about your life now and where it is going.

    Whatever you decide to do - be OK with it. All I'm doing is throwing another possibility into the ring for you to consider.

  7. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Like Jo, the first Christmas I was seperated I just put my name along with the children. He never was involved with the Christmas cards anyway. I love giving and receiving Christmas cards and look forward to including a picture of the kids and writing a little note in each card to loved ones.

    I wouldn't give it too much thought, really. My husband and I were together about as long as you and your husband were. Noone really battted an eye or rushed to the phone to call about why he wasn't on the card.

    If you think about it, it's a really painless way for you to introduce the reality of your current marital status without stress! Just sign your name on the card along with holiday wishes and lick that envelope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    I think I would send them out with just you and easy child's names on them. Everyone will learn what is going on sooner or later since you are planning on divorcing not just a split.

    Then he looks like an even bigger jerk when he sends his out with his new girlfriend.

    By the way, don't go to the house and swipe the Christmas cards. Just let it go. He's living in the house and you have your own apartment and your own address now. Let the house go. I know it's hard but it's not worth your energy.

  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I sent cards that included the childrens names with mine. Only on a couple did I add a note. My note was short and simple. "Hope you have a Merry Christmas and a terrific New Year.
    We are all doing fine but are going through some changes. Bob
    and I are separated but are working together to make 1970 a happy
    year for all of us. Love, DDD #1#2#3" More or less that was it
    and it worked just fine. In your case you could easily say
    brightly "easy child and I are settled in our new place @ zzz#2 Street
    but our phone numbers are still the same."

    My Ex remarried as soon as he could....and long before most people ever suspected that "the perfect couple" had split. We
    separated 11/1 and the divorce was final 2/5. He remarried in
    March and did not "forewarn" me or the children. I strongly
    suggest that YOU be the one who informs people. It will avoid
    embarrassment and questions later and will also show that you are
    not impacted by his sorry actions. DDD

    PS: Almost everyone to this day think the divorce was about the
    2nd wife. I have never given any explanations...except to my husband
    and a very few friends. It had nothing to do with romance. It had everything to do with parenting difficult child. Life's weird!