husband and I are really thinking about going home for Christmas this year. difficult child is in no position to receive gifts - everything I buy her gets lost or stolen, so I am doing a gift card this year. easy child is at the age where all he wants his clothes, but doesn't want mom picking them out - so, again, gift card. No big Christmas morning this year, so it is the perfect time to go. Here is my dilemma, I feel like if we don't take difficult child with us, we are deserting her over the holidays. Yet, I really don't think I could deal with her being stuck in a car, or at a hotel. She still has MAJOR attitude and I really had to work at biting my lip yesterday (and didn't do a very good job at that). When difficult child is pleasant to be around, it is great. But with the drugs, her attitude just HOOVERS. And yes, she admitted she is still using. In her words, not nearly as much as she used to. What ever. Using is using. She had two sores on her face that she swore were not sores. She claims one was a burn from glass??!! I called BS, of course. Everytime I looked at her it just upset me to the core. I am sitting there thinking, what am I doing?? Here I am trying to get her through bartending school for the week as another way of "saving" her and it is not going to. There is nothing I can do to save her. She has to save herself and honestly, I don't think she thinks there is anything wrong with her lifestyle. She is into bad stuff. The people she is with is into bad stuff. Identity fraud, credit card fraud, drugs, etc. Makes me just want to puke thinking about it. I also need to make a phone call today that I am nervous to make. I brought her to class last night, but one of her roomates was picking her up after. Problem with that is that I don't know if she took off after I left. I looked at the phone records and she was on the phone during class time. Now, I need to find out if she left, or if the calls were made during breaks. If I find out she took off, I am going to be livid. Not only did I pay for the enrollment, but I paid her rent on the premise that she was going to school. She swears she did not take off, but I cannot believe anything she tells me. So, I need to call the school to ask if my adult daughter stayed the whole time for class. Nice. Anyhow, I know she gets setimental over the holidays and may be devastated if we left with out her. My mom guilt kicks in and feels like we cannot do this to her. So, I am sitting here thinking could I deal with her on a vacation? No, I don't think so. I think I would be thoroughly embarassed to have her with us, as sad as that is to say. But it seems so unfair that we would miss out on seeing our family over Christmas because she is where she is in life right now.... Advice? Thoughts? What would you do?