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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 444896" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>YOU are toxic to him? Is that what HE is saying hon or "THE PEOPLE" are saying? Is THIS is what's got you so wound tight? UFH. No wonder you are so upset. </p><p></p><p>Listen here girl..........llllllllll...........friend. He's all of what many years old? I've got blinking underpants in my drawers older than him. (not that we need to repeat THAT to anyone) but seriously? He's a child. He's spent a lot of time locked up because he's got a lot of things going on in his head that well - he really hasn't been able to sort out, and I'm guessing that a LOT of them he wants validation of from you. So sure there are some things he wants to blame on you, and there ARE some things that you can be blamed for. NOT his behaviors. He's got himself to answer for that. Parents make mistakes. Kids move on, he had choices for years to get therapy, talke to people, change his stars, be different, and he's CHOSEN to be who he is, where he is, how he is, what he is.....this is not YOUR doing. This is not a result of haphazard mistakes or a Mother that simply didn't have time for her son....if it were? The state would have taken him from you. You wouldn't visit him, you wouldn't CARE what happens to him where he goes after this. </p><p></p><p>So whatever guilt trip he's trying to lay in your lap? Just like your Mom, and your brother and your boss.....? Stand up and shake them off your lap. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY, and if that means....telling your MOther to bug out of your life and take your brother with her? Do it. If it means telling your son - YOu know what kid? I love you, I am human, I did the very best I could with what I had, and if that's not good enough for you? YOu can bugger off too, and then close that door too. He's not a baby any more klmno....you're never too old to need your MOm but at some point you ARE too old to be Mommied. He's at that point. If he can't realize that you aren't the root of all his problems then maybe it is time to step out of his life and give him his space and ALLOW him to see that each time he falls? You weren't there tripping him up. Let him go - and allow him the courtesty of not picking him up either. Let him see just how it feels to be made to feel alone in the world - it's not such a great feeling. Family - even with some dysfunctional behaviors can heal. Your family (you and the kid) are NOT a dysfunctional family. You just have dysfunctional behaviors. The family you grew up in however? Was dysfunctional and you worked your literal butt off to make SURE your son didn't have the same kind of family....For that? He should appreciate you to the ends of the earth. Yet here he is feeling sorry for himself and criticizing everything huh? </p><p></p><p>Someone needs a good dose of grow up ......and someones Mom? Needs to stop feeling guilty for doing the best job she could. AND if there IS some unresolved issue of anger or hatred? WHERE is the mediator that can sit down with the two of you in therapy and work this out BEFORE HE DOES get released? Surely they can NOT tell you that there is NO family counseling that can be done to save him from a lifetime of incarceration IF they knew about a problem that would SOLVE so many problems IF the two of you could work on counseliing over the phone or SKYPE or something.......SERIOUSLY???? NO therapist there would take that on? WTH?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 444896, member: 4964"] YOU are toxic to him? Is that what HE is saying hon or "THE PEOPLE" are saying? Is THIS is what's got you so wound tight? UFH. No wonder you are so upset. Listen here girl..........llllllllll...........friend. He's all of what many years old? I've got blinking underpants in my drawers older than him. (not that we need to repeat THAT to anyone) but seriously? He's a child. He's spent a lot of time locked up because he's got a lot of things going on in his head that well - he really hasn't been able to sort out, and I'm guessing that a LOT of them he wants validation of from you. So sure there are some things he wants to blame on you, and there ARE some things that you can be blamed for. NOT his behaviors. He's got himself to answer for that. Parents make mistakes. Kids move on, he had choices for years to get therapy, talke to people, change his stars, be different, and he's CHOSEN to be who he is, where he is, how he is, what he is.....this is not YOUR doing. This is not a result of haphazard mistakes or a Mother that simply didn't have time for her son....if it were? The state would have taken him from you. You wouldn't visit him, you wouldn't CARE what happens to him where he goes after this. So whatever guilt trip he's trying to lay in your lap? Just like your Mom, and your brother and your boss.....? Stand up and shake them off your lap. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY, and if that means....telling your MOther to bug out of your life and take your brother with her? Do it. If it means telling your son - YOu know what kid? I love you, I am human, I did the very best I could with what I had, and if that's not good enough for you? YOu can bugger off too, and then close that door too. He's not a baby any more klmno....you're never too old to need your MOm but at some point you ARE too old to be Mommied. He's at that point. If he can't realize that you aren't the root of all his problems then maybe it is time to step out of his life and give him his space and ALLOW him to see that each time he falls? You weren't there tripping him up. Let him go - and allow him the courtesty of not picking him up either. Let him see just how it feels to be made to feel alone in the world - it's not such a great feeling. Family - even with some dysfunctional behaviors can heal. Your family (you and the kid) are NOT a dysfunctional family. You just have dysfunctional behaviors. The family you grew up in however? Was dysfunctional and you worked your literal butt off to make SURE your son didn't have the same kind of family....For that? He should appreciate you to the ends of the earth. Yet here he is feeling sorry for himself and criticizing everything huh? Someone needs a good dose of grow up ......and someones Mom? Needs to stop feeling guilty for doing the best job she could. AND if there IS some unresolved issue of anger or hatred? WHERE is the mediator that can sit down with the two of you in therapy and work this out BEFORE HE DOES get released? Surely they can NOT tell you that there is NO family counseling that can be done to save him from a lifetime of incarceration IF they knew about a problem that would SOLVE so many problems IF the two of you could work on counseliing over the phone or SKYPE or something.......SERIOUSLY???? NO therapist there would take that on? WTH? [/QUOTE]
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