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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 444921" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Well......I think those are pretty normal fears. You had a pretty abnormal life. But it's like I said - You can COME from a dysfunctional family, and have some dysfunctional behaviors in your home, but not necessarily BE a dysfunctional family. YOU and difficult child have been working on stopping the cycle of abuse. YOU have been to counseling, drawing boundaries, I mean look at the last time difficult child did what he did. Did you just sit idly by and do nothing or were you PROACTIVE in saying "OH NO this is NOT going to happen in our family?" YOU WERE PROACTIVE. YOU said this is what will happen IF, you acted on it, you followed through. You have been first and foremost in making sure your son is safe, protected from whatever it is out there that would do him harm. You've put him in places that NO PARENT wants to put their child, but you made sacrifices so that eventually ONE DAY - some of this work that you are doing now? Would have a lasting effect and HOPEFULLY some of it will stick, make him a better person, and give him the chance that YOU never had. </p><p></p><p>I mean - you made it okay - but if YOU Had been given a parent for yourself like YOU are for difficult child? What a difference it would have made in your life. But you are strong, you worked through the hand you were dealt, and you basically rose out of ashes. Do I think it's affected you and how you see things and how you react to things? Sure. How could it not. But do I think it has to continue to chain you to things in your past to where you have to honor and continue to respect people and ties that hold you back or stifle you now? Hell no. I think if you have things to say? Say them, if you can't say them? Write them down, type them out. Then put them away. At least? Get them out of your minds warehouse and stop worrying about them. BE YOUR OWN PERSON KLMNO. You do not owe your Mom an explaination ONE about your son. Matter of fact if you wrote her and said "Mom at this time, I've decided that it's just in difficult child's best interest NOT to get mail, please respect my wishes. Thank you - KLMNO - THAT would be perfectly fine. If she balks? THAT IS HER PROBLEM. You don't have to deal with the fall out of her anger - THAT IS ON HER. NOT YOU. HOW does she get to YOU if she's angry about YOUR wishes FOR YOUR kid? Call? Hang up. Write - Don't open the letter. Email? Delete it. I mean - SHE DOES NOT OWN YOU. Simply put - She's a person just like you - that can no longer HURT you. This you have to know. </p><p></p><p>So...instead of thinking you have done something BAD for difficult child why not spend your time thinking about all the GOOD you have DONE for difficult child. THe rest as it were - is on HIM. Mom time basically over. Raising the bird? Pretty much complete. Out of the nest - etc...etc... Get yourself a hobby.....enjoy your life. Let Son enjoy his......and find PEACE ---YOUR PEACE. It's a journey ...and you're on it. Those who do not HELP you achieve your goal of finding YOUR PEACE - are not welcome.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 444921, member: 4964"] Well......I think those are pretty normal fears. You had a pretty abnormal life. But it's like I said - You can COME from a dysfunctional family, and have some dysfunctional behaviors in your home, but not necessarily BE a dysfunctional family. YOU and difficult child have been working on stopping the cycle of abuse. YOU have been to counseling, drawing boundaries, I mean look at the last time difficult child did what he did. Did you just sit idly by and do nothing or were you PROACTIVE in saying "OH NO this is NOT going to happen in our family?" YOU WERE PROACTIVE. YOU said this is what will happen IF, you acted on it, you followed through. You have been first and foremost in making sure your son is safe, protected from whatever it is out there that would do him harm. You've put him in places that NO PARENT wants to put their child, but you made sacrifices so that eventually ONE DAY - some of this work that you are doing now? Would have a lasting effect and HOPEFULLY some of it will stick, make him a better person, and give him the chance that YOU never had. I mean - you made it okay - but if YOU Had been given a parent for yourself like YOU are for difficult child? What a difference it would have made in your life. But you are strong, you worked through the hand you were dealt, and you basically rose out of ashes. Do I think it's affected you and how you see things and how you react to things? Sure. How could it not. But do I think it has to continue to chain you to things in your past to where you have to honor and continue to respect people and ties that hold you back or stifle you now? Hell no. I think if you have things to say? Say them, if you can't say them? Write them down, type them out. Then put them away. At least? Get them out of your minds warehouse and stop worrying about them. BE YOUR OWN PERSON KLMNO. You do not owe your Mom an explaination ONE about your son. Matter of fact if you wrote her and said "Mom at this time, I've decided that it's just in difficult child's best interest NOT to get mail, please respect my wishes. Thank you - KLMNO - THAT would be perfectly fine. If she balks? THAT IS HER PROBLEM. You don't have to deal with the fall out of her anger - THAT IS ON HER. NOT YOU. HOW does she get to YOU if she's angry about YOUR wishes FOR YOUR kid? Call? Hang up. Write - Don't open the letter. Email? Delete it. I mean - SHE DOES NOT OWN YOU. Simply put - She's a person just like you - that can no longer HURT you. This you have to know. So...instead of thinking you have done something BAD for difficult child why not spend your time thinking about all the GOOD you have DONE for difficult child. THe rest as it were - is on HIM. Mom time basically over. Raising the bird? Pretty much complete. Out of the nest - etc...etc... Get yourself a hobby.....enjoy your life. Let Son enjoy his......and find PEACE ---YOUR PEACE. It's a journey ...and you're on it. Those who do not HELP you achieve your goal of finding YOUR PEACE - are not welcome. [/QUOTE]
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