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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 177876" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>When difficult child showed his cuts to my daughter, she asked him why. He told her, 'this hurts less than the pain I have'. </p><p></p><p>Thank you for sharing the poem, Janet. It makes me cry because it sounds just like difficult child. With him, everything is intense. He can be intensely joyous, intensely loving (and starts to feel hurt quickly if he doesn't perceive others being equally demonstrative to him), and when he needs to hurt someone else or project his own hurt, he does that intensely too. </p><p></p><p>When he has a really upsetting crisis, with self-punching or cutting and accusations, it affects me physically for days. I feel exhausted, depleted, and unable to take on things that need to be done. I used to be able to cope with upsets and keep going, but now it feels like my adrenals are just worn out, or something ... after all these years I have no more resilience. </p><p>I say I'll walk away when the accusations start but so far I haven't been able to, because of the intensity of his upset.</p><p></p><p>Janet, do you have some advice about how I could be with difficult child in a helpful way when he's upset, that might be somewhat less draining for me? Or something I could do or say that would help calm him more quickly? Thanks.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 177876, member: 2884"] When difficult child showed his cuts to my daughter, she asked him why. He told her, 'this hurts less than the pain I have'. Thank you for sharing the poem, Janet. It makes me cry because it sounds just like difficult child. With him, everything is intense. He can be intensely joyous, intensely loving (and starts to feel hurt quickly if he doesn't perceive others being equally demonstrative to him), and when he needs to hurt someone else or project his own hurt, he does that intensely too. When he has a really upsetting crisis, with self-punching or cutting and accusations, it affects me physically for days. I feel exhausted, depleted, and unable to take on things that need to be done. I used to be able to cope with upsets and keep going, but now it feels like my adrenals are just worn out, or something ... after all these years I have no more resilience. I say I'll walk away when the accusations start but so far I haven't been able to, because of the intensity of his upset. Janet, do you have some advice about how I could be with difficult child in a helpful way when he's upset, that might be somewhat less draining for me? Or something I could do or say that would help calm him more quickly? Thanks. [/QUOTE]
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