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Parent Emeritus
College, the boyfriend, and fallout from UB
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 289246" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Mary, from someone who has been there, she just took an enormous step. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /></p><p> </p><p>My Dad can be a great guy......if you're his friend. If you're his wife (speaking for all 4 of them) or his kids, eh you're not so lucky.</p><p> </p><p>I think I was near KT's age when I came to terms with the man. I realized it was Dad as a person. It had nothing to do with anyone else. It was very liberating. And I discovered it easier to have a relationship with this new knowledge, because I never again got my expectations up. He simply couldn't meet them. It's not a close relationship, in any sense, but the pain and anger vanished when I could finally see my Dad as a person and not as a parent.</p><p> </p><p>When my kids ask about their grandpa......well, I explain it to them. They love their grandpa, and he's not so bad as a grandpa I guess. Better than being a dad....still not very active in their lives. But they get it too and don't hold it against him. We talk to him on the phone about 1 or 2 times a year. That seems about enough for him and us.</p><p> </p><p>I think KT is on her way to discovering herself. When the opportunity arises you can re-enforce that it's her dad as a person, it's not personal. Just because someone can have a child, doesn't make them parent material.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 289246, member: 84"] Mary, from someone who has been there, she just took an enormous step. :happy: My Dad can be a great guy......if you're his friend. If you're his wife (speaking for all 4 of them) or his kids, eh you're not so lucky. I think I was near KT's age when I came to terms with the man. I realized it was Dad as a person. It had nothing to do with anyone else. It was very liberating. And I discovered it easier to have a relationship with this new knowledge, because I never again got my expectations up. He simply couldn't meet them. It's not a close relationship, in any sense, but the pain and anger vanished when I could finally see my Dad as a person and not as a parent. When my kids ask about their grandpa......well, I explain it to them. They love their grandpa, and he's not so bad as a grandpa I guess. Better than being a dad....still not very active in their lives. But they get it too and don't hold it against him. We talk to him on the phone about 1 or 2 times a year. That seems about enough for him and us. I think KT is on her way to discovering herself. When the opportunity arises you can re-enforce that it's her dad as a person, it's not personal. Just because someone can have a child, doesn't make them parent material. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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College, the boyfriend, and fallout from UB
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