complete cold feet

[Steely]

My condo I had set my mind for and visualized in AZ fell through today. I am not sure, with my credit, if I can even find a place to live now. Seriously. I am not sure where or if I could find a place to live with 3 dogs and my credit - even though I have paid a mortgage for 12 years - the outstanding credit that I have overshadows my good credit.

Plus.

Matt is not doing so great at Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I can just feel his downward spiral. I do not want him to have to deal with one more hurdle with me moving and then have him plummet into phosph (or worse) again.

What the hell do I do? I am so confused now. I thought I wanted this - but now there are too many obstacles. I feel defeated and tired.

 

[Andy]

Deep breaths. You still have time. Continue to do the cleaning and packing to be prepared if you do find a place to live. Hold off on contacting phones and utilities.

Set the date of your absolulte final decision (say three days before the new job would start).

Do you have a realtor? If not, find one. If so, call as soon as you can call and say, "Look, I have until _______ to find a new place. I have only $__________ to spend on it (give him an amount less than you want to spend because they will ALWAYS come up with something just a little more). You have until ___________ to get me into something or the deal is off."

If not having a home has to be your reason for not taking this job, give it a few more days and try not to worry about it. If it doesn't happen it doesn't happen. Will that be so bad?

Don't give up Steely! I think that if Matt were able to come home, it may be easier for him to start over in a new place. Easier for you to set house rules that he may not have followed previously?

I will understand and respect whatever your decision is. I just don't want you to feel defeated. I don't want you to miss out on this move if it really is what you need. We really don't know though do we? You will find a way to go on, either here or there.

 

[totoro]

The company has no leads on even a temporary housing situation? maybe a rental?

Have you checked craigslist for rentals maybe just for a short time?
House sitter? Is this a place where people would have second homes? They are always looking for people to be caretakers.

Try not to get down about any of it.
it will work out.
You have a path and a destination.

 

[DaisyFace]

What the hell do I do? I am so confused now. I thought I wanted this - but now there are too many obstacles. I feel defeated and tired.

If you don't want this with all your heart....then don't do it.

If you are dragging your feet and already feeling regrets and feeling tired and defeated....maybe you really don't want it. If that's the case....it's OK.

Never do something because you think you "should".

If you really DO want it, then a little thing like shopping around for a place to stay should be a small and temporary obstacle. Try realtors. Try ads in newspapers. Try Craigslist. Write your own ad for a place. Ask your new boss. Many companies will foot the bill for a long-term stay somewhere for a move like this....maybe they even have a place they have worked with in the past and can recommend.

Best wishes with whatever you decide...

--DaisyF

 

[Hound dog]

Check with the company to see if they know any rentals. Sounds silly, but sometimes condo's can be awfully hard to get into.....Many complexes of them have rules out the wazoo.

Steely, don't let one turn down get you off track. husband and I rented for many years. Turn downs happen. But you'll find a nice place that has no problem with your furbabies. And who can tell, it may be far better than the condo.

The right way to go is often the harder road to travel.

(((hugs)))

 

[goldenguru]

I agree with-DaisyFace. Sometimes doors close for a reason. If you're unsure - do nothing except wait until you are absolutely sure!

 

[Steely]

That is the question isn't it. Do I want this will all my heart? I know with all my heart I do NOT want to stay in Dallas. I am so desperate to get out, I feel like I will do anything. I DO know I want to move. I guess I just still have doubts about this particular job in AZ, like I mentioned in my pros and cons email last week, and whether I want to move to this remote town. It made it all OK because I had found this amazing condo - and I could see myself there in the town in that condo. But me and my stupid choice of overspending the last 2 years jaded my credit to the point I cannot get into a place like I wanted. In fact, the housing is so limited up there, I am not sure if I can find a place in the next 3 weeks. That would leave me living in a hotel to work there, and having to leave my dogs behind for awhile. I kinda think that would be the deal breaker for me. I am not up for that much stress. So I guess I will see what I can find in housing. When I say there is no place to live - I mean - like one apt complex.

I just know I can't stay here, in Dallas, at this job. I have to get out of here.

 

[Marcie Mac]

Then think of the move as a stepping stone to another job in Arizona, a bigger city - like Scottsdale, Phoenix - you don't have to move and stay for the rest of your life - once you get set and are pulling in a regular paycheck, you have the luxury of looking for something else. Didn't you have a friend who works for this company? Can she look around for housing for you? Who knows when another opportunity comes along like this.

I pretty much have my heart set on moving to Surprise AZ eventually. SO is from there and we go to visit a few times a year to see his mom, and my BFF lives there. I would really like to go live in Sedona, but it is a little out of my price range and homes in Surprise are a lot less expensive.

Marcie

 

[susiestar]

Steely, moving and uprooting and new jobs are SCARY!! They are on the top of the list of most stressful life events for a reason!!

Don't let one turn down stop you. Keep looking for a home there. Ask the HR person at the company, ask someone at a church (even if you won't go there - they may know parishioners who have homes to rent).

If you take this job and it is HORRIBLE, well, you were looking for a job when you found this new one. you can job hunt while you do this new job. It is closer to where you eventually want to live.

As for Matt, it truly may be a good idea to have a NEW place for him to come to when he leaves the placement. He will be AWAY from the old influences and triggers. He will be scared. It WILL be hard. For both of you.

BUT if you stick together when he comes out and comes to live with you, you will have a chance to rebuild your relationship on a fresh foundation. You can support each other on new terms - with him as your adult child!

If, as you prepare to leave, you decide not to go, all is not lost. You can stay where you are, continue to job hunt, and find something different. You at least know the stress if you stay where you are. It won't be new kinds of stress.

sometimes the not knowing is the hardest part. The devil you know or the devil you don't.

I do NOT know which way is best for you. But I DO know that you are an amazing woman who can do most anything she sets her mind to - including taking this new job/company/town by storm. Or finding a different company/situation to take by storm!!

Whatever you do, no matter what, I support you 1,000,000% !!,

 

[ML]

I like what everyone has said. If you need to get out, go. This next job may be a stepping stone to something even better. I hope something happens in the next day or so to help you feel better about things again. Love, ML

 

[Abbey]

There are always places to live and in this economy they're lowering their prices. The dogs might be an issue...just don't mention them. I did that with my parrots. No, no...I don't have any dogs or cats, just REALLY loud parrots.

Abbey

 

[TerryJ2]

I would still pick up and go, just to go.

I am so sorry about the condo. been there done that.

But you can rent somewhere ... your dogs are smallish, right?